100 Suns
by colormenikki
Summary: In the Underground he never saw the Sun. He never felt warmth, heat, love. All he knew was crime, darkness, and pain. But now he is here, above ground, fighting creatures that are worse than nightmares and humans that aren't much better. But goddamnit if looking at her wasn't like seeing the Sun for the first time or knowing what it was finally like to be warm. [Levi/OC]
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note (it's long, I am sorry in advance):

Hello, everyone! After this first chapter, any ANs will be at the end. For this first chapter, however, I wanted to introduce the story first. I've been writing for a hot minute now so this is not my first rodeo, but this is my first SnK story. I fell pretty badly in love with these characters and the way the manga and anime delve into human conflicts and emotions, all with the looming threat of the Titans. This story will be centered on the characters with actions and gore and all of that good stuff peppered in. It is also in the **present tense **which is a writing style I have been playing around with recently and have found I really enjoy using. As it is an SnK story, **this story will have Mature content **if you hadn't guessed it from the rating or by just watching the damn show. _Phew, _so much blood. And...I mean...have y'all _seen_ Levi? Total dreamboat. But that is a ways off.

I always welcome constructive criticism, but no outright demeaning or rude comments, please. We're all just trying our best, you know? Mistakes happen! I edit each chapter about 5,000 times but my eyes can only catch so much, y'all. Let me know of any glaring errors and most importantly let me know how you are liking it! I love hearing from readers.

I always feel the need to defend my characters because I really do invest a lot of time into them and I want people to like them as much as I do. It's a writer's curse, I suppose. In this opening chapter I wanted to introduce Maia through Eren's POV. We will see a lot of his take on things in this story, partly because I like the idea of it and partly because I actually do not care for Eren and I _really __want_ _to_. He just...is such a hot mess. So, I figure the best way to like him is to take a deep dive into his side of things and play around in his little tormented mind. Poor thing. There will be plenty of time spent with Levi and our new heroine and the other characters as well, don't worry.

If you're thinking "jfc another Levi/OC story _goddamn_!" then, uh, I mean...what're doing here, bro?

And if you're not thinking that...well, enjoy, you lovely human you :)

The story title is based off of the song "100 Suns" by Thirty seconds to Mars.

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, either the manga or the anime. All content taken from either source is not mine. All original content does, however, belong to me.**

* * *

Chapter One: Remember what you did.

How long has he been down here?

His eyes are bleary and they ache in their sockets every time he tries to focus them in the dim light of the cell he's been thrown in. Wrists raw, he can feel the skin underneath the shackles become more and more irritated with every slight movement of his arms. He tries to stay still if only to stop the stinging pain around his hands, but he can't get comfortable in any position. His back has a constant shooting pain from staying in the same position for so long. He cannot comfortably lie down. Sitting up is no better. The chains pull and push at his skin no matter what.

_Where is everyone?_ He wonders to himself as he begins an attempt to jog his memory yet again. A pounding starts behind his eyes, different from the pain that straining them causes him. This has happened before, has happened _every_ time before, and again he stops while he is ahead.

No need to pass out again.

_I should just be happy they haven't killed me_.

His mind conjures up an image of a man with a severe look. There is no light in his eyes, no spark of anything at all. Dark circles sit as guards just underneath them, leading the way to high cheekbones and a mouth that is perpetually drawn straight, tight-lipped. The only other direction he thinks that mouth is capable of turning is down.

"_It's not like I trust him_," his voice was so deep, he thinks, rumbling with such promise behind his words that he remembers visibly gulping even after declaring he would destroy every last one of _them_, declaring that he was on _his_ side of the fight.

"_And if he betrays me or goes out of control,"_ he recalls the way the man's eyes held years of weariness, ages of torturous sights. What was one more horrible thing?

"_I'll put him down immediately_."

*_creaaaaak_*

A door on squeaky hinges opens and snaps him out of his own mind. Three new military personnel appear outside of his cell.

"Eren, I'm sorry we kept you waiting. But it looks like you can finally get out of here."

She is a change of pace from Commander Erwin and Captain Levi, the only other military officers who have bothered to visit him down (_was he down?_) in his cell. Hair piled up into a haphazard and slightly lopsided bun, she gives him an actual smile. Her eyes crinkle behind her spectacles. She looks like she is barely containing an unprecedented amount of excitement and he wonders if it is for him, for what he is. Why that _excites_ anyone, he cannot guess.

Next to her is a man who looms over the trio. He is broad shouldered, strength exuding from his limbs as he stands with his feet hip width apart. It is a power stance that only aids in highlighting the muscles that lie underneath the ODM straps across his thighs. Blond hair and a light mustache above a closely shaved beard, Eren thinks that he is…sniffing? He gives Eren a wary look through narrowed eyes. His arms, previously at his side, have moved to cross over his broad chest, as if daring Eren to do anything stupid.

_I think I've done enough stupid for the time being_, he thinks to himself.

The third in their party is a small woman, smaller than Captain Levi by a few inches at least, whose smile is so warm Eren thinks that maybe one of the torches outside of his cell has fallen down and thrown the room into flames. Her hair is the color of gold. It hangs long and loose down her back in curling tendrils settling just below her ribcage. She has her eyes trained on him, but they are filled with impossible warmth, like glowing amber. They stare at him unlike the man's suspicious gaze. Her eyes seem contemplative. She appears to be assessing him, but in what way and for what purpose, he is unsure.

He hopes that he can stay in the company of these three, the two women in particular, for at least a little while. Maybe they will not threaten to immediately put him down like some street dog the way Captain Levi had.

"Gruber?" The first woman says to the guard currently outside of his cell, "The key?"

The man named Gruber rolls his eyes and reluctantly produces a key from inside his inner jacket pocket. He hands it over to the first woman with a small hint of disdain for what Eren thinks is the entire ordeal. With a small inward smirk, he reasons that no one probably _wanted_ to guard the cell of the boy who can apparently turn into one of _them_.

When the door's hinges cry out as the thick metal bars slide open, Eren swears he feels an air of freedom rush in. The small woman approaches him without hesitation, striding up to him in a glide as if she walks on air. She is impossibly light on her feet, Eren notes, with her hair lazily swinging behind her as she moves. Another key appears in her hand, and she gently grabs at the cuff around his right wrist. He winces when she moves it too suddenly, the metal biting down on his already aggravated skin.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes, and it is genuine. Her face is close to his, and he can see that her eyes are warmer than he first thought, with flecks of red like hardened resin dancing among the molten amber. "This may sting."

He allows her to uncuff him, wincing only a few times after she learned that the restraints hurt him when they move. Eren gingerly brings his right hand up to his face, examines it like a foreign object. A sudden flash of memory hits him.

_Teeth slamming down onto unbroken skin_.

He blinks. Once. Twice.

_What was that?_

Three times.

"Thank you," he mumbles quietly, still staring at his hand.

Warm fingers curl around his. The hand is small, so tiny as it grips around his own. There is a strength beneath her skin, though, and the pads of her fingers have been roughened by years of whatever task she is responsible for, he assumes. His eyes drift to hers and he sees that she is looking at his unbroken skin, wondering what he was seeing, probably. Her gaze switches back to his face and she gives him another one of those impossibly warm smiles.

"You are most welcome," she tells him. Her voice is soothing, and he wonders if she talks to everyone like that.

"Now come," she pulls him up by the hand she is still holding, "let's get you out of this squalid place, hmm?"

_*ahem_*

Gruber is peering into the cell, his beady eyes glaring at the tiny woman knelt by Eren's bedside. How anyone can give this woman a look like that is beyond him, and he's only known her for a grand total of three minutes.

"His _hands_." Gruber says gruffly with another eye roll.

"Watch it, _MP_," the first woman's eyes cut over to him from behind her frames, "keep rolling your eyes like that and they'll get stuck that way."

"Whatever, Titan Chow," Gruber throws his gaze back to Eren and the small woman, "just _bind_ his damn hands and get him out of here. I'm sick of this damp place."

"I'm sure this young man is too," he actually _hears _the woman next to him frown as she speaks, "what with all the welcoming hospitality he's received."

"Monsters don't _get_ hospitality."

"Monsters don't _save_ people." is her definitive response, her words laced with finality. She gently takes Eren's hands and cuffs them loosely together behind his back. Whispering to him quietly, she presses her fingers into his palms as if to reassure him of something he does not yet know, "_Remember that_."

Eren stands and follows her to join the other two out in the hallway. His steps are slow, unsure, but he does his best not to let too much of his absolute terror show. The first woman begins speaking as they walk down the hallway, away from his cell, his imprisonment.

"I'm Zoe Hange," the first woman introduces herself to him, "a squad leader in the Survey Corps. And he's – "

*_sniff sniff_*

"- Mike Zacharias…also a squad leader." She explains his apparent "gift" for smelling people and tries to reassure Eren that his following scowl is totally normal and not a reaction to _just_ his scent. Eren is not so sure he believes her.

"And this cute little sprite," she gestures to the woman on Eren's left, the one who helped Eren out of and then back into cuffs, "is Maia Beckett, the bright light of the Survey Corps!"

The small blonde woman, Maia, rolls her eyes with a good-natured smile playing on her lips. "Hange, _please_." She turns to Eren, "I'm just an equine veterinarian."

_*Harrumph_*

A quick blast of a laugh escapes Mike. "Just a vet my ass," he says, and Eren can practically hear the smile that busts out over his lips. "Tell that to L-"

"Oh!" Hange's outburst cuts Mike off and Eren wonders why they've stopped. She apologizes for not allowing him to speak at all and then casually instructs him to tell them _exactly how you feel_.

_What? Who is _"them"?

Eren feels a gentle hand on his arm and turns to see Maia giving him a reassuring smile. He doesn't know why, but when she speaks, he trusts her.

"You've got to just be you in there, Eren. Nobody else. _You_."

"Maybe I shouldn't say this," Hange is holding the door open for him, "but all we can do is believe in you."

He looks at her with wide, fearful eyes. But…he trusts her too.

"_Remember, _Eren," he hears Maia's smooth and calming voice.

"Remember what you did to _save_ them."

* * *

"Sorry about that…"

If Eren was going to quite possibly _literally_ sell his soul to anyone, he is happy that it is Commander Erwin Smith. The man holds deep compassion in his eyes and a stalwart mission in his heart. He is unmovable in his quest to further humanity's understanding and eradication of the Titans. He is unmovable in his quest to preserve them, to _save_ them all.

"_Remember what you did to _save_ them."_

Maia's words come back to him and he searches the room for her. She is leaning on her right side against the far wall opposite of the couch Eren is cradling his beaten body on. Captain Levi is there too, right next to her, and he has his back against the wall so that he is hunched at the shoulders, arms crossed over his chest. Hange is whispering harshly to him, but there is a small smile on Maia's lips directed at the captain. Eren can't hear what is being said, but by Captain Levi's bored look, he thinks the berating is falling on very deaf ears.

"You have my respect."

Eren feels his heart threatening to beat clear out of his chest. His respect? He has _Commander Erwin Smith's_ respect? He can barely contain his shock, his glee, his…trepidation. He is so consumed with rage towards the Titans that he loses himself in it. It swallows him whole sometimes, and he has to claw his way out just like he physically did from that Titan's belly.

What if he lets him down?

What if he lets everyone down?

The couch cushions next to him sag as a body _plops _down onto them. Eren feels his hand tighten around Erwin's, which he was just shaking - a moment that was still so surreal to him. The commander lets go of his hand with a small smirk at the situation. He must trust his captain very much, because he rises from his kneeling position and takes a few steps back to stand next to an approaching Mike as Eren turns his head to stare at Captain Levi's reclined form. One leg effortlessly comes up to cross over the other at the knee, and he throws an arm around the back of the couch so close to Eren's shaking shoulders that he can feel the heat from the captain's skin. The newly discovered Titan shifter feels himself involuntarily flinch and he brings his left hand up to his chest. What real safety that action actually offers him he knows is little to none.

"Tell me, Eren," his voice is still so deep when he speaks, almost aloof in tone, "do you resent me?"

He feels a new warmth at his side and without looking he knows it is Maia. The warmth she exudes is different from Captain Levi's. His is powerful, laced with tightly coiled energy that explodes from him when facing down humanity's greatest man-eating threats. Maia's is calming, a balm of soothing heat that spreads across his side as she stands there. The ribs Levi had stomped down on begin to hurt less, if that is even possible. Eren thinks it might be. Eren is still not convinced Maia _isn't _a healing goddess of some sort.

Her gentle hands come up to inspect his right arm, turning it this way and that to examine it. Captain Levi's eyes momentarily shift past Eren, presumably to look at her, and there is a change in the harshness of his stare, so quick that Eren nearly misses it, but he sees it. It is as if Levi too was overcome with her warmth. He is so focused on the captain, his fear making him hyper aware of Levi's movements, that he sees the edges of the captain's eyes soften ever so slightly. When the tired orbs switch back to Eren, the hardness is back as he regards him. He is expecting an answer.

"N-no, sir. I know you needed to put on a show."

_*pfft_*

Maia and Mike both puff out a short laugh behind him, but it is the small, warm woman who mumbles, "Hell of a show, nearly pummeling him to death against that pole."

"You could have shown some restraint…" Hange thrusts a handkerchief in between them and shows them a little square of calcified enamel. Blood is crusted around the base, staining the cloth it had been wrapped in. Levi visibly shifts his weight away from it. "He broke a tooth!"

"Hange…" Maia sighs but leans forward anyway and pokes the side of Eren's cheek. He winces but does not pull away from her. From his peripherals he sees her eyes narrow in thought. She brings her hand up to pinch his face on either side of his mouth, forefinger and thumb on opposite cheeks to gently pry his mouth open.

"First, it's disgusting that you've carried that in your pocket with you, Four Eyes," Levi looks over at Eren, "And second, look, I'd say being _nearly_ pummeled to death beats getting dissected any day. Instead of being ripped apart, he's being treated like one of Beckett's horses. That's gotta be a step up from whatever those pigs would do to him."

"_Hange_," Maia whispers over to the woman, ignoring Levi's snarky tone. They share a look as Maia nods her head to Eren's mouth which she has flopped open with the strength of her hands. As delicate and as tiny as they were, they really did hold a quiet strength that surprised him. "_Look_."

Hange looks into his opened mouth and her jaw drops to her chin. Levi leans forward only slightly, still deciding if he wants to have a look or not. Eren can hear Mike sniffing quietly as he regards the two women. Erwin shifts his hands to his hips as he peers over Hange's shoulders.

"Your tooth…" Maia tells him quietly, sharing a look with Levi now that is filled with so many unexplained emotions that Eren nearly forgets she is holding his face in a vise grip, his mouth propped open like a fish. What were they secretly communicating about?

Hange gapes at him and produces a notepad and pen from inside her burnt-orange jacket. She flips it open to a blank page and begins scribbling notes without even looking at what she is doing. Her mouth is practically salivating, eyes wide as saucers and lit with pure excitement.

"It's growing back…"

Levi scoffs from his position now fully leaned away from Eren.

"Look what you did now, kid. You're making her drool on herself."

* * *

A/N 2: Don't forget to leave a review on how you feel :) See you next time!


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, either the manga or the anime. All content pulled from either source is not mine. The plot and original characters do, however, belong to me.**

* * *

Chapter Two: Monster Boy

"Where are we going?" Eren looks around the secluded courtyard they are in. A single archway, high and made of powerful stone serves as an exit from the large space. To his left is a long expanse of stable enclosures, and the smell of hay along with the unmistakable stink of horse manure assaults his nose.

"You're going to the corps' old headquarters, kiddo," Hange informs him, notebook still clutched firmly in her hand. He hasn't seen her without it since the incident with his tooth. She adjusts her glasses before nodding at the archway, indicating a place far beyond the courthouse he's just been arraigned (more like _accused_) in. "A few kilometers south of Hermina."

"Wait, _I'm _going? You're not coming?" Eren is momentarily filled with dread. What about Mikasa? Armin? Hange is one of the only people possibly on the entire _planet_ who doesn't stare at him like he would be better off dead. If she isn't coming with them then that means –

"Problem being alone with me, kid?" Captain Levi's voice is bored as he approaches from behind them. He is leading a horse by the reins and holding a fresh green cloak in one hand. "Don't tell me you're scared after a little beat down?"

He throws the cloak towards Eren, and the newly minted cadet flinches as if the cloak had been something explosive.

"_Little_?" A smooth voice scoffs from behind them. "Let's not start this journey off with lies, Levi."

Maia is coming out of the stables, several horses following her without their reins being pulled. They trail her without question, loyally, almost…_reverently_.

_Wait, _is_ she a goddess or something_? Eren knows that is a foolish thing to wonder again, but it is the only thing he can think of when he sees these beasts looming over her almost protectively. She is so small, but the height and mass of the horses make her seem like she is leading an army behind her.

"_Tch_." Levi makes an unimpressed noise from behind his teeth, but Eren can see his eyes soften again as he looks over at her. It's so brief, so fleeting, that he almost misses it a second time. "Fine. A _moderate_ beat down."

Mike guffaws loudly as he approaches, arms laden with saddle bags, "Always so _modest_, Levi, aren't you?"

"Down boy," Levi sends the most humorless smirk Eren has ever seen over to the tall blond man. "_Doctor_, your hound dog has gotten loose."

Maia simply rolls her eyes with a small smile playing on her face.

"Very funny," Mike slaps a hand against Levi's back, jolting the captain forward only slightly. Eren winces. If Zacharias had slapped him like that, with his still tender injuries? He would have fallen flat on his face. Levi must be made of pure, solid muscle. The captain merely sends another bored expression over to the larger man, though there is no mistaking the underlying feel of camaraderie between all of these soldiers. It permeates the very air around them.

"Let's get a move on," the captain cuts his eyes over to a group of corps soldiers striding up to them with bags slung over their shoulders. Green capes billow in the cool breeze running through the courtyard. "I don't care for dawdling with the mutts."

Eren knows he's referring to the MPs gathered around sneering at their group. If his comment about Mike being a hound dog had been in jest, this comment was meant to be taken seriously. He also knows that none of the corps soldiers standing around him care very much for the Military Police. They are like children pressed together on the sidewalk, examining some sort of bug they've found. The Survey Corps is the bug. The MPs are holding a lens against the sun, taking pleasure in watching them burn underneath its magnified heat.

"Good luck with monster boy," one says from his place against the wall of the courthouse. His arms are crossed at his chest and his right foot is propped lazily on the stone behind him. He gives the group of soldiers in green capes a condescending sort of smile, like he feels sorry for them. Eren shrinks back against the horse Maia has led to him. It snorts behind him as if it too has been offended by the MP's harsh words.

Mike makes a move to step up to the soldier, but a soft hand presses a set of reins against his chest. Maia skirts by him, having passed a strong, chocolate brown stallion into his care. The equine animal watches her with attentive eyes, as if ready to come to her aid at but a moment's notice. Eren thinks that might be true.

She saunters up to the jeering soldier and stands firmly in front of him. Maia is almost comically short, even as the soldier loses height due to his bent leg and relaxed stance against the wall. From the corner of his eye, he sees Levi take a small, almost imperceptible step forward, Hange mimicking him.

"Soldier," she greets him with a false pleasantness that somehow drips in sarcasm. Eren thinks it's odd coming from her, a woman who has only shown kindness while in his presence. The horses behind them all whinny and neigh, stomping their hooves against the cobbled stone beneath them. The soldier stands to his full height, one hand coming to rest on his gun holstered at his right side. He towers over her now. A horse rears up on his hind legs, a huge, dappled stallion, and snorts angrily.

It is an alarming sight that is pregnant with barely restrained violence from both human and animal. Eren thinks bitterly that in this world it is already so hard to tell one from the other. He grinds his heels into the stone underneath him as if standing in solidarity with the horses threatening a stampede and the corps members who are tensed and ready to intervene. The soldier facing down Maia's unwavering stare grips his fingers around his gun harder, but Eren, Levi, Hange, and Mike can see the slight tremble they give off.

The Survey Corps must have quite a reputation among the Military Police.

Maia whispers to him, but the others can hear her clearly, "You would pull a gun on a fellow soldier?" She takes one step closer and the height difference is made even more apparent.

"I - " he gulps, suddenly seeming unsure of himself, " - you..._want _to be around that- that- that _monster_?" He tries to sneer at her, but he is sweating now under her stare and at the sight of the other corps members surrounding her. Not to mention the horses who are now going positively stir crazy behind them. It is almost unbelievable, the effect she has on this man, but his eyes are widening and his brow is beginning to sweat.

"Aww," she smiles sweetly, cocks her head to the side, and reaches one tiny, dainty hand out to lay it on the soldier's own. His fingers still tremble over top of his holstered gun.

"You can't think of any other names? I thought all MPs were the top of their class. Hmm," she squeezes his hand and Eren watches as his fingers flex underneath hers, crushed by the force she exerts on them. The MP hisses and removes his hand from his gun, either voluntarily or from Maia moving it for him.

"Guess _not_," she whispers low to him, eyes boring into his with an intensity that makes a strangle noise gurgle up from his throat.

Eren now knows why she is in the Survey Corps, in this squad, even if she is, as she says, _just an equine veterinarian_.

This soldier is actually _afraid_ of what she will do to him. This soldier who has at least a foot and then some on her in height and is _definitely_ over fifty pounds heavier. Yet, with just a simple pressure of her hand against his and her unwavering stare locked onto him, this large, burly soldier has been reduced to a sweating and...is he _whimpering?_...mess in front of them.

What were the members of the Survey Corps _made_ of? Eren has to wonder if he can even cut it. Levi's skill, speed, and strength, Mike's powerful form and heightened awareness, Hange's incredible intelligence and keen eyes, Erwin's unwavering resolve and resolute determination, and now? Now even their _veterinarian_ displays such wild intensity and undeniable ability? What if he isn't good enough? What if he's not like them? What if the only thing he has going for him is that he can turn into one of _them_?

Maia gives the MP's hand a final squeeze before letting it go. His fingers hang suspended at his side in the same contorted position Maia's hand forced them into. The other MPs around him are conflicted. Their faces clearly show they want to laugh at the man, but their body language displays a desire to hightail it out of the courtyard. Maia simply walks away from them all without another word. Swiftly, like she is being lifted by the air itself, she mounts her horse. The animals immediately calm down and seem to sidle up to their assigned squad members.

Mike mounts his horse as well as the other scouts who have joined them. Hange snickers quietly behind her notebook. Levi's eyes manage to leave Maia and cut over to the sweat covered soldier who now no longer looks so sure of himself. The captain gives him a bland stare accompanied by a _"tch_" before he too flips gracefully up onto his horse.

Eren switches his stare from the thoroughly embarrassed and scared soldier to Maia and then finally to his horse. The stallion Maia had led over to him is watching him curiously as if silently saying _"are you getting on or what?_" and he even walks a little closer to Eren in what might be emphasis.

He is clumsy while mounting the horse. His hands shake as he realizes he is leaving this god forsaken place and going with the Survey Corps, _the _Survey Corps, with Captain Levi Ackerman and his hand picked squad. Humanity's Strongest Soldier and his _hand picked_ squad. Eren! Eren Jaeger! _He_ is going with _Squad Levi_.

A sudden doubt-filled terror more intense than the feeling just moments prior nearly knocks him to the ground. It steals his breath and makes him grip the horse's saddle until his knuckles turn white. This is _real_, not a dream. He is _going with them!_ Out there...

"Come on, _monster boy_," Levi calls to him, "Don't give these snot nosed bastards anything else to say about us."

_Us._

What if he messes everything up? What if...what if he can't keep his word to Levi? To Commander Erwin? What...what if he fails them all?

A small hand comes to rest on his shoulder and he jumps. Eren turns to see Maia, who has pulled her horse over to him. She looks over at him softly. Her hand is not intimidating to him. That same hand that nearly crushed the MPs fingers is gentle against his cloaked body. In fact, it squeezes his shoulder reassuringly, not threateningly. He can't seem to understand how that soldier had been so afraid of her. To him her touch is like a ray from the sun coating his skin. He can feel it underneath the deep green Survey Corps cloak he had taken from Captain Levi and thrown over his own shoulders. He locks eyes with Maia who gives him a wide smile.

"Eren," she is sure to look pointedly at Levi when she says his name, doesn't call him _monster boy_, even in jest, "Let's get out of here. We've got _important_ things to do." She is sure to look at the soldier and his MP comrades this time.

"Together."

Her tone is final, unwavering, and Eren gets on the horse immediately.

He would follow these people anywhere. The doubt dissipates. Vanishes in a blink. He is filled with a sense of purpose as they ride out of the courtyard together. He can vaguely hear Hange yelling at the MPs to move out of her way unless they want to hear about or be _used in_ her Titan experiments. The scurrying of feet follows. Eren is actually _excited_ to help them now, to show his worth, to _prove_ he is on their side. Humanity's side.

He is not a monster boy, not a monster at all. He is Eren Jaeger. And he _will _save humanity.

Even if it kills him.

* * *

A/N: I have to believe that Eren is feeling a whole myriad of different emotions during this scene. Yes, he's trained with the cadets for this exact moment, with this specific goal in mind, but I think once the reality of it all sets in, he's going to have some doubts. After all, the courtroom scene and what was said about him couldn't have felt _good_.

To clarify from last chapter's author's note: I don't _hate_ Eren. He's just a hot mess express and yells a lot (like, _a lot) _and has wild as all hell emotions that make me exasperated with him. But, he's really just a kid, and his sweet little face is so precious that I can't help but _want_ to like him. It's like Harry Potter, you know? Few people actually say _Harry_ is their favorite character. Eren deserves a fair shake, though, so I'll keep him as a casual observer of the action and frequent POV for now.

And yes, I realize this is a Levi/OC pairing story but it can't _only _be them interacting and then doing the damn deed over and over without any plot development (notice my frequent need to defend my choices? I'm working on it...). I hope everyone likes how this is going so far with the POVs and present tense. I'm having a great time writing these precious little babes.

Up next: Squad Levi, who deserved _so much more_. So expect to see them for a while. I just love them to pieces.

Leave a review to tell me how you feel or just to say hello! See you in the next chapter, you beauties! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, either the manga or anime. Any material taken from either source is not mine. The original character and plot, however, belong to me.**

* * *

Chapter Three: Someone else

"As if the MPs don't already despise us."

"I didn't think you cared so much."

"_Tch._ I don't give a shit about what those mutts think."

Maia turns to look at Levi as they ride next to each other on the way to the old headquarters.

"Then what is it, Levi?"

Levi turns to look at her as well. He doesn't need to –he has memorized every inch of her face– but he always finds it pleasant to stare at her. Pleasant things are hard to find, he knows, so he will take all he can get. All he will allow himself, that is. His face does not betray his desire to look at her own, staying placid and carefully emotionless, but he has a feeling she can see right through him.

"He had a gun," he reminds her softly.

"And I had you," her reply is simple.

Levi is about to say something else to her, to chide her for putting herself in that _fool's _potential line of probably unpredictable fire, if he knew anything about the relatively _zero_ action the MPs saw in the capital. He wants to say something so he can ignore the burning heat that sears through his abdomen at her words, her voice. He is stopped by the sound of Oluo's obnoxious drawl. Maia turns to look forward as well.

"Don't get cocky, rookie," he is saying to Eren, leaning over on his horse to get closer to the boy. Maia frowns, makes a clicking noise with her mouth when she spots Eren's shoulders tense up, his whole body stiffen.

"I don't know about this Titan business," Oluo continues, "but the idea of Captain Levi chaperoning a pissant like you makes me–"

Maia makes the noise again and Levi watches as Oluo's horse somehow finds the only rock along their smoothed path. The jolting movement causes Oluo to bite down on his tongue. A few crimson sprinkles of blood shoot out as he brings his hands up to his mouth.

"Thun of a bith!" He calls out as best he can around his bleeding and now swelling tongue. Oluo looks down at his horse. "Whaths the mather with you, huh? Outh!" He complains some more though only half is comprehensible.

Levi's lips quirk upwards ever so slightly as he glances over at Maia. Those horses were absolutely devoted to her. He remembers a time when he thought it was strange, but that was many moons ago now. She loves them with her whole heart, those horses. And Eren seemed to be growing on the petite woman next to him as well. Oluo was unaware, but Maia definitely asked his horse, in a way that only Maia knew how, to falter its steps on purpose.

"Maybe you would have been fine," he says to her then, "since these beasts seem to think you shit gold."

Maia laughs lightly at his vulgarity. It sounds like a song as it rings through the air. He is distracted by it, by the music of her laughter, as he rides next to her, looking at the face he doesn't even need to look at because he has committed every plane, every inch, to memory. From a distance, always from a distance, he has made sure to capture her features in his mind.

He needed to in case...in case...

Her voice, smooth like honey, breaks Levi from his thoughts which are quickly going to a deep, dark, depressing place.

"I'm going to go chat with Petra," she informs him. "Eyes on the road, Lee."

_Lee._

She is the only person in the history of human existence who has given him a nickname and _not _been maimed or berated in some way. Even more, she is the only person in all of humanity's time walking this slowly dying, hellish, Titan infested world whom he has allowed to _continue_ calling him said nickname. He watches her go without another word, though he is sure to throw her a nasty look which he knows _she knows_ he doesn't even really mean.

_Lee_.

He shakes his head as if to empty his ears of her sweet voice filtering through them. It dances along his eardrums and sinks deep into his very being, her voice does. It is the only melody he thinks he could hear forever.

Levi sighs.

Things don't last forever anymore.

Not with Death constantly knocking on your door.

Or, in Wall Maria's case...

_Pounding_ it down.

* * *

"I wish you'd bitten your tongue off and died from blood loss…"

Eren is listening to Petra and Oluo talking to each other from his spot next to the stables. He is working on adjusting the bridle of one of Squad Levi's horses (he thinks it might belong to Eld?). The horse sniffs at Eren's hair, seems to pause to think, and then nuzzles his cheek affectionately. Eren muses that the horse must deem him safe and non-threatening, which is a lot more than he can say about the humans in this squad.

"I'm your comrade in arms! That's not funny…"

The conversation is more of Oluo acting completely suggestive towards Petra while Petra is easily deflecting his pathetic attempts at seduction. Eren can't decide if he is serious or not, but he thinks that maybe Petra would have beaten Oluo to the ground if he ever went too far. There are a lot more layers to this squad than he first realized. Everyone is so familiar with each other, as if they are secretly all of one mind. He guesses they would have to be with their track record out in Titan Country. He surveys the group while another member's horse (wait, was _this _one Eld's?) nudges him in the shoulder to get his attention.

_Gunther Schultz. Seven solo kills. Forty assists._

_Maia Beckett. Five solo kills. Thirty assists._

_Petra Ral. Ten solo kills. Forty-eight assists._

_Oluo Bozado. Thirty-nine solo kills. Nine assists._

_Eld Jinn. Fourteen solo kills. Thirty-two assists._

Oluo is practically a Titan killing legend. Eld is Levi's second in command. Petra is one of the few females in the Scouts _period_ and she has snagged a spot on an elite Special Operations squad. Gunther has a reputation for being calculating, precise and second only to Petra in easily maneuvering in for assists. Even their equine veterinarian has impressive statistics. Squad Levi truly is a group of Scouts to be reckoned with. Not to mention they are individuals that many look up to, aspire to be, even.

_But, these people are here to restrain me when I use my Titan power. If I…_

_...If I go out of control…_

_...These people are going to kill me…_

"Don't mind them," Eren nearly jumps as a voice sounds from behind him. Was _all _of Squad Levi light on their feet and undetectable?! He turns to find Eld patting a nearby horse. Well, so, _none_ of the horses Eren had handled had been Eld's…

"They always do this," he reveals with a smile clear as day on his face, "like a bunch of schoolgirls. You get used to it. Oluo has an abrasive personality. He'll grow on you."

Petra chooses that moment to stalk by, grabbing at the horse whose bridle clasps Eren had been trying to tie. So it was Petra's horse…

"Yeah," she huffs, "like a tumor."

"Most handsome tumor you ever did see!" Oluo calls from his seated position at the well in the center courtyard. He has a handkerchief dabbing at the blood dribbling out of his mouth from his earlier injury. Petra rolls her eyes and scowls. Eld continues to smile.

"_Ack_," Gunther voices distaste as he strides up to the group with Captain Levi at his side. The height difference between the two men is almost comical, if the threat of meeting bodily harm was not so imminently present should Captain Levi ever find out about it seeming slightly humorous. "This place hasn't been used in a long time. It's fallen into disrepair."

"That's a major problem," Eld sighs as if knowing what was coming next. The shoulders of the entire team seem to deflate and Eren wonders why they all look as if something terrible is about to happen.

"Nothing is beyond repair," Levi's bored voice filters in. "Fix it up immediately."

He then proceeds to assign the squad members seemingly _monumental _cleaning tasks that have Eren's face paling. This place was _huge_, how were they supposed to–

"Jaeger," Levi's tone is cold, aloof, uninterested, "top floor. I want it spotless. Go. _Now._"

Eren doesn't need to be told twice. And he certainly doesn't need a time frame to know that Captain Levi means _yesterday_. He scurries off quickly into the compound but not before hearing him order Maia to _clean these shitty stables out before we all die of exposure to fucking feces._

* * *

It has taken him nearly half the day (it is nearing time for dinner, if his stomach is any indicator, and they had arrived mid morning) to get the top floor "spotless." Well, spotless in his opinion, anyway. Eren has never cleaned so much in his entire life. He occasionally heard the other squad members grumbling from various parts of the old castle throughout the day. With the window thrown open, Eren heard Maia singing sweetly to the horses as she worked to clean out their stalls, enclosure, and troughs, as well as remove the bramble and overgrown plants from around the stable itself. She has long ago finished, speedy in her work, but still remains outside with the horses, continuing to quietly sing to them.

He sighs and straightens out his posture, hears an unpleasant _pop_ in his back after being hunched over scrubbing for the better half of the day. Quickly, he goes through the stone hallways of the headquarters to find Captain Levi. When he approaches the room the captain occupies, he sees him staring out the window. Maia's voice floats up on the wind and fills the space of the room, echoes off the masonry around them. He must admit that Maia's voice _is_ captivating. It's been a long while since he has heard _anyone_ singing, what with all the awful things going on. It's a rare occurrence, one that Eren thinks should be treasured. Captain Levi's countenance suggests he thinks the same thing, but, perhaps, for a different reason.

The captain's face is calm as he listens, the part of his face visible to Eren at least. He is turned so that his right elbow is leaning on the window sill. A cloth covers his hair and another his mouth. His left eye is all that Eren can see but it is softer than usual, less severe. The skin around his temple has relaxed, the lines of worry not so prominent, the dark circles seemingly lighter. He knows it is probably a trick of the slowly waning light that is slipping through the window, but he also is _still_ not wholly convinced Maia doesn't have special powers. Anything is possible if recent events are to be considered…

"Top floor is cleaned, sir," he hates that he has just interrupted the captain's reverie, but he also doesn't want him to think he has taken his good old time cleaning the _impossibly_ large "attic" space. It was way larger than he thought it would be. Not an attic _at all_.

Levi's shoulders tense as he spins quickly to face him, pulling down the cloth over his mouth in the process. He raises a single brow at him, the dark features settling back into the lines of his face. Eren feels guilt wash over him for pulling the captain from a rare moment of peace.

"Sir," he ventures to ask when the captain makes no move to speak. "Where should I sleep in this facility?"

Maia's voice has stopped singing, but Eren barely registers it as Levi regards him with that cool stare of his. He should be used to the scrutiny by now, but he finds that he is really not. It still makes him wildly uncomfortable.

"Your room is in the basement."

The memory of the _dungeon_ he had just been freed from comes barreling back to the forefront of his mind. Subconsciously he brings one hand up to his opposite wrist, as if the painful lesions from the handcuffs are still there. They have long since healed but all the same they were entirely unpleasant. He wishes Maia, or Hange or Mike, even, was here to help him.

"T-the basement? _Again_?"

Levi sighs. "Naturally," he says it as if Eren is the stupidest person in all of Paradis. To Levi maybe he is. "You still can't hold yourself back. If you're underground, we'll be able to restrain you even if you turn into a Titan while sleeping. That's one of the conditions we were given when they placed you in our custody. Or do you not remember after the _small_ beatdown? It's a rule we must follow. I'm not willing to negotiate on this. My squad's safety comes first."

Levi's eyes cut over to the window and back so quickly that, once again, anyone not zeroed in on him would miss it. Ever since the first time, all the way back in that small room after his trial, Eren has taken to staring more carefully at the captain whenever in his presence. He wants to catch it each time it happens. That subtle softening of his eyes, that gentleness that washes over his features. It's as if he needs reassurance that he isn't making this all up. _Something_ is going on here, whether Captain Levi and Maia are fully aware of it or not. There was definitely a "_her _safety comes first" unexpressed but _absolutely_ implied at the end of Captain Levi's explanation.

Eren knows it is because Maia shows, for reasons he can't even begin to understand, a particular affection and affinity towards him, the boy who can turn into a Titan, and it's something that does not settle well with the captain. He doesn't know _why_ Captain Levi has a problem with it, all he knows is that he _does_. One possible reason may be that Eren's powers are still dangerous and unpredictable. Eren inwardly sighs. He certainly wouldn't want someone he cares about to be caught in the crossfire should something go wrong, and knowing his luck, something _would_.

Eren's shoulders visibly droop. A bead of sweat appears at his temple. He is going right back to where he started in that courthouse. Eren presses his eyes shut tightly for a moment. Not the basement...not the...not a _dungeon_ again.

So he wasn't part of the squad, Eren thinks to himself bitterly. He is just a task that comes with _conditions _and _failsafes. _A giant burden that must be endured for the _possible _good of humanity. Did they even think he was human? Did they even see him as one of them? Or...was he...one of..._them_?

"I'm going to check out the rooms you cleaned. They better not be shit. Do this one while I'm gone." Levi disappears around the corner and Eren sags against the wall behind him, completely dejected.

Captain Levi is _way_ more closed off than Eren expected.

* * *

"_Tch_, the kid can't clean to save his life."

"Well hopefully it doesn't come down to that."

Levi turns to see Maia leaning against the doorframe of one of the top floor rooms he currently occupies. She is staring at Levi with an amused expression, arms crossed over her chest. Her cloak has been discarded and she has forgone her uniform jacket, wearing only her taupe colored shirt with the ODM gear straps secured over top. He tries, tries and fails, not to notice the criss-cross ties at the top of her shirt hanging open, the thin sheen of perspiration glowing on her skin.

"He's a good kid, Lee," she walks further into the room, a look on her face that clearly says she is lightly scolding him. He couldn't give a shit about disappointing anyone else, but her? Maia? He hates seeing this look in her eyes. And he hates it even more when it is directed at him.

Levi resumes checking over Jaeger's cleaning job. "I never said he wasn't. And you've known him for, what? A day? Hardly a timeframe to learn about someone's character." He scoffs again. Why she already so obviously adored the kid is still a mystery to him.

"I guess you're right. You certainly took a while to show me who you really are." She is right behind him now, "But, at any rate, you're not very kind to him."

"Since when am I kind to _anyone_?" He slowly turns to face her and is surprised that she is so close to him, only a few inches away from where he stands.

"I'm not anyone?" Levi knows she is teasing him. She is always fucking teasing him. The only one who can get away with it, honestly. Saying he hates it would be a lie. But he can never admit out loud that he enjoys it. The squad would never let him hear the end of it should they find out. And that would be the beginning of admitting something he knows he can never say. And she...Maia...what if during the next expedition she…

No, it is better this way.

If he says it enough, maybe one day he will believe it.

"You're not _anyone_," Levi finally finds his voice, impassive and uncaring as usual, but the smallest amount softer. Only for her. Always for her.

He reaches out, slowly, carefully, and begins to tie the front laces of her shirt back up. Maia's breath catches, as it always does, as it always will. She watches his face, though she doesn't have to; she has long ago committed it to memory. A pinch at the sides of his steely eyes draws her gaze. She knows he is worried about Eren – having him here, training him, _helping_ him. The world very often weighs on Levi Ackerman's shoulders. Maia would know. She looks at him enough.

His nimble fingers moving across her collarbone bring a smile to her face, a heat to her cheeks. Levi _was_ kind, in his own way, in certain moments. She knew that. _He_ knew that she knew that. Her smile stays in place, she makes sure of it. It is warm, she has been told numerous times by many people, but for him she knows it is different. She feels the longing that wells up inside of her, deep in her bones. It physically aches some days, hurts on others. But she bears it well. She has to. She would do anything for him.

Yes, it is better this way.

If she says it enough, maybe one day she will believe it.

Levi's voice is quiet, a whisper when he continues. His fingers have made quick work of her shirt laces, palm now resting lightly on her chest, barely any pressure there, with his pointer finger lying lazily, gently, lengthwise across the delicate bone along her collar. If he did not know better, if he had less restraint, he would have caressed her skin with that forefinger, pressed his hand firmly against her skin. But he does know better. He does have enough restraint. Barely. He knows he can't. It kills him, but he knows he can't. He can feel her pulse beating underneath his hand. A steady _thump thump. _It is comforting. Knowing she's alive. Here. With him.

For now.

"You're _someone_," he tells her and he means it. He knows _she_ knows he means it.

Maia brings a hand up, her tiny, little hand that calms giant beasts and humans alike, and places it over his. They stand like that for a few moments, looking at each other, being silent with each other, just _being_ with each other, before she gives his fingers a small squeeze and releases him. It is all she allows herself to do, to touch. Only his hand. She can't do anything more. She fears if she does, she will never be able to stop. Maia steps back and Levi feels cold. It is a familiar feeling, one that he hates but knows well. Coldness he can deal with. Giving in to warmth? _Having_ warmth? And then losing it?

No, he does not think he could handle that.

Before he can step back towards her, back into her warmth, that inviting, wonderful warmth, he uses every ounce of resolve he has (something he finds he does quite often when in her presence) and walks towards the door. Levi spares her one last glance, trying to convey something (he doesn't really even know _what_) in his stare. He hopes she can understand what even he doesn't. She has always been intuitive like that. Some days he thinks she knows him better than he knows himself. Maybe that's true.

"Levi." He closes his eyes. How is her voice so soft? And warm? Like molten sunlight. How is that possible? He opens them again and sees the setting sun's beams flooding around her form like a flood of heavenly light, if a place such as heaven even exists. He thinks that if it does, Maia would certainly belong there. Her hair, golden and gleaming, flows around her. Her eyes, glittering with some emotion he is afraid to let himself name, gaze at him and warm his veins.

She looks angelic.

"You're someone to me too."

The air rushes from his lungs and he leaves the room before he does something he can't (and wouldn't) take back.

When he gets down to where Eren is, barging in on his conversation with Petra who begins to furiously sweep a spot near the door which only makes the dust fly more, Levi scolds Eren probably harder than he should.

But what was he supposed to do? Feel that _other_ emotion he saw in Maia's eyes? Give it a name? Acknowledge it? He can't. He won't. As much as it makes his chest feel like it is literally caving in, he can't allow himself to go there. Not with her. Not with Maia.

She is the light, pure and bright and shining. And he…

_Gods,_ what if during the next expedition he has to watch her…

And if he allows that emotion to take over before then?...

If he allows himself to feel that?

And then she…

_No_.

_No. _He couldn't do it. He wouldn't survive it.

He had lied earlier when she was standing there bathed in the sunlight like an otherworldly creature, someone so lovely that he doesn't even think his damaged soul should even be allowed to look upon her. He had lied when he told her she is someone to him.

She is _so much more_ than just _someone_.

And if he wasn't who he is, if this life wasn't what it is, with danger around every corner and the next day not guaranteed, well, then he would tell her. He would tell her _exactly_ who she is to him. And he would allow himself to give in to that warmth, that heat, that burning desire.

He would tell her and he would never let her go.

He would tell her if life was different. If life had made him…

...someone _else_.

* * *

A/N: I just casually break my own damn heart when I write shit like this. These poor babies. How I love them so.

As you can see, I pulled some lines and moments from Squad Levi's journey with Eren towards the Scout's old headquarters. I thought the moment with Oluo and the horse was perfect for inserting Maia and her connection to the horses. We also got more of Eren and the emotional roller coaster that is his entire existence. I have to imagine it is hard for him to be away from Armin and Mikasa, two people who love him unconditionally and would never think he is some sort of monster. But he's doing his best at dealing with Squad Levi and also slowly picking up on the rather frustrating relationship between Levi and Maia. They're a stubborn pair, but can we really blame them?

The next chapter will take us back in time to when Levi is first "recruited" into the Scouts. I put that in quotes because, well, blackmail and a stinking puddle of mud to the face doesn't exactly scream _good __recruitment_ _tactic _to me.

I hope you're all liking this so far! Thanks to everyone who has favorited and followed and reviewed. I am so humbled and grateful! Stay tuned and I'll see you lovely humans next time :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, either the manga or the anime. All content taken from either are not mine. The original character and the plot, however, belong to me. This chapter contains elements from the SnK "No Regrets" manga.**

As a refresher here are some dates before we begin:

844: Levi, Isabel, and Furlan are recruited into the Survey Corps

845: the Fall of Wall Maria

847: Eren begins training in the 104th Training Corps

850: The Battle of Trost

Since Levi is said to be either in his early or mid thirties during SnK, I am taking the liberty of putting him at 32 in the year 850. So here in the year 844 he is 26 and Maia is 23. She is 29 in the present day chapters. Just some perspective! It doesn't really matter, but I thought I would add this anyway. Enjoy chapter four. xx

* * *

Chapter Four: Isabel

_A few years prior, the year 844…_

"Easy, girl, easy, _shhh_."

The air is delightfully cool that day. A light breeze plays with the ends of Maia's hair, tied together in pigtails that trail down her front and over her chest. She is reminded of a time when all she knew was pasture after pasture, wild horses, farm animals, and a day that began before the sun rose and ended after the sun had set. Days like today brought her happiness, nostalgia, but also pain and sadness.

It was a win lose type of scenario, she supposes.

She coos some more at the horse she is currently handling, trying to calm the mare down from whatever has spooked her or, in this horse' particular case, annoyed her. Her hands are gentle with the sizable animal; she towers well over Maia who, at twenty-three, is just a slight little thing with not much height to boast at all.

After successfully penning the horse, Maia hears footsteps behind her. She turns to see a young woman, possibly younger than her own age, standing behind her. Her hands rest on her hips and she looks more than displeased to be anywhere near Maia. Red, choppy hair pulled back into two unruly stalks at the back of her head, and a set of stunning green eyes draw Maia's attention first. The girl is staring, almost _glaring_ at Maia, assessing her. In fact, she seems to be judging her.

"Hello," Maia greets her warmly, as is her custom, and the woman instantly narrows her eyes.

"Hiya," her tone is not as nice as the word should probably sound. "I'm here to train or something. Whatever." She huffs and crosses her arms, looking around for something that Maia is unaware of. Later she will learn that the woman is always looking for her two companions.

"You must be Isabel?" Maia has been tasked by her squad leader, Flagon Turret, with teaching the three new Survey Corps recruits about how to properly ride, handle, and care for a horse. She heard from Zoe Hange, a fellow corps member who had been in her graduating class, that these three had lived in the Underground prior to being captured by Squad Leader Erwin Smith and his team.

What had it been like to grow up in a place without sunlight? Maia had spent most of her childhood outside, basking in the glow of the sun and soaking in its rays. She couldn't imagine…

"Ye_p_, that's me." Isabel loudly pops the _p_ at the end of _yep_ and scans the area, totally bored.

"Well, it's wonderful to meet you. I'm Maia Beckett. Would you-" Maia stops as she watches Isabel's head cock to the side. She is looking at the horse Maia has just calmed down. A notoriously finicky horse, Breya is loyal to very few riders, and gives even fewer people little to no problems. She is headstrong and stubborn, unable to be bribed with food and wholly averse to a good wash down. The horse is also perpetually wary of strangers. If horses knew what it meant to narrow their eyes, Maia thinks Breya would do it constantly.

"That's Breya," Maia informs Isabel. "I think...I think she might be a good fit for you, actually. Would you like to meet her?"

Isabel thinks about it for a moment, is silent, then nods her head slowly, avoiding eye contact with the golden haired horse handler.

When Maia takes Breya out of her stall, the horse immediately begins to whinny and protest. She has already been out today and all the horse wants to do is eat and be left alone. Maia, however, rarely gives in to stubbornness and instead leads the horse over to Isabel. The girl from the Underground must admit that the tiny woman in front of her is strong. She is pulling the horse with no problem despite the animal's clear resistance. Isabel almost lets herself be impressed. _Almost_.

_She is shorter than Levi by a landslide_, Isabel thinks to herself. _Huh. Would ya look at that?_

"Now, you will be good to her," Isabel lifts her eyes to glare at Maia but sees that the small woman is actually...talking to the horse? _What a weirdo. I gotta tell the guys about this._

"Have you ever ridden a horse?" Maia poses the questions kindly, but Isabel bristles nonetheless.

"Why? Because I'm Underground filth that grew up in a sewer? Is that why?"

This girl has an abrasive and explosive personality, but Maia has certainly dealt with worse. Flagon, for example, is as hard-headed as they come, and Hange, one of her closest friends, goes through emotions like they were hours of the day.

"Because you are holding the reins incorrectly."

Isabel looks down at the grip she has on the horse's, Breya's, reins. She had reached out for the dappled mare while Maia was speaking to her, noting that the woman had dropped the leather straps in favor of just _knowing_ the horse would follow after her. What was she, some sort of horse enchanter or something? Isabel _really_ couldn't wait to tell the guys about her day.

To her credit, Isabel manages to blush and look abashed before Maia corrects her grip, positioning her fingers with slender digits of her own. Maia's hands are deceptively strong for being so tiny. She as a whole appears strangely powerful for her size. Perhaps that is because the horses in their stalls are all looking at her reverently, even Breya, who snorts and kicks her hoof when something as harmless as a passing bee trails too close to her.

"There. This will allow you to lead her more comfortably, should you want to walk her around this enclosure. Can I help you swing up into the saddle?"

At first, Isabel is hesitant. She digs her standard issue boots into the ground as if contemplating whether to flee or not. She is wearing her ODM gear. It would be easy to just take off into the trees and not look back. Maybe she could even find the guys…

She makes the mistake of looking back at Maia and her stupidly warm face and her stupidly warm smile. Damn her. Why was she being so nice to her? Did she want something? Had she figured out their plan? No, that wasn't possible. Levi is careful. He and Furlan have iron tight resolves. They would never have let it slip. She's probably just...nice?

Could this woman really just be...nice?

"If I wanted to hurt you," Maia is right next to her and the sounds of horses behind her and of Breya to her left actually intimidate Isabel, "I would have already done so and you would have never seen it coming. So, please, let me help you onto Breya. You will feel better once you are in the saddle. It's freeing. I promise."

For some strange reason, Isabel believes that if Maia had wanted to harm her she would have done so and Isabel would have been none the wiser. This woman seems to have a lot more layers than what is presented on the outside. And she _is_ in the Survey Corps after all. There is no telling what secrets and strategies are in her mind, what she has been taught in the rigorous military training she had gone through. All Isabel knows is what she learned down in the Underground streets, trying to survive with Levi and Furlan.

"Okay," Isabel relents, hesitantly putting one foot in a stirrup, "but if this horse throws me off, I'm punching you square in the nose."

Maia simply raises an eyebrow and, without warning, all but _throws_ Isabel onto Breya. Briefly, Isabel is surprised and lets out an involuntary _oof!_ followed by a small _eep!_ when Maia clicks her tongue, causing Breya to slowly move forward. She softly but firmly instructs Isabel on how to properly hold on, how to guide Breya, and how to change her movement speeds. After a few practice laps, Isabel's confidence is high and her need to be free and feel the wind in her hair is even higher. Barely glancing back at Maia, she kicks at Breya's sides and pushes the horse into a steady gallop.

Racing across the large, fenced in enclosure, Isabel heads for the trees that dot along the posts. She gives a _hyah!_ to Breya and then lets out a _whoop!_ as she shoots the cables out of her ODM gear. The hooks dig into the bark of a tree ahead of them. Maia watches as Isabel flips in the air, laughing and yelling gleefully the entire time, before the redhead calls out for Breya who has not stopped her gallop. In one fluid movement, Isabel unhooks her wires from the tall tree and careens towards Breya's back. Gracefully, she lands back in the saddle and slows to a stop near Maia, who is standing with her hands on her hips, a knowing, happy look on her pretty face.

Isabel wants to be angry, to hate her and her soft looks and gentle grace, but she has just given her temporary freedom from the confines of her new Survey Corps prison. For just a few moments, flying through the air (the _outside air!_), Isabel felt free. Maybe Maia isn't so bad.

For someone who lives above ground.

"I thought she would like you. I'm happy I was right." Maia pats Breya's neck lovingly, which the horse responds to by nudging Maia's face with her snout.

"Living in the Underground I've gotten good with animals. The ones I have trouble with're people!" Isabel's face is flushed from the ride and acrobatics. Her face beams down at the golden haired woman. Maia thinks it makes her look younger.

"The higher-ups and the other soldiers, they all put you down because you're from the Underground. But, when I think of a world without horses, without farms and pastures, without light...It must have been hard on you, living down there, right?"

Isabel's face drops slightly and Maia almost regrets asking. She wishes to know about this tumultuous woman in front of her too badly to have chosen her words a bit more carefully. She hopes she has not scared her off, because if it came down to it, Breya would come back to Maia if Isabel chose this moment to try to escape with her.

"Yeah, I guess," she looks off into the distance before continuing, "I was born and raised underground, so for me, livin' in a trash heap was normal…"

Maia recalls the smell of her childhood home, the aromas of the food that always seemed to be stewing away over the stove, the scent of her sheets and blankets and clothes. Always clean, always fresh. She can't imagine living in trash, _actual trash_, for her entire life.

"I got so I thought I was gonna die there, in that trash heap, but life's a little better since Levi saved me from that." A wistful smile appears on her face and Maia thinks it suits her. Isabel should be smiling, not scowling.

"I see," Maia looks off into the distance where a stack of long logs sit next to a few boxes and storage bins. Two figures are seated on them. "Levi did that?"

"S'right!" Isabel nods with vigor, "He's the strongest ever! Even in the Underground!"

"Wow," Maia sighs, thinking to herself, and pats Breya absentmindedly. The horse makes a content snort. "Is Furlan the same?" She asks because she thinks that it is him sitting on the logs with the other Survey Corps member, Matis. The man is one she does not recognize.

"Nah," Isabel shakes her head and smiles down at Maia, happy to talk about her friends despite her earlier distrust towards the horse wrangler. She supposes it's still true, doesn't think that a few laps around an enclosure are going to win her any room in Isabel's heart, but it's a start. Maybe the distrust will end one day. Perhaps not soon, but someday. "Furlan's…"

As Isabel goes on and on about her friend, Maia can't help but think about this Levi character. From what she's heard from Hange, he is a criminal, a seasoned one at that, with a record longer than a Titan's wingspan. According to Hange, who learned this from Mike Zacharius, this Levi Ackerman did not play well with others and was a vicious brute with no regard for authority. Or maybe Mike was annoyed because the man had called him a dog. Maia can't be sure.

She does know one thing, however.

She'd like to meet him.

Levi Ackerman seems like a wild horse.

And if there is one thing Maia Beckett is good at, it's taming wild horses.

* * *

Everyone is gathered in the mess hall for evening meal. Maia sits with her squad at a long wooden table off to the left in the canteen. Flagon is going on and on about how outraged he is to be working with _disgusting degenerates_ who _haven't done half the work we have to get here._

"What? So stealing and _murdering_ is now a prerequisite for the Survey Corps? _Tch_." He gives his food a nasty look, stabbing at his vegetables with unnecessary force. "Ridiculous."

"Isabel is actually quite lovely once you get to know her," Maia offers. She tears a piece off her roll and pops it into her mouth. Flagon focuses in on the movement of her lips, but continues to scowl.

"Well _you _would find even a Titan lovely _once you got to know it_, Beckett," Flagon rolls his eyes and looks to another squadmate of Maia's, one of Flagon's subordinates named Castor. He is a burly man with a close cropped buzzed hairstyle and neatly trimmed facial hair. His hair is dark and so are his eyes, but his personality is bright. Castor has a delightful sense of humor that constantly helps to boost morale when times get tough, which they do nearly every other week when in the Survey Corps, it seems.

Castor, however, is not looking at Flagon, but at Maia. Her entire squad knows her backstory, knows about her old squad, the one she was assigned when she first entered the Survey Corps. He sees her visible intake of breath, her shoulders deflate. Flagon can be callous and inappropriate at times. Sure, he is a rule follower and a military purist, but his demeanor and actions can be full of arrogance. Joking about something like _that_ with someone like _her_? That is reserved for Hange, who has some strange affinity for the monsters; it shouldn't be used with her. Not with Maia.

She excuses herself from the table, golden hair swinging freely now out of the confines of her pigtails, and grabs her plate, intent on getting as far away from Flagon as possible and getting as close to the tea kettle as she could. There were very few things herbal tea could not cure, in her opinion. One of those things was unwanted memories. On her way to the large stove topped with several kettles, she sees Isabel sitting at a table with two other men. Everyone is giving them a wide berth, as if the three are carrying some sort of plague. The stigma around the Underground confuses Maia. How is it their fault they were born into darkness? Where else were they to go? How could they make a life above ground if everyone thought they were dirty street rats covered in filth?

The man to Isabel's right Maia recognizes as Furlan, the one she had spotted sitting on the logs with Matis earlier. He is handsome, Maia must admit, with his blond hair slightly unruly and grazing the tips of his ears. His eyes are wide in shape and strangely inviting for a supposed criminal. Furlan has kind eyes, innocent looking eyes. Maia wonders what he got up to in the Underground that was so bad. She supposes everyone has their secrets.

The final member of their trio is a striking man with piercing cobalt eyes. They are partially hidden under the fringe of his bangs, hanging down over his face and casting his eyes in shadows. As opposed to Isabel, with her unruly hair and wild way of wearing it, this man's hair is impeccably kept; his undercut is meticulously maintained. Like Furlan, this man is attractive as well, with a distinct air of mystery and danger surrounding him.

This must be Levi Ackerman.

Isabel spots her and stands up abruptly, causing both men to follow her gaze. Maia can feel their stares on her as she tries to look only at Isabel. The redhead gives her a wide smile but keeps her body angled slightly away from her. Maia didn't expect to earn her trust in a day.

"Maia! Heya! D'ya think we can go a'ridin' tomorrow mornin' before whatever hell they have planned for us?"

Maia smiles at her gently and nods. "Sure. I'll show you how to stable her afterward as well."

Isabel makes a triumphant noise and pumps a fist in the air. When Isabel has settled back into her seat, Maia turns to Furlan and sees him watching her with big eyes. What he is thinking she cannot guess, but she gives him a respectable half bow anyway.

"Hello," she greets him, "I believe you will be training on horseback with me tomorrow afternoon. My name is Maia Beckett. It's lovely to meet you."

"_Is it_?" The voice is low, emotionless, and it comes from her right. She cuts her eyes over to Levi, who has just spoken and is regarding her from underneath his hooded gaze. Maia knows he is trying to intimidate her, get her away from his friends, his people. Unlucky for him, she is not easily frightened. Not by humans, at least. She raises a single flaxen eyebrow at him and quirks one side of her lips.

"Of course it is. We're not all the same up here.." Levi's forehead crinkles, his brows draw together. A small, disgusted curl twists onto his mouth and he turns away from her, staring down into his teacup. Maia notices he has no plate in front of him, whereas Isabel and Furlan have piled theirs high with food.

"_Tch. _I don't care."

Maia shrugs, "Suit yourself. Furlan, Isabel, I'll see you both tomorrow. Have a great night's rest."

She can feel Levi's glare back on her as she walks towards the kettles.

Oh, yes, a wild horse indeed.

* * *

A/N: I love Isabel. Full stop. She is so complex and full of emotions and wonder. It is a joy to write her. This chapter has some borrowed scenes from the No Regrets side story manga which details Levi's first year with the Scouts. He's a slightly darker, rougher, grittier lil' gem in this era, so he'll be quite different from how he's written in this story in the present day chapters. To Maia especially. There is a scene in the NR manga with Isabel and another woman where she performs that same flip maneuver on a horse. I don't see Maia as looking like that character, but I borrowed her pigtails and some of her dialogue.

Thank you to all who have reviewed, favorited, and followed so far! I am encouraged by your support and elated that you're liking it! Slide some reviews in to tell me how you're feeling; I love hearing from everyone! And if you spot a mistake, let me know so I can correct it! I proof read every chapter many, many times, but sometimes I miss something anyway. Thank you so much for all of the love :)

Next chapter is back to OG Squad Levi because I can't get enough of them, and more talk about our frustratingly obstinate pair because we are gluttons for angsty romance feels, I guess? It's fine. We're fine. We'll get through it. See you then! xx


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, either the manga or the anime. All content taken from either source is not mine. All original content does, however, belong to me.**

* * *

Chapter Five: Dark and Light

_Present Day…_

Eren sits in silence at the table. Squad Levi is together, having tea around a kerosene lamp. He does not grab his full teacup because he can feel his hands trembling in his lap. No one is speaking to him; they barely even look at him. He thinks it is better if he says nothing. Levi is out conducting one last perimeter patrol and Maia has just gone back to the kitchen. The clattering of pots and pans can be heard. He wishes she had stayed at the table with him. At least she would have acknowledged him, would have been kind to him.

"Wonder what they'll have us do tomorrow," Eld is saying, "with the kid."

Eren knows that's him. He's _the kid_. He's right there, next to them, with them, and they speak of him as if he isn't.

Oluo leans back in his chair, the front two legs suspended off the ground. He is holding a teacup under his chin. "_Pfft,_ beats me. Probably poke him a bunch to see what happens."

"If that's the case, wouldn't Hange want to be here? She's a nut over those things."

Eren feels himself recoil at Gunther's words. _Those things_. Is he? He isn't. He can't be. Maia said…

_Remember what you did to _save _them._

"Don't let Beckett hear you say that. Those two were in the same graduating class. They're practically inseparable when together. If she hears you saying that, she'll have your horse toss you off." Petra admonishes them.

Oluo brings a hand up to his mouth as if reflexively. His finger prods at his now healed tongue. His eyes narrow. _Did Maia make his horse…?_

Gunther rolls his eyes at Petra and tilts his head towards her, "Defending your sister in arms, eh? Don't think we don't know that you _three _ladies are a squad of your own. I bet you'll just tell her anyway. I'm not surprised you came out of your daydreaming about the captain just so you can defend your best friends."

Eren's head snaps up. He speaks without even thinking. His words cut through the air and cause the room to fall silent.

"I thought Captain Levi and Maia were together?"

All four of them stare back at him. They blink together.

Once.

Twice.

Oluo is first to break the quiet, the tension. He erupts into loud laughter, tilting too far back in his chair and nearly losing his balance. He starts, flinging his legs out in front of him. His knee slams on the underside of the table as he rights himself and his tea comes sloshing out of his teacup. The hot liquid splatters all over his cravat. Gunther, Eld, and Petra all join in laughing at his expense and soon the entire table has dissolved into hysteria. Eren wonders what he said that was so funny…

"You asked…" Oluo wipes at his eyes with his tea stained kerchief, "You asked if th-the captain a-and Maia…" he tries to hold in another laugh but his mouth splits open as all the air rushes out, "were _together_?!"

Eld manages to calm down first and turns to Eren. The younger man briefly thinks how this is not the conversation during which he wanted the squad to first acknowledge him, but, hey, he will take what he can at this point.

"Those two…" he trails off before considering his next words carefully, "Have been through a lot. We all have, I guess, with things the way they are and all, but they went through all of their stuff _together_. The topside stuff, anyway. They go way back. It's...complicated, their relationship."

"Like two opposing forces that want to meet but...can't," Gunther explains quietly, the mirth lessening with each passing moment. "Or…," an exasperated sigh as if the squad has spent too much time wishing for something to happen that just, "_won't_."

"Dark and light," Petra adds. "You've seen them, Eren. How they are. One is dark, the other is light. Doesn't take a genius like Hange to figure out which one is which."

"Dark and light," Oluo nods. "That's them."

"You see," Eld shifts in his chair, "Eren, some people just won't…" he sighs again and redirects, "this world takes a lot from us, all of us, but it takes from some more than others. And I guess those two, well…"

Something is baking in the oven. Maia must be making some sort of sweetcake. The smell permeates the air and creates an odd sort of juxtaposition. The conversation is anything but sweet.

"I guess they don't want to risk losing anything else."

Eren is shaking his head, bewildered that the two of them wouldn't want to _be_ something when it is so painfully obvious to everyone around them that they should, "But wouldn't it make more sense to have happiness now rather than to never -"

"What are you idiots talking about?"

At the sound of Levi's voice Eren clamps his mouth shut and Oluo, who apparently has not learned from his past mistakes and is still leaning back in his chair, promptly falls backwards and smacks his head on the stone floor. He gives off a groan and sticks a foot in the air. Gunther rolls his eyes and in one swift movement grabs Oluo's chair, bringing him and the piece of furniture back to an upright position.

"N-nothing, sir! Just, um, _ah_, well…"

"Dark and light! Colors! We were talking about our favorite...colors?" Petra blanches. She knows she has been caught in a big fat lie. Levi is staring at her like she has grown a second head.

"Hm," Levi makes a noise low in his throat, "riveting."

"Yes," Gunther gives a sort of nervous laugh and scratches the back of his neck, "what's, uh, what's your favorite...color...captain?" He cringes at how absurd the question is, regrets it in the middle of asking it, especially when directed at _Captain Levi. _

The man in question raises a single brow, reaches for a teacup, and taps his finger against the ceramic. He seems, for a moment, to be somewhere else, in a memory. His eyes soften a fraction, his posture relaxes only slightly.

"Blue." He leaves no indication that he will elaborate on why, his form snapping back to its usual rigid posture, but the fact that he has given an answer at all has shocked the entire table.

Without another word he sits down and pours himself a cup of tea. The table visibly and collectively sighs in relief, happy their previous conversation hadn't been found out. Levi holds his teacup, hand carefully covering the top, and regards the table with an unamused look.

"Anyway," Gunther clears his throat and switches the subject, "what exactly are we expected to do here?"

"We'll probably be on standby for the next several days," Eld sighs and is momentarily distracted by the sound of Maia humming in the kitchen. Levi tilts his head in her direction, as if to position his ear so that he can hear as much of her voice as he can.

"But I hear they're thinking of launching a large-scale expedition past the Wall in thirty days."

_Thirty days?_ Eren thinks, surprised. _That's only a month here. Only a month to get my Titan ability under control, if that's even possible. What if...what if I can't do it? What if I let everyone die? People could die. _These _people _here _could die._

Eren is so transfixed on everything that could go wrong in the next thirty days that he misses half the conversation around him. He is only brought back to the present and away from the chilling thoughts of future destruction, by Eld's voice.

"It's still hard to believe...but...what happens when you _become_ a Titan, Eren?" His face is genuinely curious. Eren is taken aback. He thinks this might be a trap, but Eld's face is so open right now, so expectant. He can't possibly stay silent, can he? That would be rude and suspicious, even though he truly is unsure of what _exactly_ happens.

"My memories of it aren't really clear," he brings a hand up, looks at it thoughtfully, "but it's like I lose track of myself. I do know that the trigger is self-inflicted pain. I bite my hand like..._wait_…"

Eren is staring hard at his hand now, contemplating, considering. He feels it again in the back of his head. The pain. Splitting, pinching pain. It's not a normal headache, it's something sharper, stronger.

"How _did_ I know to do that?" He is still staring down at his hand when Levi tells them not to ask any more questions. Eren keeps looking down at his unbitten skin, the smooth plane of his thumb joint.

"Eren?"

Maia is back. She holds a bowl of blackberries out towards him. Her eyes are concerned, warm amber shadowed by her furrowed brows.

"Here," she takes his hand and places the bottom of the bowl onto his open palm. Eren's long fingers come up to grip the sides. She whispers so that only he can hear, "Something sweet always helps me...with headaches."

His eyes go wide but he cannot form a reply.

"Where did you even _find_ those, Beckett?" Oluo asks from his spot next to Eren. He is practically salivating at the sight of the plump, juicy berries.

"There are a few bushes of them behind the stables. Lucky find, really. I'm making a quick sweet cake to go with them. I know she really likes sweets."

"Who?" Petra wonders. As if on cue she gets her answer.

"HI THERE, SQUAD LEVI!" The door bursts open with a _clang!_ and Hange strides in, hair wild and eyes wide, her typical appearance. "Is the castle comfortable?!"

"_Her_," Maia gives a big smile to her friend, showing her teeth. Eren thinks it makes her look even more beautiful. He chances a glance at Levi whose face does not betray any emotion, but he sees the captain's fingers tighten slightly over the top of his teacup.

"_I guess they don't want to risk losing anything else_."

He doesn't know why, but thinking about that makes him sad.

Hange is asking him for permission to use him in her experiments tomorrow. Eren replies that he has no agency over his body these days, which is true. He feels like the Survey Corps owns him, owns his human and his Titan form. Squad Leader Hange looks to Captain Levi now, seeking permission. When she receives, more like takes, the all clear to use him in her "Titan experiment," Eren makes the mistake of asking her what she means.

All at once, Squad Levi push their chairs out in unison and make a break for the door. Levi is first out, followed by the rest. Their teacups sit abandoned on the table. Maia runs back into the kitchen mumbling about "checking on the cake" and Eren is left alone with Hange, who wears a terrifyingly excited expression on her face. He knows he messed up. She is all but drooling, her eyes wide as saucers behind her glasses.

"I KNEW IT!"

In the morning, Eren will wonder why he ever opened his big mouth.

* * *

Petra creeps back into the kitchen. She tries not to make any noise that will alert Hange that she is there. Hearing more about Titan experiments is very low on her list of things she is willing to put up with at this hour. All she wants is a piece of sweet cake.

She finds Maia sitting on a stool in the kitchen. A sheet of cake rests on the wooden table in front of her. Pieces are missing and a collection of washed teacups have been set out to dry. The golden haired woman has a large piece of baked confection on a plate, piled high with the blackberries she picked earlier. When Petra enters, Maia swings her head around at the noise, eyes wide.

"Oh, Petra! _Whew!_ I thought you were Hange. Gods know I love that woman but…"

"I understand," Petra looks at her with a knowing expression, "Titan talk doesn't pair well with cake."

"It really doesn't."

Maia proceeds to cut and hand over to her a generous slice, and with a sly smile she slides the bowl of blackberries over to her late night companion as well.

"Don't forget these. I'm afraid Oluo will sneak back down here and eat them all before the sun comes up."

Petra laughs at this, knowing it to be more than probable, and the two sit in amiable silence for a while, eating their small reminder that sweet moments do indeed still exist in this world. Maia finishes the last few crumbs of her cake before she speaks again.

"He has headaches," she quietly begins, "just like me."

"Who? Eren?"

Maia nods, "It's strange," she picks up a blackberry with her fingers and examines the fruit almost absentmindedly, "but I think they're connected to his Titan ability. Somehow."

"And what about your headaches?" Petra winces as her fork makes a screeching sound against the porcelain of her plate.

"I don't know," Maia shrugs, dejected. "But Eren...he opens up new possibilities. I don't know what those possibilities are, but...it gets me thinking."

"Have you told Hange any of this?"

Maia turns to Petra, who has always been a friend to her, a confidant, and a good comrade. She always looked up to Petra, who had been the first female chosen for an elite squad. While the woman was a few years younger than them, Maia and Hange found themselves very often in a sort of trio that moved together around the facility and training fields once Petra officially joined the Scouts after her training years had been completed. Even before being chosen for Levi's Special Operations Squad, Petra had been part of their group from the start of her time in the regiment. At the Survey Corps' main headquarters, Petra had been Maia's bunkmate since Hange had taken to sleeping in her _very_ cluttered office instead of in the barracks. Many late night, whispered conversations had been exchanged between the two women.

"Not yet," she shakes her head, "I wanted to hear your thoughts first."

Petra smiles, truly touched, and allows Maia to continue.

"What if these headaches mean something? What if they're not just something hereditary like my father led me to believe?"

Petra knew the woman suffered from bouts of terrible, painful headaches. It was one of the first things Maia had confided in her about during those quiet discussions in their bunks. The headaches happened quickly, over in just a few moments, but Petra can still vividly recall the many times she had seen Maia swaying on the spot, gripping her head and hissing, clearly in pain. Apparently these episodes had been happening to the golden haired woman for as long as she could remember.

"Are you saying your father lied to you?" Petra's eyes widen. Maia's father was her hero, her favorite person on Paradis. She idolized that man and spoke of him often.

Maia sighs and pushes her plate around on the countertop distractedly. She brings her forefinger and thumb from her other hand up to rub the corners of her eyes near the bridge of her nose. "Maybe he didn't know either. _Ugh_, I don't know. This has really given me a lot to think about. But Eren is already being put through so much. I can't ask him to help me with this just yet, right?"

"Well," Petra takes both her and Maia's empty plates over to the sink, "some rest might do you some good. No use bringing on another headache tonight by thinking too hard on it. Anyway, Eren is definitely going to be occupied for the rest of the night. Poor kid. But maybe we can talk to Hange tomorrow about this. Or Captain Levi."

"No," Maia shoots her head up, "not Levi. Not yet."

Petra stops, the plates still in her hands which hover over the sink basin, "Why not?"

If there is one person that Maia trusts more than anyone else, it's Levi. Why wouldn't she want him to know? He practically knows everything there is to know about her. Or at least, that's what Petra always thought. She would never understand those two. No matter what her feelings for the captain are, she knows they can't possibly hold a candle to what Levi and Maia feel for each other, as pigheaded and oblivious as those two act. So, why keep this from him? Of all things?

"He has enough to worry about," Maia explains and clarifies, "with Eren. With the government breathing down our necks about the trial decision. Erwin is keeping a close watch on all of us and Levi feels responsible for the success of this mission. I can't have him worrying about me and my stupid headaches now too. Because you know he will."

Petra understands, she really does, but she also wishes she could smack both of them upside their heads.

"Dark and light," she mumbles to herself as she places the plates in the sink.

"Hmm?"

"Oh," Petra wipes her hands dry with a rag, "dark and _late_. The hour, I mean. A dangerous combination. We should get some rest. I won't tell Captain Levi. But, maybe, at some point...you should consider telling him yourself. He," Petra swallows, "cares about you, you know."

Maia can tell how hard it is for Petra to be having this conversation. She feels a deep sadness in the pit of her stomach. Nothing is going their way right now. Everything is a mess and her friend, whose friendship she values infinitely, who wears her feelings on her sleeve, is trying to comfort _her_ over the very thing that is making her heart break. It isn't fair. None of this is.

A sad smile comes to her lips and she looks down at her hands cradled in her lap. "Dark and light," she repeats quietly and Petra's eyes widen. She was unaware Maia had heard. Did she hear their conversation from earlier too?

Petra decides to take a chance, "Do you...do you know the thing about dark and light?"

Maia looks over to her, eyes warm and caring and full of understanding. She shakes her head, "What thing?"

She could handle this. Handle her heart breaking over this. She is Petra Ral, for goodness sake. The first woman ever chosen for an elite squad. Her hands had slayed _Titans_ out in the wilds! Surely they could put her own heart back together, especially because all of this was for her friend's sake, one of the dearest friends she has ever had. Who was she to deny her friend support? Friendship? Sisterly love?

Yes, she _could _do this even if it hurt like hell because it was _clear as day_ that the captain did not have eyes for her. And how could she fault Maia for that? How could she fault _anyone_? She could stare and pine and dream all she wanted, but it wouldn't change anything. Petra knows this. She is no fool. A strong, capable, mature woman, yes. A fool? Absolutely not. Captain Levi would never belong to her, would never be hers. Even if his stubborn ass hasn't realized it yet, he already belongs to someone else, has given his heart over to another.

"Dark and light," Petra explains, "the very idea of one can't even exist without the existence of other. They...they need each other to...to exist."

Petra leans forward, ignores the moisture gathering in her eyes, pretends she doesn't see the same glistening sheen on Maia's, and grasps her friend's hand gently in her own.

"You should tell the captain someday soon, Maia. About the headaches. And about..." Petra trails off, imploring Maia with her eyes to just _understand _what she means. For the love of Paradis just _understand_ what she means! Petra squeezes her hand, "I...I just want you to be happy, Mai."

_I just want you _both _to be happy._

Maia cannot find the strength to dislodge the lump in her throat in order to reply to the woman sitting so strong, so firm and unyielding, across from her. She shakes her head a few times, tries to make sense of how she could have possibly gotten so lucky in having a friend like Petra. Finally, she decides on squeezing the younger woman's hand tighter and giving her a few nods followed by a watery smile. She cannot not do what her friend wants, not right now at least, because the very thought of it terrifies her and makes her chest hurt. From the look on Petra's face, she gets that.

Both of them laugh; sounds that are a mixture of equal parts sadness and happiness come from each.

Afterwards, with their hands still clasped together, the two women sit in silence for a long while and they both think of the same thing.

_Dark and light._

* * *

A/N: Wow, I am so happy to see the favorites, follows, and reviews! Thank you all so much! Those really do mean the absolute world to me. Truly. Thank you a million times over. Please continue to tell me what you think - I love the feedback! Review and/or PM me any time :)

This chapter is just...I love Squad Levi so much. I love funny Oluo and clueless Levi and boisterous Hange and even lil' baby Eren being so scared to let everyone down even though he has the whole world on his shoulders and sometimes also a huge boulder and, ugh, you poor thing, Eren.

I love Petra the most in this, though. She deserved so much more time in the manga and in life. She is great - I love her to pieces - and often when I read about her as a sort of antagonist in a Levi/OC story I am just so immediately not into that. She's such a gentle soul but in combat she _gets. shit. done. _She's the ultimate boss gal and I am HERE for it. So I just always find it hard to believe that she wouldn't use logic and kind of concede to the fact that Levi may want to be with someone else? Like...the woman has more important things to do than sabotage someone else's happiness? Making her an enemy just seems so against the strong female personas that SnK portrays. I don't know, maybe I'm making no sense at all. I just can't see Petra becoming a vindictive bitch, okay? She is a total gem. And Maia needs gems. Petra is fabulous and I will hear nothing else about it! (:P)

I'm sorry that at this point in our story here Levi and Maia still have exactly zero parts of their act together. Love a good angsty romance...to a point. More action will happen soon. There _are_ Titans out there, you know, and that inevitable, awful, terrible, Female Titan forest massacre moment. Well, we'll see how I write that because...y'all I am dreading it. I'm almost there in what I have written so far and...ugh...Squad Levi deserved so much better. Goddamnit, Annie.

Anyway, thank you for reading (especially my Author's Notes, lol), for following along with Levi and Maia and even Eren (who I can now admit, I _care about_! We are growing as a person, y'all!) as they take the lead on steering our story focus. There are exciting things to come and I can't wait for you all to join me on this journey!

Until next time! xx


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, either the manga or the anime. All content taken from either source is not mine. All original content does, however, belong to me.**

Some character heights, before we begin, if you're interested:

Levi is apparently 5'3" and the only male shorter than him is Connie at 5'2". Krista is a teeny tiny lil gal at 4'9" but she and Connie are both not in this story just yet. I'm putting Maia at around 4'11"/5'0". Again, just like the ages, it's not really a big deal. I wanted to add this anyway in case any of you needed exact measurements for your imagination process. All that really matters is that Maia is a small little pixie gal and is shorter than Levi, yeah? Yeah.

Thank you for the support! Enjoy chapter six :)

* * *

Chapter Six: Furlan

_A few years prior, the year 844_…

"I promise he will not attack you."

Furlan is looking at the horse with skeptical eyes. He doesn't believe Maia. Why should he? She grew up on the surface. Why would he have any reason to think she is different from the rest? Why would he believe her when she says that she only wants to help him? With her stupidly bright amber eyes and her annoyingly warm smile. Furlan only has one goal in mind: get those papers and then get the fuck out of here.

He doesn't have time to make nice with the pretty veterinarian. Even if she is _really_ pretty.

"Look," Maia sighs as she looks up into Furlan's light grey eyes, "You can either learn how to ride a horse or go out on foot during the next expedition. How far do you think you will get before a Titan grabs you? Furlan, I only want what's best for you."

His eyes narrow, "_Why_?"

"Why?" Maia asks in disbelief. Is he really asking her _why_ she cares about his well being? Here? In this beautiful, lush, green pasture? During the first _ten minutes_ of knowing each other formally? Her jaw hangs open. What did the Underground _do_ to people?

"You don't trust me? You don't trust _us_ to look out for you? To help you and guide you? Look, Furlan, Squad Leader Erwin would _not_ have recruited you if he didn't have faith in you and I happen to trust Erwin _implicitly_, so therefore _I_ have faith in _you_ and just want to see you come back from the expedition in one piece." She holds her hands up as if calming a caged animal. "I don't know what's happened to you before coming to the corps, but all I'm here to do is teach you how to ride Hasselfir, that's it."

The beautiful chocolate colored stallion gives a snort at the mention of his name. The animal lightly nudges Maia on the top of her head with his snout.

His eyes are still narrowed, but Furlan thinks this woman is being genuine with him as she stares into his eyes with such determination and care that he has to look away. He has a knack for these things. It was how he knew that Levi could take on all those thugs he threw at him way back when in that dirty Underground tavern. It was how he knew that even though she was annoyingly bright and bubbly, Isabel would make a great addition to their duo with her skill and dedication. He supposes that maybe this impossibly beautiful woman really _is_ just trying to teach him how to ride a horse and won't stab him in the back the second he lets his guard down. He's seen it literally happen before, down _there_, and it has been something he has worried about ever since.

Being an Underground street thug was not a glamorous life, nor a particularly profitable one, and it made you wary of people and places and things you weren't familiar with. But through it, through that squalid cesspool and all the horrors it brought along, he found two kindred spirits with whom he could weather the shitstorm that was the Underground City. He had no other choice after his family disowned him. Too many mouths to feed, his father had said, and Furlan happened to be the oldest. He could "tough it out on his own" according to his father.

He had been nine.

A delinquent in the streets ever since, Furlan had run with many gangs and crews in the filthy back alleys and abandoned buildings. He survived how he could, _any way_ he could. When he heard rumors of Levi and his insane strength, he had to check it out for himself. If the stories _were_ true, if this Levi guy _was_ what everyone said, then his dream of clawing up from the pits of darkness could actually become a reality. He was certain that with Levi on his side they could bust out of this rut they'd been unfairly stuck in.

And then Squad Leader Erwin and his fucking _eyebrows_ and _bravado_ had come _literally_ flying in to throw that entire plan to shit. But Furlan is resourceful, has always been that way, and he is able to think on his feet, keep a level head and assess the situation with all of its possibilities. There _was_ a way out of this forced servitude to a government that had only pissed on them for their entire life. He, Isabel, and Levi _would_ get out of this tangled mess they are currently in, even if it kills him.

He supposes, then, that riding a horse _might_ be useful.

"It's hard to trust people sometimes," Furlan relents and sighs. It's not divulging anything personal since Maia can clearly guess this for herself. She isn't stupid.

"I'm choosing to trust you," Maia's voice is soft and kind, and Furlan wonders how she could use that tone when speaking with him, a criminal. "There are _Titans _out there. And they won't hesitate to try to eat you. We work together so that won't happen. So, could you please _try_ to trust me?"

How she can so casually bring up being devoured by a gigantic humanoid monster is beyond him. Furlan purses his lips but nods nonetheless, "Sure, I'll _try_."

"Good," she smiles and it lights up her face. "Now, let's get you on Hasselfir before he runs off without us. He's antsy and wants to go for a ride."

Maia shows him the ropes, literally and figuratively, and soon has him trotting around the large enclosure. It was a little awkward at first and he nearly slipped off the saddle twice, but he eventually got the hang of it and found it to not be so bad. He admits to himself that the feeling of riding a horse, such a powerful animal, is liberating. This strong, stalwart companion will carry him anywhere he chooses (as long as Maia agrees, he's sure) and for once in his life Furlan feels...safe. Or at least what he imagines it is like. Atop this horse, Hasselfir, who is thick and proud and tall, Furlan feels the wind in his icy blond hair, the vibrant smells of the surface world attacking his senses. He feels free.

In all his years on this crumbling earth, he has never once felt free.

After a long session of galloping and switching gaits and steering this way and that, Furlan pulls Hasselfir up to Maia. She is leaning against the post of the water trough area, smiling at him. The breeze blows her aureate hair over her shoulders. The veterinarian has chosen to wear her hair down today, and the wind pulls some strands gently across her face. She brings a hand up to clear her vision and sees Furlan stopped just in front of her.

"Thank you," his voice is gentle, which surprises her, "for this."

"Anytime, Furlan," she pats Hasselfir's neck down. The animal is panting slightly from exertion but there is happiness in his big brown eyes. He had a good time with Furlan, and that is all Maia can ask for. "It's my pleasure."

The ex-thug jumps down from the saddle. "You know," he says to her as Hasselfir loyally follows her without needing to be led by his reins, "you're not so bad."

Maia lets out a puff of air and contorts her face into a mock surprised look, "_Wow_, 'not so bad'? That's pretty high praise coming from you. Should I alert the press in Sina that I've just done the impossible?"

Furlan rolls his eyes and gently shoves her. He doesn't know what came over him, why he thought it would be okay to touch her like that, but she doesn't recoil, only laughs and continues to stable Hasselfir. She is smiling again (seems to be her default appearance) and looking over to him like they are chums who go way back. It's strange, this feeling of freedom and safety that comes in her presence and in the vicinity of these tamed beasts. Isabel had informed him that Maia had a way of befriending you, getting under your skin and weaseling her way in. Furlan had thought it was just Isabel's bubbly personality and excitement over the horses that made her say such a thing as that. Now, however, he knows the truth.

There are a lot of shitty people in the world, but Maia Beckett doesn't appear to be one of them.

It's a shame, really, that he has to betray her to get those documents from Erwin. To leave the Scouts and never come back, never _look_ back, so that the three of them can finally live free on the surface. Maybe she'll be forgiving, though, he thinks, hopes. He senses that about her: it's in her nature to forgive and to understand. Maybe it will all be fine. Maybe she'll even help them.

After all, she _did_ say she only wanted what is best for them.

Furlan follows Maia out of the pasture and towards the mess hall. It is time for afternoon meal and he has _a lot_ to talk about with his friends.

* * *

Furlan, Isabel, and Levi are standing around waiting for their names to be called for ODM gear practice. It has been a few days since they arrived here at the compound. The three had made it a point to not make any friends. In fact, they steered clear of nearly everyone they passed, choosing instead to stick together as much as they could.

Isabel would not stop talking about riding that fucking horse though.

Levi rolls his eyes. The girl is practically tripping over her words in her excitement to tell them about her most recent session with Breya.

"You guys shoulda seen me! I flipped up and spun _three times_ before landin' back on her! It was amazin'! Hey! Maia!" She waves her hand obnoxiously over her head to catch the small woman's attention. She is walking with that one soldier Castor, who is built like a brick shithouse, and another of her (their?) squadmates Sairam. "Wasn't it really frickin' cool? What I did earlier? Huh, huh? Wasn't it?" She is bouncing off her damned feet at this point and Levi feels a pounding ache starting to creep up at the base of his head.

Now the petite woman is walking over to them and Levi wants to scowl harder but it's starting to actually hurt his face. For fucks sake, Isabel could alert every Titan within a two hundred mile radius with just her ear splitting voice if they had been outside the Walls. Instead, the tiniest woman he has ever seen is making her way over to them. She is smiling at them, at all three of them, her face lit up like the sun, and Levi can feel something odd stirring inside of him.

_What the fuck is that feeling?_

Was he going to throw up? Maybe. That could be the feeling he is experiencing. The warmth and glow that this woman radiates is nauseating. She is a walking beacon of happiness and light. Who the hell is even _like_ that on a daily basis? It's just not right. There's a reason why he has started to leave the room whenever she enters.

He has just about had it with these Survey Corps cronies and their overly kind demeanors. There has to be some ulterior motive. There is just no way so many people would be _willing_ to work with them. Hell, Squad Leader Flagon expresses pretty damn openly how much he hates their guts and wishes they would be arrested so that they can rot in cells. Befriending and working with the criminals is obviously not high on his priority list. So why are Erwin with his bushy-ass eyebrows and that hound dog Mike and the woman with those shitty glasses Hange and even this annoyingly attractive horse lover Maia _trying to be nice_?

"_Tch_." Levi makes an unimpressed scoff when Maia finally reaches them. He takes the time to survey her up close while Isabel prattles on and on about how _awesome_ she looked doing a front flip onto Breya and not breaking her goddamn neck.

Isabel and Furlan were right: she is really short. All his life Levi has been teased for his height. Even fucking Kenny had always called him _runt_ when he was still around. Like Levi gave a shit, though. His height often made people underestimate him. It worked to his advantage, honestly. But this woman, she probably only reached under his chin. He never saw the sunlight when he was growing up, had to rely on pillaged food and basically garbage for nutrients for most of his formative years. What was her excuse?

Her eyes are one of her most striking features. Even he can appreciate that. Wide and expressive, they are the color of warm honey and Levi finds himself too uncomfortable to stare at them when she looks over. The depths of them seem endless, swirling with amber and the warm colors of fire. They complement her tanned skin well. He guesses that her profession working with animals out in the stable and pasture has colored her skin with that bronzed glow.

Her hair is something else. People in the Underground rarely achieved such a brilliant glowing color. The deepest gold he has ever seen, almost too bright and shining for someone to look at who has had to live with the muted and dark colors of the Underground for so long. He nearly winces when his eyes flicker to the gleaming locks. She has them braided into a simple, long plait pulled over her right side.

He has yet to start his riding lessons with her. Levi dreads tomorrow when he is one on one with her. Furlan asked him to play nice, but _nice_ isn't really in his vocabulary when it comes to strangers. His two closest allies have somehow formed some sort of truce with the woman, but he isn't so sure he can.

The last time he trusted someone to help him…

Well, he doesn't need to think about that right now. It'll only piss him off more. He carefully arranges his features and steels up his gaze so Maia doesn't get the insane notion that he's on board with whatever friendship bullshit she has it in her mind to form. She raises a full, arched eyebrow at him when she notices him looking at her again. Isabel has since stopped gushing about her day on her horse.

"Levi," she nods politely and he wants to lunge at her. How dare she be so nice when they're actively trying to betray everyone in this suicide squad. "I'm looking forward to our lesson tomorrow."

"_Hmph,_" he crosses his arms, "don't get too excited."

Her face is calm as she approaches him and every instinct in him tells him to run. His legs tense, ready and coiled to spring himself right the hell out of the way, but something, some unknown, unused part of him, stops him. She is a foot away from him, enough room for him to still hightail it out of there, but he cannot move. Her head cocks to the side. Her braid goes tumbling off her shoulder and down her back; it swings lazily across her backside. A small hand, so damn small that he wonders how she can even handle those bigass horses, crowned with slender fingers and a single, plain gold band on her pointer finger, comes up to his chest.

She grabs at his ODM gear strap over the right side of his breastbone. He finds himself lowering his arms and he mentally curses his body for acting this way. Her eyes slide down to the durable leather, and she uses her hand to tug lightly at the material. She checks the other side in the same way. Levi watches her carefully, his fists clenched at his sides. Finally, she slides her index and middle finger to the middle, giving the strap a good pull. Levi finds himself lurching forward, his face closer to hers than he would like. From this distance, he can see the different flecks of color in her eyes. She smiles at him. It's not a smirk, no, it's just that normal, warm smile that she seems to give everybody. He doesn't understand why she would want to give it to _him_.

"I said I was looking forward to it," she releases the strap and allows him to take a generous step away from her, "not that I was excited."

She turns to saunter (_saunter! The audacity!)_ away but throws over her shoulder at him, "Your back harness needs to be adjusted. You favor your right side too much. You'll be off balance."

He watches her go and feels that same feeling rising higher inside of him.

_What in the actual fuck _was _this feeling?_

"Levi," Isabel giggles, full-on _giggles_, behind her hand. He turns to her to ask what's so funny and sees Furlan with a small grin on his face as well.

"She just treated you like one of her horses."

Levi grumbles to himself and crosses his arms.

If Maia didn't have such a pleasant face, he would have liked to smack her.

* * *

A/N: I thought Furlan deserved some backstory even though his character is hard to pin down. from the No Regrets manga it's difficult to tell his default mood. He's the one, after all, who most vocally agrees with the plan to just straight up murder Erwin after the trio gets the contract for the documents. But he's also sweet? But also a crime lord? Who sends thugs to test Levi's strength? I don't know friends, the characters in SnK are so complex and I am just _here for it_.

Some younger Levi and Maia interaction in this one, where Levi's POV is filled with foul language because he's just a lil baby Underworld criminal who hasn't had his edges softened just yet. He's not the nicest, what can I say? Give him time.

Also, a side note for the end scene: Maia deals with harnesses and weight distribution and maneuvering _all day_ and in different ways. I'm not trying to portray Levi as an idiot who wouldn't notice something off with his gear, having Maia come barreling in like an all knowing goddess or something like that, but I'm just simply allowing Maia some time to do her thing and also annoy Levi while she helps him out. Love that. _Presh_.

Please let me know how you feel in the reviews! I toyed with dropping the rating down to T in case that made this story more viewable but...the themes and language and situations are just...they're M, y'all, straight up M. Especially later chapters [ moments of ;)...but also moments of :( ]. So even if this story isn't viewed by as many people, I can write it how I want and not worry about getting into trouble. Thanks for sticking with me! I appreciate all of you.

Until next time! xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK either the manga or the anime. I also do not own the events in the No Regrets storyline either. Anything original is my own.**

* * *

Chapter Seven: Even if it breaks your heart

_Present day…_

She is inconsolable. Her hands grip at the dusty ground below. Dirt crusts under her nails. Sobbing, wailing, shrieking out into the aether, she struggles in Maia's arms but only because she wants to flail her own, not because she wishes to escape.

"_Sssh_," Maia tries to soothe her, calm her friend so that she isn't so loud, so hysterical, but it is working very little. She can barely contain the wriggling mass of shrieks and wild, untamed brown hair in her arms "We'll find out who did this. Erwin will make sure of it."

"SONNY!" Hange yells up to the sky, glasses askew on her face. "BEEEEEAN!"

Maia locks eyes with Levi who is standing next to Eren and Erwin, their hoods up, and gives him a helpless look. He merely shrugs and stares at the moaning squad leader who is, for all intents and purposes, a sniveling mess on the ground. Hange is crying near the two steaming and decaying Titan bodies; all that is left of them at this point is their bones, and even those are rapidly becoming desiccated by the heat of the sun. While it is beyond Maia's comprehension why Hange can adore her Titan test subjects so much, she never likes to see her friends in distress, especially one of her oldest and dearest ones.

"Oh, Hange," she breathes out softly, pats her back lightly, "do you want me to leave you with them? To...say goodbye? I can bring you some tea, if you'd like. Tea always helps me when I'm sad."

"I'm not sad," Hange sobs into Maia's shirtsleeve once and then pulls her face out in a burst of rage, "I'M FURIOUS! _WHO DID THIS_?!"

"Hey, shitty glasses," Levi's voice sounds behind them, rough and biting, almost a hiss as he tries to keep relatively quiet, "you're making a scene and you look like a fucking fool. Pull it together and come with us. Stop sobbing over those filthy Titans. Grab all the evidence you can and come with us."

"_Um_, Squad Leader Hange?" It's Moblit, Hange's assistant. He approaches them cautiously from their left. "I already managed to take as many samples as I could of what was left while you were, _um_, preoccupied."

"You mean sobbing her brains out?" Levi deadpans and Maia reaches out to swat at his cloaked leg. With Maia's hand removed briefly, Hange almost manages to claw her way out of Maia's tight embrace so she can presumably crawl towards the remains of Sonny and Bean. Quick reflexes allow Maia to surge forward and reclaim her friend's limbs, pull her back into her chest. Hange wails again and Maia shoots another disapproving look towards Levi. The captain looks unaffected.

"Uh, well, _ah_, yes, I suppose that is...what she was doing, yes," Moblit, poor Moblit, stutters out. Maia gives him a sympathetic look. Dealing with Hange's overactive emotions is certainly never easy.

"F-fine," Hange attempts to stand up, wobbles, and eventually uses Maia for support, though the sloppy bun wearing scientist towers over her friend. "I'll g-go. But, m-mark my words. I w-will find out w-who did this! And they'll p-pay! OH SONNY! BEAN! MAMA'S SORRY!"

"Oh, _yikes_," Moblit mumbles, "she's about to have a conniption."

"_Now_ is when the breakdown starts?" Levi's face is impassive. He is unimpressed. "_Tch._ Let's go. People are staring and we have Eren with us."

Levi walks over to Hange's other side and assists Maia in carrying their half incapacitated comrade into the nearby Garrison barracks reclaimed after Trost's wall was sealed. He slips underneath one shoulder and helps to guide her away from the gathering crowd of cadets and officers alike.

"I can do it by myself, you know," Maia whispers over to him. She can not see him, but she knows he's smirking.

"Of course you can," he huffs, "but that doesn't mean you have to."

She tries not to let the blush take over her entire face. She's thankful Hange's half-alert form obscures Levi's view of her.

"Plus she's basically dead weight right now with how much she's carrying on. It'll be faster with two of us."

"What would I do without you, Levi?"

He knows it's a loaded question, clearly asking about more than just this situation. She's teasing him but voicing an honest concern at the same time. Because he knows what the answer would be if _he_ asked it the other way around. He knows how he would be without her.

And he can't bring himself to entertain that notion.

So he sticks to being a smartass.

"I can drop her so you can find out."

He hears her laugh, and it is beautiful. "Please don't. We're almost there."

They make it to a meeting room and deposit Hange into the nearest chair. She slumps over and lays her head down on the table, silently sniffling into the wood. Moblit comes in after them, carrying a huge bundle of supplies and test kits in his arms. Maia wants to reach out to help but is afraid that if she pulls something out of the pile the entire mountain will come tumbling down. Eren follows them in with Commander Erwin and the young Titan-shifter looks like he's seen a ghost. His eyes are wide and he is clearly thinking about something troubling. Maia glances over at Levi, but he is avoiding her gaze. What does he know?

"Hange?" She gently shakes her friend on the shoulder. "Moblit is here. He has the samples and evidence. You should help him catalog and process it. I'm going to go make you some tea."

On her way out she grabs Levi by the elbow and all but drags him with her. He tries to ignore the warmth that shoots up his arm at her touch. At the earliest possible moment he pulls himself away from her. He can't risk latching on to her and never letting her go. They walk down the hall side by side.

"What was that for?"

Maia looks at him through her peripheral vision, her hands clasped behind her back so she isn't tempted to reach out and touch his elbow again. "Don't give me that, Lee. What happened with Erwin and Eren? I was hyper-focused on Hange for _two seconds_ and now Eren looks like someone pulled the rug out from under him."

Levi sighs, his shoulders drooping only slightly before straightening out again. "Not here."

The pair hurry as inconspicuous as possible to the kitchen where they find two soldiers fighting over a ration of smoked meat.

"You two," Levi growls out, "_scram_."

The two fall all over each other trying to leave first, abandoning the meat on the counter. One smacks into the doorjamb in his haste to leave the room. The other doubles back, grabs the dried food, looks at Levi, squeaks out an apology or a plea to not punch him, and hurries out, bumping into a table and a counter along the way. Maia can barely contain a laugh behind her hand.

"Wow, Lee," she bursts into a fit of light laughter after the door shuts, "you really have a way with people, don't you?"

He tries to ignore the way her laughter sounds, how it makes him feel. Lighter. Happier. Content. Ever since Hange woke the entire goddamn castle up with her hysterical screaming, he had been on edge. The ride to Trost had been hurried and the entire day so far had been full of new problems. But now, as Levi looks over at her, giggles rolling out of her, face flushed a warm pink, golden hair slipping over her shoulders, he thinks he has never seen anything more beautiful. The sight calms him, warms him, soothes his weary soul. Even in this piss-poor lighting, surrounded by dirty dishes that some shitty garrison soldier forgot to clean, he thinks she is breathtaking.

How can someone light up a room like she does?

For a moment he is mesmerized by her. He takes the few, fleeting seconds to drink her in, commit this to memory. When would he see her laugh next? He could never be sure. Better to memorize every single inch of her in this state while he can. Because next month they go outside the Walls again. Because next month she might…

Levi sobers faster than ever. He clears his throat.

"That's rich coming from someone who prefers the company of horses."

She is still smiling as she hops up on the butcher block counter behind her. "You know you're welcome to join me out there whenever you want."

"_Pfft_," he scoffs, "and be around all of that horse shit? I'll pass."

Her mirth is subdued now, but he can see it still bubbling under the surface. He has to look away, somewhere else besides her warm, amber eyes and her teeth sinking into her bottom lip. She cocks her head to the side, hair the color of sunbeams tumbling over one shoulder. Her legs swing lazily below her.

"Levi," her voice is a whisper, and she uses his full name. Suddenly, the air in the room turns serious. "What happened back there? Why was Eren so shaken?"

He chooses to lean against a bare wall near her. When he answers, he stares at the ground, arms crossed, "Those Titans, the test subjects… Erwin thinks they were killed by someone wearing vertical maneuvering gear."

Immediately Maia's legs stop moving. She sits there, still as a windless day, and stares at Levi with those damned amber eyes. He has to look at them now. When he does, his insides flood with heat. His face does not betray the roiling pit of emotions swirling inside of him.

"Erwin thinks a scout killed Sonny and Bean?"

He nods.

"But," Maia's eyebrows scrunch together and a slew of questions spill out of her, "why would someone do that? What is the advantage to killing a captured Titan? To stop Hange's research? We had _actual Titans _to study! How does it make sense to kill them?"

Levi shrugs and adjusts his arms over his chest. Maia watches the fabric of his shirt stretch around his muscles. She forces herself to look away. "Who knows? There's some weird shit going on around here and it's unsettled Erwin. Everyone has to have their ODM gear checked starting this afternoon."

"And he told you _all _of this in the _two seconds_ I wasn't paying attention to you?"

Levi smirks, "You were helping Hange out of her stupor for longer than two seconds. And if you must know, Eren looks like he's about to shit his pants because _eyebrows_ asked him if he suspects anyone in particular for slaughtering those Titans."

"W-what?" Maia jumps down from the counter and throws her arms out, "Why would _Eren_ have _any_ clue as to who did this?"

Levi shrugs again, almost touched by how much Maia seems to care for the boy, "The kids knows the cadets better than we do."

"So now it's one of the _cadets_? Holy _mother_," Maia brings a hand to her forehead and slumps back against the counter. After a moment her eyes widen and she turns to him with a gasp, "Levi, what if...what if someone out there _knows_ why the Titans are here?"

Levi swallows. He had thought of that when Erwin voiced his suspicions. Could that really be possible though? Could there be someone out there, among them, _part of them_, who knows the secret behind why the Titans appeared? Why they _keep_ appearing? It all made his head spin, the idea that someone, maybe _multiple _someones, knew about the world beyond the Walls.

It made the fire in Erwin's belly even hotter, he knew, but all it did for him was give him an even heavier weight in his. People keep dying, _his_ people keep dying. And one day _she_ could...what if...

"Could be," he nods over at her, "which is scary as shit. If they know that, what else do they know? And how can they use it against us?"

Maia taps her lips with her pointer finger, deep in thought. "The world beyond the Walls," she echoes Levi's thoughts perfectly, "might be full of _people_! Levi…" she lets out a sigh that is full of wonder, like a daydreaming child, "we might not be the only ones left."

He doesn't like how that makes him feel. Other people outside of Paradis? People _inside_ the Walls could be terrible, ugly, and awful. He has no illusions that those outside, if there were even any to begin with, would be any better than those he'd been dealing with all his life. As if the threats they face now weren't bad enough, there might be _more_ to add on that list. More things that could threaten everything Levi cared about.

Every_one_.

His squad.

Erwin. Hange.

Hell, even Eren goddamn Jaeger could be put on that list. Tentatively.

And, of course, _her_.

His gaze roves up and down Maia's form, takes her in, leaning against the counter, though he doesn't need to. She is so precious to him, the most important person in his life, though he can't bring hismelf to tell her so, and he cannot bear the idea of someone unknown - not a stupid, ugly Titan or a dirty, scumbag human from Paradis, but someone from a world he doesn't even know - hurting the single most special person to Levi. No. He would not stand for that. If someone in their ranks really _did_ know about why the Titans came here, whether created or grown or sent by a malevolent god of _whatever the fuck_, he would find them. And he would make them tell him _everything_. And then after that...if they admit to wanting to hurt them, to hurt _her_ with those Titans, well…

Then he would kill them. Slowly. Torturously.

"You look like you're trying to blow a hole through that wall with your mind."

Maia is looking at him with those soft eyes that fill him with warmth, concern written on her face, that face that is as bright as the sun. Levi shakes his head, giving her a humorless smile. He wishes he could do more to reassure her that he is fine, but he knows she would see right through that anyway.

"Anyone who is on the side of the _Titans_ can't be good for us, Maia. What if there are more of them? _A lot of them_? What if they come here? Attack us? Then what? We'd be completely fucked, Maia, especially after Trost. Erwin has a hard enough time as it is keeping the soldiers we _do_ have here. And to top it all off, tomorrow is the recruit ceremony."

Maia sighs, her hands wringing themselves together in front of her. She looks effectively chastised even though he didn't mean to come off that way. He knows he just shot down any hope she had of there being _good_ people out there. Levi is a cynical person by his very nature, and he often forgets in the heat of things that Maia is a perpetual optimist, despite all of the shit she has been through. His little beacon of light. It pains him to have to dampen it.

Her hands come up to cover her face and she groans, "Well, then, this is all just...terrible, isn't it?"

Levi shifts his weight, stoops his posture so he can be level with her downcast and covered eyes, "We've certainly been through worse, though."

Her amber eyes peek out from between her splayed fingers. Their eyes lock. She gives him a soft smile, _his_ _own_ _personal _smile, and he feels his stomach doing that god awful somersault again. "We certainly have, haven't we?" She says it with a bittersweet sort of tone.

He wants to reach out, to touch her, and he knows it shows on his face. Comfort. It's what they both need, what they both _want _right now.

Tomorrow is when the Survey Corps will find out if they've been screwed over again or not with recruit numbers. The fewer recruits, the less likely that any of their future missions will even be able to function properly. And gods _forbid _if what Levi and Maia just discussed is actually a very real truth. Erwin's scouting formation relies on numbers and willing soldiers. If they don't get enough...well, then that's it. Erwin is determined but not stupid. He wouldn't risk the remains of the regiment by putting them into such haphazard formations all for the sake of going outside of the Walls. If they can't keep scouting, keep _pushing_ for a way to beat the Titans, then, well, all of their losses, everyone who died…

What good will those deaths have done?

Maia sees his eyebrows draw in, the conflicted expression pass onto his handsome face. He is warring with himself, with the boundaries they have painstakingly and possibly foolishly set. She sighs and gives him a knowing look.

"It's okay, Lee," she says quietly, "it's okay."

He hangs his head, a rare show of outward emotion, and shakes it slightly. How this woman can know exactly what he is thinking, what he is feeling, will never cease to amaze him. Briefly, he wonders if distance is the right course of action. It has been like this for so long. The constant yearning, the constant need. What if he just reached out? What if he just _touched_ her? Isn't having a good thing for an unknown amount of time better than not having it at all?

Then he thinks of _them_. Thinks of _that time_. He closes his eyes. A memory washes over him, disembodied voices and that terrible feeling of dread and despair.

_Pick one._

_There's no time to waver._

"_I'm going alone...you two join up with Flagon...I'll get the documents and then…"_

"_Levi! I'm going too!" Isabel. So persistent. So unyieldingly loyal._

"_Who's more likely to become Titan chow?...If the four of you stay together, it'll raise their chances of survival…"_

"_LEVI! Keep your cool and think! If you wait a little the fog might clear up!...Acting alone is dangerous!" Furlan. Always the strategist. Always thinking ten steps ahead._

"_I heard you already! I can do it by myself! TRUST ME!"_

_His eyes, Furlan's eyes, so betrayed. Turned away from him as the rain drips down his face. "Is that an order, Levi?"_

_A gasp. A gasp from Levi. "An order…? Why does it have to come to that?" The rain is still coming down in buckets. He is soaked to the bone. His cloak sticks to him unpleasantly. "I'm just...the two of you…"_

_Laughter. Laughter as they ride together. They are laughing together. _Those two._ The two of them…With him..._

"_Fine." His mouth is wide in a smile as he laughs, pure and outright and loud. When Furlan laughs, he looks younger, like an adolescent, free of the worries he holds so close to him. "I'll trust you."_

_He turns towards him. Cobalt eyes. A sure smile. Trust, clear as day, painted all over his face. Trust in Levi. _

_She looks at him too. Determination in her features. A face set with loyalty. Always loyal. Loyal to Levi._

"_Make sure you come back, Levi!"_

He shakes his head to clear the images, their faces, but he still sees them. The memory has long since sunk its claws into his mind, burrowing deep, settling into him forever.

_Screaming. So much screaming. _She's_ there. Somewhere. He sees her horse, Iris. But where are…_

"_HURRY!"_

_Furlan...Isabel…_

_It happens so fast. That move...that _stupid_ fucking move she couldn't stop talking about. She's flying. Flying right through the goddamn air towards…_

_I'm going to end up letting everyone die. _

_My choice…_

_...was the wrong one._

"Levi?"

At her voice, he comes back to the present. He is shaking. It's faint, barely noticeable, but of course _she_ sees it. Her eyes soften, realization dawning on her. She gives him a small, sorrowful smile. Not a pity filled smile that's full of sadness for him, like he's some child who needs to be coddled, but a smile that is full of sadness for _them_, their lives, their future. What is and what can never be. Not now. Not after…

"It's okay." She says it again. She knows. She always fucking knows. He hates himself for it a little more.

"No," he shakes his head, finding his voice, though it is low and hoarse now, "it's not."

Maia moves towards the door, taking care to not bump into him in any way. He clenches his jaw, balls his fists. If he could only touch her. If only he could _feel_ her. More than a hand feather-light against her chest. More than a bump in a crowded corridor. If only he could _hold her_. Just this once. Please...why can't he...just this _once_.

His hands stay by his sides and he finds himself hating them too.

"You're right," Maia admits quietly and her voice breaks his heart, "it's not okay."

She turns the doorknob and smiles sadly at his back.

"But it has to be."

Levi is alone in the room now. When the door fully closes he takes no time at all in grabbing the nearest dish and hurling it against the far wall. The ceramic bursts into large chunks which shatter even more when they hit the countertop. He lets out a single cry, a low guttural sound, and kicks at a cabinet. This day has been long already and so full of _shit_. He feels like he can't breathe suddenly. Has to grab at his chest, has to try to pry that awful, sinking feeling out, get it away from his heart. His fingers grip at his shirt, ball around the fabric not giving a single fuck about wrinkles, but the feeling, that heaviness, persists. He can never get it out. It will stay with him always. He knows this.

He grabs another plate.

Outside, Maia can hear him in the kitchen. Her eyes are shut tightly. She squeezes her lids together in an attempt to will herself not to cry. In her chest her breath catches when he cries out from behind the closed door.

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

He would know. He would _know_ she is crying, would sense it, _feel_ it, and he would come out and…

He would want to hold her.

And she would let him.

And that would be the end of that.

_Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

He hates seeing her cry. She knows this. She knows _he knows_ she knows this. But the outcome...what he would want to do...after that energy back in the kitchen? After all this time? So many years...so many _long_ years.

But what he was reliving in there...She knows what it was. She was there. She was...she was_ there._

"_Look for a horse! The survivors should run!_"

"_I'm not leaving you!"_

"_God _damnit_, Beckett, just _listen_ to me for once in your _life!"

"_No, no, no! Not again. This can't be happening _again_!"_

"_Get it together, Beckett, and _find a damn horse! _Now!"_

"_BEHIND YOU!_"

_Blood. So much blood. She's covered in it. And _his _face. Oh gods his face when he saw he wouldn't make it in time. He wouldn't get to them. _

She couldn't risk being the reason that look was back on his face. She couldn't get closer. No matter how badly her heart yearned for it. How badly her body wanted it. Her mind. Her soul. Every part of her itching to touch that palpable energy in the room, to break it open, let it wash over her.

No.

Distance was the best course of action.

Even if it breaks her heart.

Even if it breaks his.

* * *

A/N: I don't know why I make them suffer so much. These poor babies. I have a fair bit of this story written already and, uh, it doesn't stay this angsty the _whole_ time, if any of you were worried. Rest assured. I also know that the sexual tension is already bad but we must remember that Levi and Maia have known each other for eight years at this point and have been _through_ it, y'all. So in these present day chapters there are already a lot of memories and feelings charging their relationship. I worry some might think the tension is too early, but they _do_ have an established history already, which is slowly being revealed in alternating chapters. I hope this is all going alright for everyone! Let me know what you think either in reviews or in PMs. I love hearing from you all!

Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed so far. I am so grateful! You're all wonderful. Thanks for reading Maia and Levi's story. I am enjoying writing this so very much.

Much love to you all! xx


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK either the manga or the anime. I also do not own the events in the No Regrets storyline either. Anything original is my own.**

* * *

Chapter Eight: One of the Good Ones

_A few years prior, the year 844…_

"And I _flew_ through the air even _longer_ than before! You shoulda' been there! _Wow_, you woulda' definitely cheered for me. That Sairam guy is a real pain in the ass. Didn't even crack a smile."

"_Hah_," Maia laughs with Isabel as the woman recounts yesterday's training with animated hand gestures. "Sairam is...very serious. But he's good people, Isabel. Just, _ah_, not very open to humor."

Isabel grumbles something incoherent before grabbing eagerly at Breya's reins. "Well, he sure ruined my mood. Hey, d'ya think I can take Breya to the wooden Titan course one'a these days? I wanna see if I can do that spin move while attacking!"

Maia shrugs and deftly lifts herself up onto her trusty horse Iris, a beautiful tan dappled mare. "I don't see why not. But first, let's practice some of the bigger jumps, okay? Titan Territory is no joke. If Breya bucks or has to gallop on uneven terrain, I want to make sure you can handle it."

"_Bucks?" _Isabel pales slightly. "She would _throw me off_?"

Maia encourages the redhead to lead Breya alongside her and Iris. She shakes her head, "Not on purpose. They aren't malicious by nature. Horses are incredibly loyal, and Breya here has taken a special liking to you. She would do it to try to save you, so she doesn't crush you if she's going to fall."

"_Yikes_." Isabel grips the reins a little tighter and then nods determinedly. "Okay. Let's do this!"

A while later, the two sit underneath a tree together while Breya and Iris lazily graze in the enclosure. Isabel had quickly learned to control Breya during more ambitious jumps and maneuvers, just as Maia had guessed she would. Truly, the girl is an exceptionally fast learner. Maia is continuously impressed by her.

A bird flies overhead and catches Isabel's attention.

"Oh! Look!" She shoots an arm upward to point at the soaring creature. "I wonder if that's the one I saved."

At Maia's questioning look a huge smile plasters itself across Isabel's lips. She tells the veterinarian about the time she found a wounded bird in the Underground. Whenever she speaks she is overly animated, her entire body taking on the storytelling. For someone who grew up below ground, Isabel is extraordinarily lively and bright.

"It had gotten trapped down there somehow. Maybe flew down a grate or somethin'," she shrugs, "but I jus' couldn't let it die!"

So Isabel had clutched the animal to her chest and decided to set it free topside. Just because she herself couldn't be free, she tells Maia, didn't mean a helpless and innocent bird, who already knew what the Sun felt like, couldn't go back to where it belonged.

"Only problem was that those scumbags charge money to go above ground."

Maia starts, her body jerking, and rears her head to look at her companion, "_What_? You have to _pay_ to come up here?"

Isabel nods, "Yeah, and even if ya do have enough money, you can't get very far without papers. You'd be thrown right back down into the dark faster than big bro can swing a blade."

How could anyone _charge_ another human being like that? Charge them for trying to feel warmth? To see the Sun? Feel fresh, moving air? It baffles Maia as she sits there listening with rapt attention to the younger woman weaving her tale of finding a little bird in the dark streets of the Underground City. How much she didn't and still doesn't know about the things those three had to go through down there, what _anyone_ down there _still_ has to go through. How naive was she? Honestly. Maia shakes her head. So many things she takes for granted - clean water, showers, three meals a day, a warm bed - while people literally live _underneath the ground_ in dim, dark, and dank living spaces, if _living_ can even be a term applied in this situation.

"I...I never knew," Maia hangs her head, ashamed.

Isabel allows her eyes to soften slightly. She may not fully trust this woman with impossibly shiny hair and glowing amber eyes, but she can tell Maia is genuine. If there was anyone topside besides the guys with whom Isabel wouldn't mind being stuck, it's Maia. When Isabel reveals pieces of what life was like underground, she is always surprised to see Maia listening carefully, her pretty face devoid of the judgment Isabel so often sees on the faces of others whenever she speaks. She guesses it is because Maia feels a large amount of guilt, though Isabel can't imagine why. It's not like it was her fault they grew up differently.

"It's okay," Isabel shrugs, looks over at Maia slyly but finds the veterinarian looking down at the ground. "We're easy to forget down there."

"Oh!" Maia looks alarmed, snaps her head up, throws her hands out and shakes them furiously. "I didn't mean - I was just -"

Isabel nearly cackles, "Easy, horse lady," her voice is bright and giggly and vibrant, "I'm just teasin' ya! Yer not like the rest of them, ya know?"

"Hmm," Maia hums, calming down. She absentmindedly picks at a few blades of grass by her side. "I don't know about that."

"I do," Isabel nods firmly. "Yer one of the good ones. I can tell. Yer like the Sun itself. Bright as hell and warm. _Anyway,_" she continues on, barely even taking a breath, switching subjects effortlessly, "So I've got the little bird in my arms and I'm basically crushin' the poor thing against my stomach and then I…"

Maia half heartedly listens to her for the next few moments. She is busy replaying what Isabel has just said to her.

_Yer one of the good ones. I can tell._

Isabel, Furlan, and especially Levi get along with exactly _zero_ others in the Scouts. Maia's comrades keep those three at arms length and only interact with them when necessary. Besides Hange, who is afraid of no one, it seems, only when it is completely unavoidable will another corps member even _look_ at them straight in their eyes. Maia, on the other hand, has to be with them during specified training times. She is responsible for overseeing all riding training and advises every recruit on how to care for his or her horse. It's a one on one experience where she can't avoid someone even if she _wanted_ to.

Each squad is assigned either a veterinarian or a scout specifically trained to stable horses or bring extra along with them during scouting expeditions. The corps only has a budget for five equine veterinarians, so training stablehands became a necessity. Usually, these members have their own place in Erwin's formation and memorize their specific squad's location, looking for flares that signal distress. Then, they can fan out to deliver needed supplies, back up, or emergency mounts. There are outings where the equestrian aid stays with their squad, for longer durations outside of the Walls, for example, but in the hierarchy of the Survey Corps, it is not always necessary that they be there.

Maia's position in the regiment, a high ranking veterinarian, second only to a man named Itago who holds the rank of lead animal doctor, places a lot of responsibility on her shoulders. There had been others higher ranked than her before, but supply positions are dangerous, and those above her had unfortunately been killed outside the Walls. The most recent loss was during their last expedition. She tries not to think of her having a high position as being a fluke. She mustn't allow herself to think she isn't qualified. If the recruits aren't trained well enough on horseback…

She shakes her head. There is no use entertaining such a notion. She is confident in her skills, has worked hard to hone her craft for most of her life. The horses trust her implicitly, something a few in the regiment, almost everyone in the lousy Military Police, and even some Garrison members find strange and suspicious. But it has been that way for as long as she can remember, that unwavering loyalty she is somehow able to garner from horses. It's why she tries so hard to pick the perfect horse for each member. A person's mount must be compatible with their own personality. In that same vein, it is important for Maia to get to know her comrades more personally so that she can give them the best possible match. It's like Hange and the medical staff. Maia thinks her job is quite similar in that regard.

She doesn't know if she's _one of the good ones_ as Isabel has just told her, but she likes to think that she has, over the years, developed a habit of looking past a person's reputation and the rumors that surround them. Zoe Hange, for example, was ridiculed during their training years over her passion for and interest in titans. Maia chose to be her bunkmate when they were cadets and soon learned there was more to the soldier than loud, passionate shrieks about Titans and a strange love for science, though there were those things _in abundance_. With Isabel it had been no different. Furlan, even, seems to be slowly coming around to being in Maia's presence. She has no hope of ever becoming friends with the man, but she thinks they are on their way to becoming good acquaintances, at the very least.

"Levi and Furlan saved me that day. Big bro nearly sliced that guy _in half_! It was wild! He didn't have ta do it, ya know, protect me 'n all. He didn't even have ta let me stay with them, but he did. He's great," Isabel sighs with obvious affection for the standoffish former thug, "even if he is kinda strict."

Maia realizes she missed a lot of Isabel's story but she focuses in on one thing in particular. "Big bro? You've said that a few times now. Do you mean...are you referring to _Levi_?"

"Well _duh_," Isabel answers as if it's so totally obvious, "who else would I be talkin' 'bout?"

"Um," Maia pauses and looks around, "literally _anyone _else?"

Isabel laughs and it crinkles her eyes, causes her to throw her head back. She looks so carefree when she laughs, like all of the bad things in her life never happened to her. "Levi is really not so bad once you get used to him. Hey! It's kinda funny," she starts laughing again, "you two are complete opposites. He's dark and cold and you're bright and warm! Huh," she crosses her arms and takes on a pensive expression, like this is something worth pondering over, "well would'ya look at that?"

Maia simply shakes her head at the girl's antics.

_Yer like the Sun itself. Bright as hell and warm._

Such a compliment coming from someone who has only just recently found out what the Sun is like.

"What are you two idiots talking about?"

Maia's heart nearly bursts out of her chest in surprise. She hadn't even heard him walking up! Her hand comes up automatically to the base of her throat, feeling around for her pulse.

_Gods, he's silent on his feet._

_And rude._

"Big bro!" Isabel yells louder than necessary, "We were actually talking about _you_!"

Levi stands there in the shade of the tree looking anything but amused. The shadows from the Sun filtering through the tree leaves highlight the sharp angles of his face. He makes a sound from behind his teeth, unimpressed.

"_Tch._"

Isabel blinks and swivels her head between the two of them. Maia has one golden eyebrow raised in a high arch above her eye as if daring Levi to say something else. Levi's arms are crossed over his chest, his legs spread slightly. Maia knows it is meant to intimidate her, but she is friends Mike Zacharius. That pose has long since stopped being effective.

"Are you gonna be okay alone?"

Levi's eyes slant over to Isabel and he gives her a look that makes it seem like he has just smelled something rotten. "Why are you worrying about me?"

Isabel stands and brushes specks of dirt from her pants. She gives a laugh, again throwing her head back. When she laughs she gives it everything she has, it seems. "Oh, _big bro_, I wasn't talking to _you_."

Levi is momentarily taken aback. Isabel was talking to the _horse lover? _Since when did she care about someone, _anyone_, in the Scouts? Had this woman managed to enchant Isabel somehow? Maia too is staring wide eyed at Isabel. The younger woman merely shrugs.

"If he kills you, who is going to take Breya out for me?"

It takes Maia only a few seconds to realize Isabel is at least partially joking with her. A smile forms on her lips, the kind that's warm and shows teeth and is radiant. Isabel thinks her comparison from earlier was spot on. Maia _is_ like the Sun.

"I think Breya would willingly come to you at this point, but I appreciate your worry, Isabel."

"Anytime, horse lady." She gives a mock salute to both of them before quite literally _frolicking_ away. They hear her screeching Furlan's name as she runs down the grassy hill towards the barracks.

"She's quite the character," Maia's face is still warm, open, inviting, and it makes Levi scowl harder. He ignores her and begins walking towards the stables. Maia rolls her eyes and does a small skip to keep up with his long strides.

"Are you not going to speak to me this entire session?"

Silence again.

Maia sighs and switches tactics.

"Have you ridden a horse before?"

He cuts her a look that makes her feel like a worm before lifting one corner of his lips upwards. It's not a smirk, it's a sneer.

"What do _you_ think, horse woman?"

Maia purses her lips. The nickname isn't as endearing coming from Levi. "Well, I wouldn't be asking you if I had any clue, now would I?"

She huffs when he merely scowls deeper and remains silent. "Watch it, if you scowl like that for too long your handsome face will get stuck that way."

Maia is too busy thinking of which horse would best suit Levi's obviously winning personality that she misses his eyes widen only infinitesimally. She just called him handsome. The _audacity_ of this woman, honestly. What did she take him for? Some cheap fuck? A depraved Underground degenerate who is desperate for a woman's touch? _Tch_. He internally scoffs and outwardly rolls his eyes again, crosses his arms once more for good measure. Appear as closed off as possible. That's it. Don't let these Survey Corps scumbags get into your head. The three of them had been through enough already.

Levi spends the next few moments assessing the horse lover _Maia_ through the calculating slits his eyes have shaped themselves into. He'd already noted her height the first time she approached their table a few days ago - the night when Isabel had practically shrieked her name across the entire fucking mess hall to get her attention. Maia is a tiny thing, all curves and muscle and nimble movements like most of the other women he's seen around the compound. The scouts all take pride in their training regimen and he can't find it in himself to fault them for it. If he willingly signed up to risk his ass against giant, man-eating nightmares then he supposes he might have a bit of pride for it too.

But, as it stands, his entire goddamn head had been forced into a putrescent puddle of _filth_ by that absolute _dog_ Mike Zacharius, so, well, he wasn't exactly _willing_ to be here at all.

Maia turns to ask him a question and he realizes he has been staring too long and is now caught. Rather than blush like a fucking schoolgirl he keeps staring at her, daring her to look away first. His cheeks remain unblemished, years and years of living in the dark have taught him how to keep his face devoid of any emotion, any sign of change. His skin is smooth and even, like porcelain.

He looks right into her eyes. Her big, warm, amber colored eyes.

What the fuck?

Who has eyes _that_ warm? Was she some sort of test subject for one of Shitty Glasses' experiments? Was it _normal _to be this vibrant and alive? Maia practically radiates life and has this strange calming effect that Levi would rather stab his own eye out over than admit out loud what it is.

_Goddamn science experiment. No one can _make _someone feel _safe_._

_...Can they?_

Maia clears her throat. "As riveting as this staring contest is, I'm going to go ahead and fold. You win, if it means so much to you. And, from that little display of testosterone, I think I know _exactly_ which horse will suit you best."

She walks over towards the end of the horse stalls and Levi curses under his breath that his legs have automatically started following her _without him telling them to_. Maybe she is an enchantress. Although, he would be a liar if he said he wasn't intrigued by the horses.

Maia extends her arm towards the very last stall and Levi slowly peers in. Standing there is a magnificent horse. Even Levi can appreciate the splendor that is this animal. He is a tall, strong, colossus of a beast. A deep brown coat that is nearly black shines even in the dim light of the stall. As Maia opens the gate and leads the horse out, the Sun beams down against his coat and causes a brilliant coppery glow to surround him. Levi admits to himself that Maia knows how to pick a horse and he can also admit that he was impressed watching her lead the horse without reins. His pride allows him some concessions. He knows very little about horses, but these big behemoth creatures certainly _look_ like they don't have any reason to listen to shitty humans. Somehow, though, they listen to her. All of them.

"Do you like him?" Her voice is soft, gentle as she pats down along the horse's strong neck. Levi can't tell if she is asking him or the horse. The animal makes an appreciative sound and huffs out its big lips against her forehead.

_Did...did that horse just _kiss _her?_

"I think he likes _you_," Levi cannot manage to take the edge off his voice, but he also cannot be bothered to give a shit.

Maia sighs and shoves the horse's reins into Levi's chest. A shock of heat explodes across his skin and he physically jolts backwards an inch.

"The horse lover jokes are getting old now. You need new material."

"_Tch,_" is all Levi can express, and, with another deep sigh, Maia begins showing him the very basics of how to care for a horse.

"Yeah, yeah," a while later Levi drops the bucket of feed he is holding onto the ground, "don't stablehands do this? Just show me how to _ride_ this thing."

He isn't interested in this. He doesn't exactly like not knowing how to expertly ride this goddamn animal. Levi feels his patience wearing thin.

"Okay, first of all," the horse handler is now visibly less than pleased with him and his entire existence, it seems, "he's a _horse_, not a _thing_. And second, you need to learn how to _care_ for him before he will even _attempt_ to care for _you_. I didn't have to do this with Isabel or Furlan but with you it's clear that you won't respect him right away and you _need to_. Horses aren't animals you can just _tame_ and _conquer_, Levi."

Her gaze switches up to the horse and her entire body softens. She smiles, pets his mane lovingly. "They are loyal companions," she whispers out in a soothing tone, "affectionate, strong, capable. They're the best Scouts out there, honestly. Better than any of us. They aren't the enemies of the Titans, have no reason to enter into that absolute slaughter, and yet," her smile becomes less bright, more crest-fallen, and she shakes her head, "they follow us blindly out _there_. Into that hell. To help us...do what?" She shrugs, saddened, "Come up short every time?"

A humorless laugh escapes her as she turns back to Levi.

"We breed them just so we can try to outrun Death."

At this point he is standing uselessly to the side, effectively chagrined. This woman didn't drag his damn face through that filthy mud puddle in the Underground. She had nothing to do with his capture or the punishment he and his friends were threatened with. She _genuinely _wants to help him, and that's something he is so unfamiliar with that he doesn't even know how to begin to accept it. All she wants to do is teach him how to be _kind_ to a fucking _horse_ so that when they go outside of the Walls he doesn't get devoured by giant creatures set on annihilating all of humanity.

And damn it if he doesn't feel bad as all hell now.

"Look," she continues before he can even think of saying something, "you don't have to trust me. Hell, you don't even have to _like_ me. But you have to at least trust this horse. Out there...bad things happen. I know awful things happened down _there. I know_ that they did. _I know_ you three had a rough go of it. But, goddamnit, Levi, you haven't _seen_ what…"

Her eyes begin to well up and Levi pales.

_Please do not fucking cry right now in this horse stall surrounded by horse shit and this gigantic animal that definitely hates me and loves you._

"I hope you never see it," her smile is watery, but it's back and to hell with it all it's still impossibly warm and kind and safe, "but…I know that's just wishful thinking."

Levi shuffles his feet awkwardly, tries not to bump into the goddamn horse, and sighs.

"Well," he begins finally and laments that his voice comes out rougher than he had wanted, "we're going out there whether you like it or not, so I," he pauses, struggles through what he wants to say next, "_appreciate_ that you've chosen a decent horse for me."

Maia's shoulders deflate a little and Levi tries not to let it bother him. Why the hell should he care either way? When has he _ever_ cared either way? She might be trying, _genuinely _trying to help him survive, but it's only ever been _just the three of them, _in his mind. His entire time topside has been all about _those two_ and himself. He and Isabel and Furlan just need to survive long enough to get those damn papers, kill Erwin, and gain their freedom. And this woman is making it very hard to _not_ care. Isabel was right. Maia _is_ a good one. And he hates that.

"He's better than _decent_," she allows the animal to step out of the stall for real this time, "he's _yours_."

The horse walks out of the stall with a look on his face that says the only reason he isn't kicking Levi's front teeth in is because Maia won't allow it.

She then instructs him how to mount the horse, handle the saddle's pommel, issue commands, turn, brace, stop, pivot, switch gates, the works. Her instructions are clear, her methods gentle but strictly no-nonsense. He marvels at how she has managed to teach him so much during just this one session. Well, time was of the essence, he supposed. But Maia cares more about safety and forming bonds than anyone he may have ever met in his life, and he knows she would never dare let him outside those Walls if this horse didn't trust him and vice versa. Levi has to admit, he _is_ feeling pretty bonded to this horse already, as strange as it all is. Again, he marvels at her ability to read a person and know exactly what kind of companion they need.

"Okay," after a few more rounds and repetitions, the session is over, "that's it for the morning. Afternoon meal is going to be served soon and you'll need to recharge before hand-to-hand training."

"_Tch_," Levi rolls his eyes, still atop his horse, "I doubt I'll be challenged there."

Maia quirks a brow but says nothing. He just offered something up on his own. She isn't about to alert him to that fact, but she'll keep that with her. This was certainly progress, albeit miniscule.

"So," Levi motions to the horse, "Do I finally get to know this brute's name?"

Maia has intentionally held off on telling Levi his name, stating that the bond is more important. An attachment had to develop and then she could reveal his name to him. For some reason he didn't think that was entirely true but decided against making her feel worse than he already had by calling her out on it.

"_We're more than just our name, Levi," _she had said to him. It stirred something deep inside of him that he didn't much care to feel. It was something that hadn't been awake for a very long time. He had nearly doubled over from the force of it, but maintained his composure somehow.

How did she know how to say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time?

Her smile is devious now, though, and he has a horrible feeling he is not going to like _exactly_ what she says at _exactly_ this moment.

"His name," she gives the horse a light tap somewhere on his hind leg and makes a short series of clicks with her mouth, "is _Gilbert_."

The horse, _Gilbert_, whinnies happily and charges into a full on gallop across the enclosure that has Levi swearing out loud and grasping at the reins frantically, though he had already been gripping them loosely to begin with.

"Are you serious?_ Gilbert_?! What the fu-" his curse is carried off on the wind.

Maia's laughter peels out across the warm breeze and makes that awful, ancient feeling well up in his stomach again. Or maybe that is just nausea. Or anger. Or disgust at this goddamn mammoth of a horse who looks like a warrior and is now his and is named _Gilbert._

But Levi does know one thing.

Although her face is obnoxiously pleasant and her hands ridiculously gentle and her eyes impossibly warm...

...although she doesn't back down from his stares and instead talks back...

...although she gave him a fucking horse named _Gilbert_…

Maia is _damn_ good at taming wild horses.

* * *

A/N: Full disclosure I rewrote this chapter six times and I still don't fully like it for some reason. But I decided, screw it, I need to post it because staring at it and wondering why I have that weird "this is terrible" feeling in my stomach is just not going to solve any of my problems. This was so difficult to write _and _it's the longest chapter to date. The first one on one time with Levi and Maia is so pivotal in my mind and I wanted to do it right - not make it overly sappy, overly cruel, overly campy and overdone and unrealistic, but HOT DAMN is young Levi a hard character to write. I think the cool thing about him is that he is so multi-faceted that an author can really take him in any direction, but that's also kind of a curse too. In my opinion, there's an inherent softness inside of him, _waaaaaaay deeeeeep_ down inside of him, and that's sort of what Maia's actions cause him to tap into. It's something we see bits and pieces of in the present day chapters. But I didn't want Maia to do one thing and for Levi to explode into a sopping puddle of heart eyes. That would just be terribly un-Levi, you know?

I don't know, this chapter was such a bear for me, you guys. What did you think? The first thing I thought when I sat down to write this chapter was "the horse must have a silly name" so I gave Levi a horse named Gilbert and that made me laugh and not hate this chapter that much. Ah, well, such is life. Leave a review to let me know how you're liking the story so far!

Also, does the line "How did she know how to say exactly the right thing at exactly the right time?" make anyone else immediately starting singing "Everything You Want" by Vertical Horizon? Classic.

Thank you to all who have favorited, reviewed, and followed! You mean THE WORLD to me! xx


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK either the manga or the anime. I also do not own the events in the No Regrets storyline either. Anything original is my own.**

* * *

Chapter Nine: The Hard Choices

_Present day..._

Jean is about to piss his pants. He wills his legs not to shake and his bladder not to completely betray him as he stands before the stage among his fellow graduates. The disastrous images from Trost are still burned into his mind. When he closes his eyes, they appear, they haunt him. He is watching Erwin Smith give a patriotic speech, but his insides are roiling, distracting him, pulling his mind towards dark, disturbing places.

_How can I just forget what I saw?_

Commander Smith speaks on the necessity of taking a new path to Shiganshina, to Jaeger's basement. They must go the long way from Karanes district. "The path that took one of our battalions four years to clear is completely lost. During those four years over ninety percent of the Survey Corps soldiers died. That's ninety percent in four years."

_I can't stay. I signed up to become an MP. I didn't want this. I can't stay here._

Jean looks out of his peripherals to his friends. Armin. Mikasa. Sasha. Connie. Reiner. Bertolt. Krista. Ymir. Annie. People he came to know during his training years. People with whom he experienced the unspeakable events of Trost. All of that carnage...that death.

_Marco_.

At the thought of his best friend Jean squeezes his eyes shut only to shoot them open seconds later. Images of Marco's face half-eaten and torn apart flash through his mind. It takes everything in him not to vomit all over his boots right then and there. He thinks he will never come to terms with his death, with losing him.

_Marco._

"The Survey Corps is always looking for talented people. Since many are killed every time we go out, we suffer from a chronic shortage of personnel."

_If I stay here I will die._

Someone a few rows behind him is crying softly.

"I won't hide it," Erwin continues, "Those of you who join the Survey Corps will participate in an expedition beyond the Wall one month from now. A supply route needs to be put in place as soon as possible. I believe the mortality rate for new recruits going on their first journey Outside is about fifty percent."

_If I stay here I will die._

Someone, he thinks it may be Krista, whimpers.

"But those who do get through it go on to become superior soldiers with a high survival rate. Now you know the dismal state of affairs. Those of you who are still willing to put your lives on the line, remain here."

_If I stay here I will die. I have to leave. I have to move._

Erwin's eyebrows are straight, his gaze severe as he levels them all with a firm look. "Let me reiterate...The majority of the people who stay here and enter the Survey Corps will likely die. Ask yourselves if you really have it in you to sacrifice your life for humanity."

The fingers of Jean's left hand are surely turning blue from how hard he is gripping them with his right. He looks around the stage, tries to avoid staring at Erwin any longer. In the wings he can see a few of the current regiment members standing there. A golden haired woman is shaking her head, a hand to her face. Another woman next to her, her hair a strawberry blonde, stands with her hands in fists at her hips. She looks less than pleased. A man near the two women, who is tall and muscled and the epitome of a soldier, sporting a close shaved blond beard, has his hands out, palms up as if to ask "_why did you just give a speech like that?!_"

Jaeger is there too, he thinks. The figure has their hood up, but he would know Jaeger's stance anywhere. The golden-haired woman is close to him, right at his side, and once she finishes shaking her head at Erwin's less than encouraging words, she wraps an arm around the figure's shoulders, draws him close. She whispers something to him and Jean can't help but be surprised.

_People have already begun to care for Jaeger here_… Jean thinks to himself. _They are trying to comfort him. _Jaeger, _of all people...that kid...he _has_ to be here. He's got no choice. Because of what he is. What he can do. But even if he couldn't turn into a Titan...I know that shithead would still _choose_ to be here, to fight for humanity. He's always been that way. Stupid. Reckless._

_Brave as all hell._

The sound of boots scuffing against the ground hits his ears. Graduates are leaving the area, opting not to sign their lives over to Erwin Smith, deciding against sealing their deaths by joining his cause. Humanity's cause.

_Shit...I'm begging you here. Don't make me...hate myself more than I already do._

Goddamnit why does he feel _bad_ about wanting to leave? This has been his plan all along! Survive the Training Corps and then become a member of the MPs. Live a cushy life in the capital and reap the benefits of the pay without the risk of being eaten alive. This has_ been_ the plan! So why the _hell_ are his feet not moving? Was it Trost? Was it what he saw in Trost?

_So many deaths. So many people killed by those creatures. The Titans. They...they ate them. Ate so many. People I trained with. People I knew. Marco...they ate _Marco.

God _fucking_ damnit if Eren Jaeger could do it, could still stand tall even when his life was basically forfeit and belonged to the Scouts then _so could Jean Kirstein._ It is the worst idea he has had to date. The stupidest thing he has ever done and maybe even will ever do in his entire life, but damn it...he's doing it. He is staying.

He is…

"If you were told to die...could you do it?"

_No._ _I don't know if I could. But...it's not about knowing if I can or can't, right? It's about knowing that at the time when it matters most, I'll be able to make the hard choices. I'll...I'll be fine if I just stick to my guns, won't I? Do what I've always done? I don't know if I'll be able to die, but who really is? It's in us all to fight, to keep fighting and try our damndest to survive. Hell, even I can do that. I...I owe it to Marco. I owe it to myself._

He is going to stay…

He is…

He is going to…

He takes a deep breath.

And he stays.

* * *

"Eren!"

Armin and Mikasa run full force to greet the teen. His legs give out as they reach him, overwhelmed at the sight of his friends; they throw their arms around him as he falls into their embrace. There is laughter and a few tears and Eren thinks he may have forgotten what it means to be happy until this moment reminded him that he used to know it, used to know happiness and joy.

"You're here! You guys are here!" He pulls back in their arms, looks at them almost in disbelief, "You guys...joined the Scouts!"

Mikasa glares at him and punches his arm, "Of course we did, Eren! Did you think we wouldn't?"

"We're always going to be where you are," Armin nods in affirmation, his innocent face lit up like a sunny day. Somehow he has retained his youthful glow, his optimistic worldview. Though Armin's face has the faintest of worry lines, so light they are hard to even spot, his smile is still intact, warm and comforting as it has always been.

Jean approaches them with the others in tow. Eren looks at all of them one at a time. He is still kneeling in the dirt with Mikasa and Armin by his side. They're all here. His friends.

"You all...stayed. I...I couldn't believe it when I saw you all still there." Eren is silent for a moment before he breathes out, "_Why_?"

"Well, don't think we did it for you," Jean scoffs, and red appears across his cheekbones. He looks away, down towards the well-worn, graveled ground. He scuffs his boot arbitrarily and a small cloud of ashy dust plumes around his feet.

Reiner crosses his arms, large and powerful guards across his chest, "It's the right thing to do."

Bertolt nods his head in agreement, stands there almost shyly next to his best friend, "Even though we're scared as hell."

"We'll probably die," Sasha adds uneasily, giving a nervous laugh that seems fitting for her personality.

"But," Connie shrugs in that good-natured way of his, "I think we've seen too much to back out now."

Krista jumps in, "Besides, we're all together, right? Just like in training!"

"All except Annie," Ymir points out, only slightly put out by the fact that Annie had abandoned them for the MPs. She had thought after Trost they all would stay together. But Ymir has been wrong many times before.

The group is silent for a few moments, letting the events of the day sink in. Footsteps sound from behind them, and as a unit they all turn towards the noise.

Jean recognizes the two women he saw in the wings of the stage earlier. Their faces are kind, strides relaxed. Both are even more striking up close. But maybe that's because he's young still and the sight of any woman draws his eyes. He looks around for the man that had been with them but he doesn't see him anywhere.

The torches lit around the now emptied stage area bathe both of their complexions with a warm glow. There are no Titans around, no danger, and it is nice to just be able to observe pretty females for a few blissful moments. The night is cool around them and a light breeze gently moves their hair around. How long has it been since he could just admire a woman's features? Too long...and he'd only just recently become interested at all, to boot!

"Eren," the shorter of the two smiles so warmly at Jaeger that Jean feels that same surprise from the ceremony all over again. Smiling? At Jaeger? The kid is an absolute mess. How can she…? She was the one who hugged him earlier. Why…? "Are these your friends from training?"

Her eyes remind him of honey.

Eren nods and makes his way to his feet. His legs are too long, like a newborn animal with awkward proportions, Jean thinks. Lanky and all limbs. How can _he_ be the recipient of such a smile? Such attention from these women? Is he being too hard on the kid? After all they had been through? Maybe...But maybe he is still reeling from his decision to join the Scouts. To give his life over for humanity's sake. That could be the reason his emotions are all over the place now.

"We'd like to meet them if that's okay with you?" The other woman speaks_, _still friendly but reserved, only a little distant. She eyes him will a small amount of skepticism and hesitation lying just under the surface of her gaze. Jean watches her draw a piece of her short hair behind her ear. He thinks the action allows her rounded cheeks to become more prominent, lets the flames dance along the sharp line of her jaw down to the point of her chin.

Eren blinks before regaining composure, or, well, whatever composure Jaeger can even boast to have. After all, to Jean he is still a kid among these soldiers, these legends. "Uh, sure! Yeah! Guys, this is Maia and this is Petra. They're in Captain Levi's squad."

Connie almost falls over, makes a sputtering sort of yelp and shoots his arms in the air like an absolute idiot. "No _way!_ Captain Levi's Special Operations Squad? Wait. _You're_ Maia Beckett? And _you're _Petra Ral? _Wow…_!"

Both women raise their eyebrows and share a look between each other. Petra is the one to speak, "Expecting different people? Cold-blooded killers, perhaps?"

Maia tacks on, "Are we not up to your expectations?"

"I, _um_, _heh_, no, I just…You handle those huge horses, don't you? Train them for battle? They're famous, the Scout's horses are, and, I, _well_, I just..." Connie's arm is furiously rubbing the back of his neck, his face breaking into a huge, nervous smile as he desperately tries to look anywhere but at Maia, "...thought you'd be...taller?"

Immediately, the woman in question is laughing. She has to place a hand on her knee to brace herself. Golden hair falls over her shoulders, spills down her front. The air is lighter, happier, now that she is filling it with her laughs. Jean is almost left breathless over the two women. People who have joined the Scouts, people who have _been in the Scouts_ for years, they can still be happy? Was there hope for him still? Could his choice not have condemned him to just a brutal, gory death?

Petra is laughing too. Her eyes squint as she joins Maia, mouth falling open at the humor that Connie obviously doesn't understand. Jean watches her shoulders shake, her head fall back as she lets out actual _giggles_. The long column of her neck gleams, smooth in the light of the fiery torches. Their noises brighten everything around them.

Was any of this actually happening? Could any of this be possible? This laughter? This sense of...calm? Had he passed out upon making his choice to join the regiment? He thinks that might actually be a possibility. He must have passed out because there is no way that, after what he saw in Trost, Jean Kirstein could ever be calm again, could ever smile again. Slowly, he touches his mouth. There, right on his own face, his own lips, is a smile. It is small, but a smile nonetheless. It feels foreign to him, such an open display of happiness, but he allows it to grow just a fraction larger.

Yes, he totally must have passed out.

"What's your name?" Maia manages to ask once she has had her fill of mirth for the moment.

"Uh, Connie Springer, ma'am, _err_," he squints, tries to see if her uniform gives away her status, "Lieutenant? Captain? S...squad Leader?" Apparently Connie _doesn't _know everything about the Special Operations Squad.

"_Doctor," _she smirks, waves him off, "but just call me Maia, please. And I'll have you know that _both_ yourself and Captain Levi are taller than me but shorter than everyone else here except for, well, this young woman right here."

"Krista Lenz," the tiny blonde introduces herself softly, her voice high in pitch and full of awe. Looking at two successful women who joined and _survived_ their first outings with the Scouts is...incredible to her. Motivating. Reassuring. Maybe she hadn't made the wrong choice.

Maia nods warmly at her and Jean watches Krista's eyes widen, awestruck. "You're not saying height has anything to do with skill, are you? Because I can tell you that there is a certain someone who will _not_ like that."

Petra covers a laugh with her hand as Connie sputters out, "Oh _god_, please do _not_ tell Captain Levi I said anything! I didn't mean to-"

"Say what, cadet?"

"_AH!_" Connie jumps about a foot off the ground it seems, "C-captain Levi, sir!" He clumsily salutes out of pure terror that the man will actually pummel him to the ground after he'd just signed his life over to the Scouts. _Man, I _just_ signed up to die! It can't be happening _this _quickly! I thought a Titan would get me...not...not a commanding officer!_

Levi is clearly waiting for an answer, standing there with his brow raised, an unamused expression on his face. When Connie offers nothing except a sweating face and a bunch of embarrassing mumbles, Levi glances over at the newest members of the Scout Regiment.

"These your friends, Eren?" He doesn't look at Eren when he poses the question. Jean finds himself shifting his weight from one foot to the other. The captain is intimidating, despite his height, and he sure as hell doesn't want to join Connie and be in his bad graces during the first thirty seconds of meeting him.

"Yes, sir. They were all with me in Trost."

"I see," Levi clasps his arms behind his back, regards them all with a hard stare. "You'll see worse out there, you know that right?"

Surprisingly (or maybe not), Armin is the one to speak up, "Yes, sir. But we're here, aren't we? We know the risks."

"_Tch_," Levi makes a noise in the back of his throat, "Do you? You better not have all stayed just to be together. If so, you'll be disappointed with how that works out for you."

"_Levi_," Maia hisses at him and reaches out to grab his arm. Eren's comrades all visibly tense at the action. Jean thinks he hears a gasp or two from his friends. Petra is merely standing there, a knowing look on her face, although, Jean notices, it's sort of crestfallen too. "Haven't they been scared enough tonight? Erwin's speech wasn't exactly _inspiring_. And it's just like this young man said. They're _here_, aren't they? We need them, Levi."

Her fingers are grasping his elbow and Jean watches the captain's face remain still at the contact. When he looks over at her, his face shifts, slightly, almost imperceptibly. Jean can't tell what emotion it is written there across the older man's face, but maybe it's because he's too young and inexperienced. Maybe it's because he has never felt whatever they are feeling. But he's only just met them both, barely knows them at all, let alone how _they_ know each other. So, really, who is he to say what is going on?

A charge, a current, streaks through the group, but it is gone as quickly as it arrives. Captain Levi pulls his arm from her grasp gently, almost regretfully. Maia's fingers linger in the air a second longer than necessary before they drift back to her side. The captain's eyes close for one long moment, as if he were gathering himself for some reason, before they open again and glance away from Maia, his stare hard and dull once more. Jean and the others do not miss the fact that Maia called him Levi and didn't use his rank when addressing him.

"_Fine,_" he relents, "but don't think you'll have any time to reunite and hug and shit tomorrow. We're cleaning the yard and mopping out the barracks. Don't miss morning meal. You'll be sorry if you do. I don't give breaks."

Maia rolls her eyes and turns back to them, "Ignore him for tonight. Enjoy catching up. I'm sure you want to hear everything, right, Eren? Don't stay up too late, though, okay? We'll see you in the morning and I'll meet the rest of you then. I'll be assigning you each a horse sometime soon. Get some rest and," she gives them a genuine smile followed by a true salute, "welcome to the Survey Corps."

Petra salutes as well, then waves and bids them goodnight, falling into step with Maia and Levi, the latter of whom has long since turned away from their group. Jean watches Maia slap Levi's arm, saying something to the captain that Jean can't quite hear. Whatever it is, it has the captain shaking his head, a small, nearly invisible smile on his lips that is revealed by a torch they pass on their journey away from the group of friends. All of them watch the trio until they are no longer visible.

"Holy shit," Connie breathes finally, "I thought I was going to die right then and there."

"Yeah, well," Reiner chastises him, has to pry Connie's fisted hand away from his chest, "maybe you shouldn't say such stupid things."

Connie is waving his arms up and down now, indignant, and finally relaxed out of the salute he felt the need to hold the entire time, "Well I didn't know he would come walking up to us out of the shadows at that exact moment, you jerk!"

"Hey," Sasha ignores the two men and turns to Eren instead, "Captain Levi and Maia seem close. I thought he didn't like anybody. Are they…?"

Eren shakes his head, "No, they're not."

"Oh," she is surprised, and even more perplexed that she also feels sad, "that's...a shame."

"Yeah," Eren agrees quietly, "you have no idea."

Mikasa chooses that moment to speak, "So, Eren, tell us everything."

* * *

Jean is the first one out of their group up the following morning. He could not sleep well the night before, tossing and turning this way and that for most of the long, seemingly endless hours. He can still hear the snores of Connie above him, can see Reiner's chest rising and falling from the bunk next to his. With a sigh, he figures he will not be getting any more sleep to add to the already dismal amount he's had, so he heaves his body out of the bottom bunk and slides on his boots.

After freshening up his face with some cool, fresh water, he makes his way from the barracks towards where he supposes the mess hall is. He'd only gotten a rough tour from Jaeger the night before as he led all of them around, the young teen telling them of what they'd missed since being separated.

The morning sun is still rising, almost groggily climbing up the wide expanse of the slowly lightening blue sky above. He can hear crickets and early birds singing, the buzzing of cicadas, the gentle hum that comes with the start of a new day. Again, he marvels at how calm he feels. Maybe he is in denial or something. Or maybe during the long night while he tangled and grappled with the endless thoughts that spun around in his head, he made peace with his decision, his choice. He doesn't know, probably won't ever know, but he is glad for it, whatever _it_ is, that has allowed him even these few moments of contentment.

Inside the hall Jean finds a few scouts already awake, all veterans, of course, who are presumably used to early mornings and waking up well before the sun. They had not grown out of the routine like Jean and the others during their interim between Trost and the Recruitment Ceremony. Those few days seem so far away now, where Jean was _sure _he would be joining the Military Police.

He sees Maia sitting at a table with Eren, both nursing cups of tea. When he thinks about it, he realizes that he hadn't seen Jaeger in the barracks last night. With that thought in mind he strides forward towards the two. As he makes his way to the table he notices a third cup of tea, steam still rising off the top, sitting in the empty spot next to Maia. He thinks nothing of it for the moment, as Eren greets him softly, warily.

"Good morning," Jean mumbles back, unable to fully commit to moving on and accepting Jaeger, calling this a friendship, letting bygones be bygones. He thinks he will need a few more days, at least, maybe even more. He doesn't fully even know _why_ he harbors such a dislike for the strong-willed kid, but he's unwilling to think any longer on it so early in the day.

"Good morning," Maia smiles over at him and gestures for him to sit on the empty bench next to Eren, "you're the first one up out of your friends. Early riser?"

Jean purses his lips, feels silly sitting there now without anything to hold in his hands, "Couldn't sleep, really. Didn't see the point in staying around people who could."

Maia nods in understanding, having been there herself many times before. They all have at one point or another. "What's your name, cadet?"

When she addresses him as 'cadet' it feels different from how Captain Levi had barked the rank at Connie last night. He wonders if others in the scouts are more like Maia or more like the captain. Maybe they're not like either. "Jean Kirstein."

"Well, Jean," Maia brings her cup of tea up to her lips, "I can tell you it _does_ get easier after a while. Sleep will come. Best not to force it, though. I can recommend some good tea, if you'd like. The Scouts don't have much these days, but we have managed to procure a few good tea blends, strangely. You won't see me complaining about it."

Jean can only nod in agreement. He finds it hard to speak. What can he even talk about with them? Then he remembers Jaeger's absence in the bunks. "Hey, Jaeger, where did you sleep last night?"

Eren's face falls immediately. His usual wide-eyed, too-young expression disappears and is replaced with a frown and somber eyes. He reveals to Jean, "in the basement."

"Wh-" Jean cuts himself off, shakes his head, "This whole time? In the basement? What? Why?"

The younger teen clears his throat awkwardly, "In case I transform. Captain Levi doesn't trust me."

"_Yet_." Maia interrupts with a stern face. "He doesn't trust you _yet_, Eren. He'll come around. He's just worried."

"Worried about who?"

Maia looks at Jean with an odd expression, "Everyone, of course."

A skeptical looks flits across Jean's face, "The captain doesn't seem like the type to care about others, well, from what I've seen at least."

Maia purses her lips and sighs before eyeing the extra tea mug next to her. "Then you'll just have to get to know him better. You'll see." She turns to Eren. "_You'll_ see too, Eren." Her small hand reaches across the table to cover one of his and again Jean is once again blown away by the affection he sees on her face for Jaeger, for the boy who can turn into one of _them_.

"Just give him time," she continues. "He'll come around."

Eren squeezes her hand and gives a weak smile in return. "I sure hope so."

Abruptly, Eren releases Maia's hand almost as if it had burned him, and straightens his spine. He stares at something behind Maia, eyes wide.

"G-good morning, Captain!" His voice shakes and he quickly puts his hands down below the table, onto his lap, as if they had been doing something wrong.

Jean does a double take. How did Captain Levi _do_ that? He hadn't even seen _or_ heard him coming! Yet, there he is, right behind Maia, eyeing the spot where her hand had held Eren's, his top lip tweaked upwards, clearly irked. He levels Jaeger with one more look, the emotion behind which Jean can't place once again, before taking a seat next to Maia. He nods over at her and grabs the cup of tea set out before him, raises the ceramic mug in a gesture of thanks before taking a sip. His fingers cover the top of the mug; they leave only enough room for Levi to drink the liquid. He disregards the handle completely.

"So," he sets the tea down, "tell me, Eren's friend,-"

"Jean," Maia informs him with an eye roll.

"-_Jean_," Levi corrects himself, albeit not because _he_ wanted to, that much was for sure, "why did you join the Scouts?"

"Oh, _Levi_," Maia sighs out his name, exasperated, but the sound of her voice obviously invokes a different sort of response in the captain. His eyes soften, his head tilts towards her, and he looks at her with such a gentle expression across his brow that Jean is halfway inclined to grab Jaeger and let the two of them have a moment by themselves. Also, he is not really looking forward to answering the captain's question, so there's that.

"This poor young man hasn't even had _breakfast_ yet. Why drill him now? You have the new recruits _all day_. I'm sure you can make them cry later." She winks over at Jean, obviously attempting to ease his discomfort.

The captain, although still looking at her like she is a precious gem, is not convinced by her warm eyes and pretty face. He presses on, giving Jean a look that clearly expresses that he is expecting him to answer. The way his face can shift from emotion to emotion is impressive.

"M-my friend," Jean clears his throat, doesn't understand why he is choked up all of a sudden, wishes he was not this way in front of his superior, "My friend Marco."

"And where is your friend Marco?" Levi wonders.

Jean looks down at the table, thinks of Marco's face, the torn flaps of skin left behind by the Titan that ate half of his body. He thinks of the way all of the tendons of Marco's neck laid exposed, hanging out of him. The way his skin had turned ashen and cold, his lips a sickly grey. His best friend, _lying there_, all alone, with no one to hold him during his last moments or to prevent them from even occurring. The guilt, the shame that Jean felt deep inside that day still continues even to this very moment. He thinks he will never rid himself of it. He hadn't been there for him, for Marco, his best friend, and for the rest of his life he will carry that burden with him. Will bear it and feel it more acutely than any other thing he could experience. He knows this to be painfully true.

Jean's eyes harden and his fingers clench themselves into tight fists. He gives Levi a hard stare and when he responds his tone is almost biting, is certainly bitter.

"Wherever they put the bodies after Trost."

Levi has the decency to look down at the table. Maia's amber eyes slide over to the captain then land on Jean after making a pass over Eren's still form. She frowns.

"I am truly sorry about your friend, Jean. It's hard, knowing a friend is gone."

"I _saw_ him." Jean doesn't know why he's revealing all of this now, why he is even speaking any further about Marco. But here he is, no breakfast in his stomach to throw up all over the table, so he might as well continue on and get it all off his chest. "I _saw_ his face. What _they_ did to him. Those _things_. Those _monsters_."

He feels Jaeger flinch at his side, hears Maia's quiet whisper of "_Eren_", but he finds himself unable to stop the torrent of words spilling out of him. Like a dam that has finally cracked enough to unleash a deluge.

"I thought I would spend the rest of my life in the capital, living a cushy life, guaranteed safety. I thought it would be easy, maybe I could even slack off from time to time and still get paid for leisure. But then Trost happened and everything changed and I can't even tell you _when_ it changed, but it did. I couldn't...I couldn't go back to how I used to be, how it all used to be. Especially not after I saw...he was just _lying there_! His face...it was...he had no fa-...I just _couldn't go back_."

His hand is warm suddenly, engulfed in a heat that spreads like a balm across his skin. He opens his eyes, now wet with unshed tears, and through blurry vision he sees that his hand is being covered by a small, calloused palm. Long, slender fingers curl gently around his tight fist, and with surprising strength they manage to somehow unfurl Jean's own digits with only a small amount of pressure. He watches as Maia's hand turns his over, sees her fingers weave through his own. She squeezes his hand reassuringly, as if to let him know that she's _real_, she's _alive_. He barely knows her, but she is a comfort to him. The smile on her face is genuine, but it is also sad.

"No, I guess you couldn't go back after that." She gives his hand another squeeze. "I watched my first squad all die at the hands and mouths of those Titans beyond the Walls." Her gaze shifts over to Levi, but the captain is still looking down towards the table, his gaze trained on his now empty mug of tea.

"And then I watched my second squad die as well."

Jean's eyes meet hers. She releases his hand and sighs, "It doesn't get easier, losing people you care about. I wish I could say it does. I guess if it did, if we _did_ stop caring, stop feeling each death as hard and heavily as we do, that would make us less human, wouldn't it? But, you know, Jean, each time, you just get stronger, and you just get _up_ again and again. Do you hear me, Jean? All we can do is keep _getting up_. You see their faces when you close your eyes and it hurts like nothing else will ever hurt, but you get stronger, every day, because they're _always there with you. _And when we're down, we get up over and over and over. That is what you can do for your friend, for Marco. Just keep getting up, every single time. That's all any of us can do. Right, Eren?"

The boy nods, turns to shift his body so that he is half facing Jean now. "We just have to keep pushing, Jean. I...I'm...you made the right decision. I-I know we don't really like each other," he shifts awkwardly, "but, I'm proud of you," he all but whispers, "for what it's worth. And I think Marco would be too."

Jean feels a lump lodge itself deep in his throat. Words. He wants to form words but he can't. They've given him so many words already this morning, Maia and Eren, that he feels like anything he adds now will just take away from theirs. Such encouraging words. Such emboldened words full of conviction. He feels a swell deep down in his heart that surges upwards and nearly makes him cry. But that damned lump is still in his throat and he can't do anything except stare at Eren and then stare at Maia and wonder when he started feeling like he should actually be calling him _Eren_ instead of _Jaeger_, and _gods_ he can't stop thinking about Marco now and the fact that Maia lost her squad _twice_. His entire morning has been so emotionally _loaded_ already that he can't even imagine doing whatever Captain Levi has planned for them all.

Maybe he just needs food.

Lots of food.

"Well," Captain Levi clears his throat, finally deciding to look up from his tea and join the conversation, "that's about as much mushy and depressing shit as I can take for one morning. Training starts in two hours, cadets. Don't be late and piss me off."

The captain pulls his long legs out from underneath the table, sliding each one over the bench seat he'd been occupying. Maia's eyes watch him as he rises, and neither Jean nor Eren miss the look in her eyes. For that matter, they don't miss the look in Levi's either. Something in their conversation had triggered a memory the two shared, it seems, because clearly they are both only half here with them in the present.

Maia locks eyes with the captain as he stands fully, empty teacup in his hand. He gives her that soft look, the one he seems to use only when he's looking at her, the one that softens his features, makes him look younger, and adds a shine to his eyes.

"Thank you," he nearly whispers, then raises the cup slightly, "for the tea."

Maia nods and Levi watches her chest rise as she inhales as if reassuring himself that she's really there. "Of course."

Before he turns to leave, Levi's gaze drops to Jean. For a split second the younger man thinks he is about to be berated by his captain, for his gaze is severe and the dark shadows underneath his eyes make his face all the more grave. But, the captain surprises him.

"You made the right choice, kid. Don't doubt that or it'll get you killed."

And though the comment was given in a tone that was less than soothing, though it sounded a little bit like a warning, Jean finds himself feeling light. In a strange way, he feels that he just got a small amount of approval from Captain Levi. Another one of those seldom seen smiles appears on his face, the kind that Jean hadn't felt since long before Trost, long before that terrible, awful day. But there it is again, a smile, small but firm and planted right onto his lips. The captain doesn't spare him a second glance, but Jean thinks that maybe Maia is right.

Maybe there _is_ way more to Captain Levi than he had at first believed.

There is one thing, however, that Jean now knows without a doubt. Despite nearly soiling his pants the day before and wholly doubting himself at every decision he has had to make, _this_ is where he is supposed to be. Jean Kirstein _is_ a Scout. He _belongs_ in the Survey Corps. And _all __gods be damned_ if he isn't going to give it his all, give _everything _his all from here on out.

For the first time in a very long time, though he knows it will not always be this way, will take some time to fully change over, he closes his eyes and what he sees doesn't make his heart plummet, his gut wrench.

He closes his eyes and sees Marco.

And he is smiling.

* * *

A/N: WOW, y'all, this is THE longest chapter to date. And when I say this chapter had a mind of its own, I really mean it. In my head this wasn't going to be a Jean POV centered chapter but dangit if that isn't how it all shook out. This chapter was well over ten pages of writing and was truly a monumental task to write. When I saw what direction it was going, I knew I wanted to take my time on this one. I got a super lovely review reminding me to take my time and make sure I loved the chapter before posting it, and that was so incredibly encouraging. Thank you for that. I find some of my favorite chapters to write are not action chapters (which are coming soon, by the way), but ones where I get to delve into characters' minds and play around with their emotions, see how they would be feeling at any given time. Jean is a perfect canvas for that.

Before anyone panics, this will not be a "Jean pines over the OC like an attached puppy and struggles with his unrequited love" moment. I've got other plans for him and I really hope you all like them.

Thank you a million times over for all of the LOVELY reviews this story has gotten so far. I am truly blown away by them. Each and every one has a special place in my heart. I am so grateful for you, dear readers, and am excited to put out more chapters of this story. I've got such big plans :)

Stay tuned! xx


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, neither the manga nor the anime. Any parts you recognize belong to their creator. All original content is my own. I also do not own the song that was used for inspiration for this chapter: "When the Day met the Night" from Panic! At The Disco's second studio album** **_ ._**

* * *

_When the moon fell in love with the sun_

_All was golden in the sky_

_All was golden when the day met the night_

* * *

Chapter Ten: When the Day met the Night

_A few years prior, the year 844…_

"_Maia...Maia, _please_, you have to go! _Go!_"_

"_I can't leave you! I won't leave you!" Thundering footsteps sound from only a few meters away._

"_Don't be stupid. Everyone else is dead! You're the only one left with a horse. You have to go and warn the others, Maia. I'll stay here and...you know...do my thing."_

"_Anya," sobs, full gut-wrenching sobs erupt, "Anya, you'll die."_

"_Well," the sound of new blades being snapped into place, "then I'll die knowing I saved at least one good person."_

_The footsteps are right around the copse of trees, closer, closer, closer, coming so much closer._

_The footsteps are right there._

_Its wide smile._

_Its eyes. Hungry eyes._

_It reaches out a hand and opens its mouth._

Maia bolts upright in bed, chest heaving, a hand to her heart. She feels the nausea boil up inside her throat, hot and bilious. The sweat on her neck rapidly cools and sends shivers down her spine. Every nerve in her body convulses once, twice. She flops back down onto her mattress, throws an arm over her face to cover her eyes. She is breathing heavily, nearly gasping for air.

It was just a dream.

No.

_A memory_.

She gathers herself — tries to, anyway — and looks down, peers over the side of her bunk. Hange's foot is visible, hanging off the side of her bed. All around their shared bunk are books scattered here and there, piled high and low. Hange's notebooks are on her bed, under the sheets, under her pillow, and stacked right by her head. Her glasses sit on top, like the books are a nightstand. They really need to give her a room of her own.

Rather than wake her friend who never gets enough sleep as it is, all wound up about Titans and their biology and the science of it all, Maia decides a cup of tea is in order. Slowly, so as not to wake Hange or step on one of her many tomes and go sliding across the floor, undoubtedly ending up on her rear, she climbs off the top bunk and tiptoes to their shared wardrobe, opening up the left side. Hange's possessions are on the other side, though it too seems to have more papers and pens and lab equipment (illegally?) stuffed inside of it rather than clothes and personal items. Maia gives a soft smile to her sleeping friend whose hair seems _less _wild, if that is believable, while she dreams. After slipping on her boots and donning her cloak, not even bothering to change out of her sleep clothes, she makes her way out of the barracks and towards the mess hall.

The air is chillier tonight than the past few nights have been. The nip on the breeze causes Maia to hurry her steps, nearly trip over herself in her haste to get to the warmth of the canteen. She begins to regret the decision to stay in her long but thin black sleep pants and plain white linen shirt. When at last she pushes the doors open, heaves the big wooden slab with her shoulder since her hands are occupied drawing her cloak tighter around her small frame, she pauses.

Levi is sitting at a far table, alone, with a cup of tea in front of him.

It has been a few weeks since their first training on Gilbert, the colossus of a horse with an unfitting name that she had deemed the best steed for the standoffish man. Since then the two had spent a few more riding sessions together, and Maia was wholly unsurprised to find that Levi's ability to learn a skill is exceptional. Very quickly he mastered how to handle Gilbert, expertly maneuvered him, as if he had been riding all his life. Maia knows this not to be the case for no horses live in the Underground. At least, Isabel told her as much.

The horse, too, seems smitten with Levi. Gilbert obeys his every command now and willingly comes to him whenever the man asks, calling to him either verbally or by adopting Maia's clicking technique with his tongue. She has to admit she is impressed. As unfriendly as Levi is, he truly connects with the midnight colored stallion.

Maia makes her way into the mess hall, pauses only briefly in the threshold to look at the only other person in the room. She doesn't notice Levi look up from his tea, lock his eyes onto her, but once she has breezed past him, she can _feel_ his stare. The back of her neck prickles. It is unlike when she had awoken from her nightmarish memory, drenched in her own sweat. This time the light hairs along her neck stand up above her collar, and below her cloak her spine tingles. She can't understand why, doesn't recognize this feeling that wells up inside her. Perhaps she has never felt this before; it is all new and that's why the feeling is so profound.

She is prepared for him to stay silent, to not even acknowledge her existence in the room. Why should he? His only use for her was learning how to handle Gilbert, and now that he has certainly passed that with flying colors, Maia can't imagine Levi having any interest in her at all anymore. Isabel and Furlan are his friends, his only family above ground (and maybe at all?), and obviously they are all he really needs, especially with the way he presents himself: closed off and completely uninterested.

So she nearly jumps out of her skin when his voice breaks the silence of the room.

"Thought all Scouts slept like babies each night."

Maia gives a wry smile to herself, turned away from Levi still, and busies herself by grabbing a clean mug from the table of washed dinnerware.

"Not this Scout," she replies to him before disappearing back into the kitchens. The two-way door flaps open and then closed behind her as she makes her way to where the tea leaves are stored. There are only a few canisters left as supplies are running short this season, and Maia sighs knowing that her tea will just have to be made at half strength. She really needs the pick-me-up but cannot bring herself to use more than necessary. As she spoons a meager portion of leaves into a small strainer, the double hinged doors make another sound.

"You don't seem like the nightmare type."

He will never be able to explain why he got up and walked into the kitchen this night. Levi didn't have to follow her, didn't _want_ to follow her, but another part of him..._needed_ to.

Why was she awake? The woman with the golden hair and a smile that reminded him of the stars he could often see in that spot in the Underground where the ground had given way to reveal the night sky, high above, so far away and unattainable. He never dreamed he would ever see them any closer.

But here are the stars. Right here. In her smile. In her eyes. And he can't shake the _need_ to understand what has them shimmering with unshed tears on this particular night.

Why did he care? He shouldn't. Has no reason to give a single damn about this woman or any of the Scouts in this suicide regiment. Yet, here he is. Standing just a few feet away from her, looking at her cloaked back and gazing at the curling tendrils of gold falling over her shoulders.

Why is he here?

"You don't seem like the curious type."

He watches her carefully pour hot water from a kettle over her tea leaves, held safely inside of the little mesh strainer. She makes her tea with a care that he can appreciate. Still, it doesn't explain this feeling inside of him. He doesn't like it.

But he doesn't hate it.

He shrugs, "Sometimes I make an exception."

Maia turns towards him then, cradles her mug in between her palms. She hugs the warmed ceramic close to her chest, feels the steam from her tea floating up along the underside of her chin. The feeling relaxes her tense shoulders. She takes a deep breath and the aromatic smells of the tea leaves calm her shot nerves.

"I had a dream about my first squad," she reveals to him. Doesn't know why she does, but feels compelled, for some reason, to share this with Levi, the dark, brooding, and intimidating man from the Underground.

He, too, seems shocked that she willingly offered up such an explanation, especially one that undoubtedly is deep seated in pain and grief. Sure, the two had spent time alone together, tending to their horses, with Maia showing Levi all there was to know about caring for Gilbert (that _goddamn _name still makes his eyes itch to roll upwards) and how to hone his riding skills to perfection. Other than those moments, however, he hadn't sought her out, nor she him. Why would they look for each other? They aren't friends. Levi doesn't _do_ friends. At least, not anymore. He has Furlan and Isabel, and that is quite enough for him.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

"I assume that didn't end well."

She pauses and then looks up at him, ignores the bored tone of his voice, "It ended," another pause, "as most things here do."

"Badly?"

"Bloody."

It's just the two of them in the kitchens. The night is quiet around them, and only the wind dares to make noise, pushes against the wood of the mess hall's walls, fills the gaps of silence with creaks and whispers of moving air. Levi shifts his weight to lean against the wall and the floorboards underneath his booted feet call out his movement. He gives Maia a moment, maybe two, before asking his question.

"Why do you stay?"

She looks at him as if she can't possibly understand why he is asking such an absurd thing. Maybe that's the truth. But her eyes are still glistening and the shadows underneath them are still casting a tired glow across her pretty face and for the absolute _life_ of him Levi can't understand why that turns his stomach. Perhaps it is because he has seen too many lights go out in his lifetime, too much darkness creep in and settle and never leave. Perhaps it is because he has gotten a glimpse of light now in his time above ground and he has become greedy, wants more, _needs_ more. Or perhaps it is neither of those. Or both. Who is to say? It's too late in the night, or early in the morning, to wonder about such things, in his opinion.

"When everything ends like that," he clarifies, tries not to look at her eyes that remind him of stars, "why do you stay here? With them?"

"Because it's not a _them_," she replies immediately, "it's an _us_. And I can't give up, even when it ends bloody, because I am just as much a part of all of this as you three are now. If I give up," she blows a stream of air out from between her lips and shakes her head, "then their deaths mean nothing. I watched them die, all of them. My whole squad," she quickly wipes an errant tear away and Levi has to admire her resolve, "torn to pieces right in front of my eyes. I…"

There is a long stretch of silence again. By now Maia's tea has become lukewarm and Levi's has long gone cold.

"I don't know why _I_ was the one who survived, Levi," she whispers the confession like she has never given voice to such an admittance. He doesn't know this now, but she has never said those words to anyone. Why she is saying this now? To him? It's anyone's guess. "But I am here. I made it out of that bloodbath, that slaughter — I _keep _making it out alive — and I cannot give up on them. Their deaths have to mean something, they _have to_, Levi. Or...or I don't know what the point of all this is."

The way she says his name sends a heat through him that he knows is not from his tea, sitting cold and forgotten in the mug he holds loosely in his hand.

"I stay because of them and because of all those who are still here. My father always told me '_your heart knows you better than your mind does,'_ and I just…my heart says I have to stay, to be here and hope to god or the gods or the damn walls or whoever is out there or up there that one day this will all work out. I don't know what is going on with you three, exactly, Levi, but you have to know, you're all a part of _us_ now. And it's —" she stops herself, takes a deep breath, and falls back against the counter behind her.

"Have you ever seen a person being eaten, Levi?"

He blinks, shocked, stunned. No, no he hasn't seen someone _physically_ being eaten.

"I've seen people consumed by bad things," his voice is deep, a dark whisper, "but no, I've never seen a Titan kill someone."

"Well, when you do," and he knows he will, isn't stupid enough to think he could avoid seeing something like that now that he's here above ground, "I think you'll know why I stay."

For a moment he forgets he plans to kill Erwin Smith. He forgets he and his friends from the Underground, the only family he has left on this rotting earth, are going to leave this place soon, win their freedom back and live the rest of their lives on the surface and away from all of this death and disaster. He forgets it all because there across from him is a whole universe of hope and possibility reflected in warm, honey colored eyes. They shine brilliantly against the golden backdrop of her hair as they stare right at him. For a moment it's just the two of them in that creaky kitchen with their abandoned mugs of tea, talking about being a part of something bigger than either of them could ever imagine. For a single moment he forgets his own nightmares and why he can never sleep for more than a few hours at a time.

For a moment, one small moment that seems to span both a lifetime and only a single second at the same time, he forgets.

"Have you ever watched the sunrise?" Her question and swift change of topic catches him off guard and he has to physically shake his head to break himself free from the previous moment.

"I've seen the sun come up, yeah." Where is she going with this?

"No. I asked if you've ever _watched_ the sunrise, not _seen_ one."

"_Tch, _there's a difference?"

A wide smile breaks across her face and he knows he is no longer looking at the stars.

He is looking at the Sun.

"Yes, of course there is! Come on, follow me!" She is entirely too giddy for someone who has just relived her squad's death in a nightmare and then talked about it with someone to whom she isn't particularly close, all the while standing in an empty, dimly lit little kitchen. Nevertheless, he follows her outside, watches her shiver once and then draw her cloak more tightly around herself.

Maia leads him to the pastures and when she turns towards him, the wind pushes her cloak open. Levi pauses, has to force himself to look away. Her shirt. Her shirt is white, a thin linen material. And the air...the air is cold; a chill drifts along the early morning breeze. And her shirt is open. And it's white. And the air is cold.

He clears his throat. If Maia notices anything, she doesn't say anything. Levi sighs in relief and simultaneous disappointment when she draws her cloak tightly around herself. He ignores the feeling rising in his gut and the other one rising even lower. There is no time for that shit. He may have forgotten, just for a second, what his and Isabel's and Furlan's plans are, but he remembers now. There is no room for frivolous things like..._whatever_ the fuck this feeling is.

"Look," she says simply, turning from him and staring out into the open expanse of pasture before them.

The pair are standing on a small hill, a little crest of grass a few meters farther than the stables are from the barracks and mess hall. There is a small tree up on that hill, its leaves still clinging to old branches. Far across the pasture, on a deep blue backdrop, tones of gold, yellow, orange, burning flames paint the sky. The two of them stand there silently, watching the colors erupt across the blank, early morning canvas. Pinks and reds and blush tones and vibrant, bright splashes of sunrise fill their view.

Levi has to admit, it_ is_ beautiful. Even he can appreciate something as radiant as this.

It's hard to believe that there are man-eating monsters waking up to that same sunrise.

"Every time I think about the fact that _I_ survived," she begins in a whisper, "and that all of my friends, my squadmates, my comrades didn't...I try to think of this." Maia extends a hand out and gestures to the rising sun and painted backsplash of sky behind it. "All of these colors, and this _beauty_," she sighs, a breathy noise, "_wow_." She shakes her head, her hair tumbles down her chest, " There are so many bad things that happen in this world, Levi. _So many_. But this? Right here? _This_ happens every single day, no matter what. The sun _always _rises."

She turns to him then, and he feels a lump lodge itself firmly in his throat. His breath catches; he nearly chokes. Why the fuck did he follow her out here?

"So we must too."

The sun behind Maia, slowly creeping its way up in the sky, sets her hair aflame. Golden, shining tresses disheveled from sleep gently curl this way and that. Pure, spun gold flowing in tendrils down her shoulders, her back, her chest. The sun illuminates the air around her head, gives her an otherworldly glow. A halo of light frames her, glows around her like she is a celestial being to which all the light around her is desperate to cling.

He thinks of all the times he and Isabel and Furlan sat in their spot in the Underground. The place where the ground above had given way to the stars and the night sky way up high. How they would go there in the dead of night just to try to see those tiny white pinpricks glowing so far out of their reach. He thought of how Isabel always said how beautiful they were, how she would do _anything_ just to be able to see them even a _little_ bit closer.

Levi blinks. Stares at the radiance in front of him.

If he had known that _this_, that _she_ was out here, above the ground, up on the surface? He would have clawed his way out of the Underground all on his own. Would have gripped the earth so hard with his fingers so that all of the dirt and grime and filth of the city below it would be forever embedded into his fingernails, not giving a single damn about cleanliness, if only he could climb out faster, faster, faster, just to see this. The sun rising behind her, throwing her face into a spectacle of warmth and splendor more beautiful than anything he had ever dreamed up on his own down in the dark. The feeling hits him out of nowhere. The desperation to be both closer and a thousand miles away all at the same time, and it slams into him as if the ground of their spot — his, Isabel's, and Furlan's little spot — had collapsed in on him and covered him with darkness and rot. Clogged his nostrils. Filled his lungs. Stole his breath.

If he got closer...just an inch...just a breath.

Suddenly, he gasps. The trance ends.

If he gets any closer, he will never go through with his plan.

Because how could he get to feel warmth, hold it in his hands, in his arms, and then willingly push it away?

He couldn't.

Levi has known only cold, only darkness, his entire life. Dim lights, muted colors. The sounds of screams and cries. The feeling of deceit, the ever present fear for his own safety. They were all he had in the Underground until _those two_ showed up and became the family he needed.

And now he has seen the light, the radiance of a sunrise, and the warmth of the woman standing in front of him with the smile that used to look like the stars but now undeniably resembles the blazing sun, bold and firm and gleaming.

He's not stupid enough to think that he can have that too. Not after everything he has done. After everything he plans to do.

He takes a step back.

Maia watches him through her honey colored eyes. The sun has risen higher now, just a little, and its rays shoot over her head and beam down onto Levi. The angles of his face are softened by the beams of light. His edges, all of his striking, sharp edges are smoothed over. The brightness of the coming day starts to creep along his face, turning his normally grey eyes a startling blue. Crisp, cool, clear cobalt stares back at her. For a moment, she is left breathless as the morning wind blows his bangs gently across his forehead, rustles his cloak ever so slightly, causes him to wrinkle his nose a fraction.

She came out here to show him the sunrise, but now she finds herself drawn to the shadows. For that is what he is. A shadow, dark and mysterious, but strangely comforting. Always there when you think you're alone (or trying to get tea in the early morning after a nightmare). He moves in stealth and carries himself with such a liquid grace that Maia thinks maybe the fluid darkness of the Underground came up here with him, allows him to maneuver so effortlessly, fly through the air with such poise and perfection that one would think he _wasn't_ corporeal. He is like the night. Calm, quiet, but deadly.

He is the night.

And she is the day.

She sees him take a step back, so subtle, so small, but she notices all the same. Levi may be as dark and mysterious as a shadow, but he is fleeting like one too, able to disappear whenever he chooses, whenever he needs. Something in him obviously wants him to run, to escape her presence. She can sense it the way she can sense when something has disturbed one of the horses. The nearly imperceptible step back, the slight widening of the eyes, the flare of the nostrils.

Perhaps the same thing that has spooked him is what has her heart racing in her chest.

"I usually watch this alone," she finds her voice, and when it filters into his ears, it is smooth and soft and gentle, "but it was nice to share it with someone."

She tries to keep him there for just a moment longer. She'll say anything to keep him there a little bit longer. Maybe she'll be able to commit every inch, every plane of his face in the relief of the sun into her memory. When will she see him like this again? Maybe never. Better to imprint this image in her mind, bottle up this feeling deep in her heart, than to let it slip away like the wispy silhouette of a shadow when it creeps around a corner and disappears forever.

In these few, precious moments on that little crest of a hill, on that grassy knoll a few meters farther from the stables and the barracks, Maia sees Levi, _really_ sees Levi.

And he is breathtaking.

Levi clenches his fists, lets them go, clenches them again. His heart hammers in his chest. He has to get out of here. He has to escape these feelings because he doesn't _want_ them. He _needs_ to hate everybody in this doomed regiment. He _has_ to abhor them, _has _to want to never see them again. He can't have any of their faces permanently ingrained in his brain until the end of time.

But he knows.

He already goddamn knows.

Every time he closes his eyes. As his mind sifts through gory images of his past, the Underground, starvation, Kenny, his crimes, his victims' faces, it will always land on her. He knows this now, and that knowledge settles into his bones like a vise grip. Maia. Standing there on that hill, the sun behind her, hair glowing like gold, eyes shining like liquid amber. Warmth personified.

He has seen the Sun.

And now he can never unsee it.

"If you watch this alone," he looks anywhere but at her, "why did you bring me here?"

His eyes dart all around the clearing.

He looks anywhere but at her.

Maia clears her throat. A sly smile passes across her lips.

She shrugs, "Sometimes I make an exception."

Levi makes the mistake then. He turns his head, hears his own words from earlier repeated back to him on a honey sweet voice. His eyes lock onto hers, those warm, inviting eyes that she has, and that feeling, that stupid _fucking_ feeling wells up so quickly inside of him that it takes everything in him not to grab her and run. Run to Isabel and Furlan and take them all with him and say _fuck it_ to the plan to kill Erwin, get those papers and murder their way to freedom. _Fuck it_ to doing anybody else's dirty work ever again.

But Levi isn't an idiot.

People up here, those people who employed them, that _man_, they are no different than the people in the Underground. They're worse, even. They've _seen_ the light, the warmth, the sun. And yet they still _choose_ to do awful things, to contract out people from the slums under the earth to carry out their heinous acts. People like that? People like that man? They would never stop hunting them if they ran now. Levi knows this. He knows it with everything in him.

They would never be free.

And he would be damned if he dragged the whole fucking _Sun_ down with him.

He couldn't do it. Snuff out her light, her warmth, her radiance.

"Yeah," he huffs out, takes everything left in him at that point and steels his face, his eyes, his body, "well," he clenches his jaw, unclenches it, breaks his own heart that he just realized can beat for something other than survival, "I'm not your exception."

He turns his back on the Sun, and the ball of fire rising in the sky behind him. Feels the cool morning air whip him in the face. He is the night. She is the day.

They meet for only a moment. Just a brief moment when the darkness of the night gives way to the brightness of the day.

And then they part.

He is halfway to the stables when he hears her voice float down to him.

"Yes, Levi," and she believes it, "you are."

And he believes it too.

* * *

_When the moon fell in love with the sun_

_All was golden in the sky_

_All was golden when the day met the night_

* * *

A/N: Hello! I am back. Thank you for being patient. I love this story and I love you all. I am truly grateful and indebted to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, and/or followed this story. You are all a dream.

Action is on its way for next chapter! As well as another dose of sexual and romantic tension _obviouslyyyyy_. All the feels. Thank you again for sticking around. I am so humbled and warmed by your support.

Stay tuned xx.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, neither the manga nor the anime. Any parts you recognize belong to their creator. All original content is my own.**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: What We Give Up

_Present day..._

"Eren?"

He is down in the basement, in his new dungeon that pretends to be a bedroom, when her soft, honey-like voice floats down to him. Mikasa and Armin are there next to him, keeping him company. They are speaking quietly about adjusting to living here at the Scouts' old headquarters.

Captain Levi had instructed him earlier during the morning meal to wait down here until someone came to get him. They were working on a way to test his limits, he knew, still knows, thinks they have been doing so all morning. He supposes they have decided on a suitable strategy. Maia's legs appear on the staircase, her shadow pulled out of proportion against the wall thanks to the sputtering fire in the stairwell's sconce.

"Yes?" He breathes, looks up from the circle his friends have formed around him. To his left, Jean sits on a crate nearby fiddling with something in his hands, and to his right Sasha and Connie are rummaging through an old chest they had found covered in cobwebs and dust. Historia and Krista are nowhere to be seen. They disappeared right after they broke their fast. Eren recalls Krista saying something about the old training fields, but he isn't completely sure he'd heard correctly.

"Eren," Maia says his name again, smiles softly at him, "would you come with me, please? Hello, Armin, Mikasa," Maia bows her head slightly to them. They mirror her greeting and make to get up, but Maia holds out her small hand, halting them.

"I just need Eren," and when Mikasa goes to protest, hand clawing at her red scarf out of habit, Maia's gentle gaze stops her and her sweet voice continues, "and I promise to take care of him. If not, I'll let you at Levi myself."

Mikasa regards Maia with a critical eye for a long moment. Armin's gaze switches between both women. His eyes are always warm, similar to Maia's, and he wears his emotions openly, proudly on his face. The set of his mouth, the purse of his lips, tells Eren that Armin is waiting for Mikasa to make the final decision on what to do.

To her credit, Maia stands firmly and allows Mikasa's eyes to assess her. It is different from when they met after the recruitment ceremony. Then, Maia had been a senior Scout member but removed from their group. Now, she is taking Eren from them, albeit briefly, maybe, and asking that they trust her _and_ Levi. Mikasa's eyes are narrowed. She remembers how Levi treated them at the felled Titan, how he treated Eren at his arraignment.

She doesn't trust Levi, Eren knows, but she isn't stupid enough to deny his request. It all comes down to whether she feels she can trust Maia with Eren.

Eren.

Mikasa's most precious friend. Her favorite person.

She regards Maia cooly. Can she trust this woman with him? Is Eren safe with her? He is her main concern, her top priority. She takes a breath. Everything she has ever done, it seems, has been to keep Eren safe, to watch over him. He saved her life, all those years ago when those filthy bandits stole the lives of her parents, and that is a debt she feels she will never pay off, will always owe to Eren. Not like Eren expects anything from her, of course, but she can't help how she feels. And to have been taken in by Eren's mother and father? That is something else for which she feels she can never fully convey her gratitude. Especially after Eren's mom...

Eren watches Mikasa's hand give a slight tremble. She wants to move, to stand from her crouched position, neither standing as Maia is nor seated like Armin, but something stops her. Maybe it is the warmth of Maia's eyes, or the sincerity she sees there. Maybe it is the way Maia allows Mikasa all the time she needs to give her own verdict, to hell with the punctuality Captain Levi demands. And maybe it is none of those things and it is simply the fact that in Maia Mikasa sees a wholly good individual. Eren thinks this might be it, because it is the first thing he himself feels, the first thing he himself sees, whenever he looks at Maia.

She is just _wholly good_. And it's hard to deny someone like that anything.

Mikasa folds her legs into a criss-cross. She makes her decision, gives a subtle nod to Maia. The veterinarian gives her a look that seems to say _he is safe with me_ and Mikasa gives a more severe version back which replies _he better be_.

Maia smiles inwardly. She likes Mikasa. The girl, young though she may be, is wise beyond her years, and knows what is important to her. She is loyal to a fault, Maia can tell. The world could use more of that unwavering loyalty.

Briefly, a pair of clear, sparkling eyes flash across her mind. They are eyes she knows all too well, eyes that belonged to another girl who was fiercely devoted to her friends.

Eyes that once stared back at her lifelessly. Trapped, motionless, on the face of a severed head.

Maia blinks.

"_Yer one of the good ones."_

Blinks again. Clears her throat.

"Eren?" She tries to hurry him only slightly, aware that Levi won't forgive her tardiness forever. Desperation to get those sparkling eyes out of her head also prompts her to spur the boy on.

"Yeah," Eren moves closer to Maia, nods, "Yeah. Okay. Let's go. I'm ready."

The pair make their way upstairs, acutely aware of the eyes of Eren's friends staring holes into their backs as they go. Maia bumps Eren's shoulder gently with her own.

"It's going to be okay," she soothes. "Anything you're uncomfortable with...just say the word, okay? I'm on your side, Eren. Remember that."

If he hadn't been nervous before, he certainly is now.

"I, um," he is quiet for a few beats as they continue their walk, "is Hange going to...dissect me?"

She has to school her features, stop herself from bursting into laughter. As humorous as that seems to Maia, it is obviously a real concern to Eren. He practically shakes in his boots next to her. Instead of making him think she is mocking him, she tries to soothe his worries.

"Oh, Eren," she stops and lays a gentle hand on his arm, gives it a small squeeze for reassurance, "no, of course she won't. Hange is a lot of things, but inhumane is not one of them." She bobs her head from side to side for a moment and grins, "_usually_."

Eren can tell she is joking and manages to let a small smile slip onto his face. His worries are eased for now, but he can feel them bubbling just below the surface. He has no clue as to what they've decided to do with him in order to test his "abilities" and see what he can really do. If he is being honest, he is both terrified and exhilarated at the thought of finding out.

What if he hurts someone? _Everyone_?

He looks over at Maia who is waiting patiently for him to decide if they can continue walking.

But what if he _saves_ everyone?

"Maia," he starts, "um, well, thank you. For being here with me. It means a lot."

Her smile gives off as much warmth as the lamps along the walls. She nods, "Of course, Eren. You don't have to thank me. Like I said, I'm on your side."

"What about Captain Levi?"

They resume walking again and he swears Maia's steps almost falter, "What about him?"

"I just, uh, I would just think you'd be on his side."

They are approaching a door now and Maia is slowing her steps. She gives him a strange look.

"You don't think the captain is on your side?"

He knows his face has twisted up into confusion, "Why would he be? I'm...I can turn into…"

_He hunts what I am._

Maia places her hand on the door and gives it a small push, slowly opening the room to him.

"Eren, if he wasn't on your side," the door opens to reveal the captain in question along with Hange, Mike, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, and Petra, "he would have killed you in that courtroom."

Eren knows she is right.

He has no choice but to follow her inside. He thinks he might follow her anywhere.

* * *

"So, remind me of this ridiculous plan again?" Oluo drawls over towards Eld as they walk together towards the large field near the Old Scout Headquarters.

Eld's eyes shift this way and that, surveying the area as they go. "Simple, really," he is only half paying attention to Oluo, "we put Eren in a well, Eren sees if he can change, Eren changes, the well contains him."

Oluo holds up a hand as if he were a petulant child in a schoolhouse, which, of course, sometimes is an apt descriptor. "Yeah, um, so, _a well_ is going to stop a _Titan?_ Oh _woooow_, well in that case I may as well pack up and go home. That's it, everybody!" He calls out loudly and flaps his arms out on either side of him, "Scouts are all dismissed! We've found the key to bringing down the Titans! Wells! Can you believe it? Neither can I, but it's the truth! _Pfffft_, this is the stupidest thing I have ever heard." He finishes by crossing his arms across his chest and huffing.

"I don't know," Petra comes up to Oluo's other side, having heard his loud rant much like everyone else in the near vicinity, "I have to listen to you every day, which, to me, is the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

She makes a show of glaring at him before trotting up to Maia and Hange, immediately engaging in a conversation with the two women. Oluo rolls his eyes so hard he feels a sharp pain in his eye muscles.

"She loves me," he looks over at Eld, "Just you wait. One day she _will_ confess her undying love for me." He lets out a fake sigh and pretends to lazily inspect his nails, "And I'll just be too famous to care."

He strolls away from Eld, whose shoulders have long since deflated in utter exasperation. The seasoned Scout looks up at the sky as if in a longing prayer.

"Please," he wonders loud enough for Oluo to definitely hear him, "why am I the only normal one around here?"

The group stops at an old, dried up well a good few meters away from their new home base. Thickets of trees dot the perimeter of the clearing and an old picnic table, rickety and half rotten, stands near the well. Levi eyes the gnarled wood of the bench. Like hell was he going to sit down on that thing.

"Okay," Hange claps her hands and rubs her palms together eagerly, _too eagerly_. "Eren, you know the plan, right?"

Eren looks over to the wild-haired scientist warily. The woman is practically bouncing out of her boots, excitement causing her to nearly froth at the mouth. Her eyes are manic behind her spectacles. This is the stuff Hange lives for, the research of the unknown, the alien, the..._other_.

He gulps, nods, turns towards Maia whose warmth he can feel at his back. She is looking at him gently, so gently, like she always does. Firmly, she nods and smiles. _You can do this_, her gaze seems to say. He is fairly sure that his own face says, _I think I might throw up_.

"We'll lower you into the well and you'll, uh," Gunther scratches his head as he clears the old, dry-rotted bucket out of the well's entrance with one hand, "do whatever it is you do."

Maia glides over next to Levi while Hange helps Eren maneuver himself to the ledge of the well. He is staring hard at the two, his cobalt eyes fixed on the scientist and Titan shifter, but he feels her energy. Levi could recognize the feel of Maia's presence anywhere, even blindfolded while someone shoved dog shit under his nose. He'd know she was there. His lungs suck in a deep breath on their own accord. His chest barely rises, hardly shows any movement at all, but he feels it deep in his gut. His pulse quickens, blood rushes, just from her proximity. When she is near him, he feels alive.

As long as she is alive…

As long as she is…

He blinks quickly but to him it feels like a lifetime as unwanted images and horrific, tragic scenarios that haven't even happened all whiz around in his mind. An involuntary shudder rushes through him from his head to his toes. This is why he doesn't like sleeping. Closing his eyes for too long? Forget it. The images intensify, the scenes play out, and he wakes up each and every time drenched in sweat and white as a sheet, a cold chill gripping him so tightly that sometimes he has to physically claw at his throat to breathe. Invisible hands that have wrapped themselves around his neck, that choke him and try to steal everything in him, everything he has.

Try to steal _her_.

"Hey," her honeyed lilt floats into his ears and breaks the cycle of never ending misery that plagues his mind when he allows himself a moment of rest. "_Lee_," she whispers her nickname for him so that Oluo, who is closest, doesn't decide to open his fat mouth and say something completely uncouth. "Are you alright?"

Her hand is raised and she is about to touch him but god _damnit_ if she does he feels that his icy bones will shatter her warmth. At the same time, if she does, he isn't sure he wouldn't grab onto her like a lifeline and squeeze her tighter than the imaginary hand that constantly lingers at the base of his throat.

"Hoping that the brat doesn't burst out of the well and go on a rampage," is his monotone reply.

Maia crosses her arms across her chest and looks over to Hange and Eren too. She cocks her head to the side thoughtfully and golden curls tumble down her shoulder. A cascade of liquid gold that glistens in the early morning sun.

"I think he'll be okay," she affirms, "he's not," she tries to find the right words, sighs, "he's on our side, Lee. I told him you were on his."

She turns her head to find him staring at her, and the intensity constricts her chest. His cobalt eyes pierce her like nothing else. Her pulse points throb, her heart skips a beat even though she knows that to be impossible. She is glad her hands are tucked safely against her sides because now he can't see them tremble, itch to reach out and touch him, anywhere, _everywhere_.

Maia clears her throat and Levi's gaze switches to watch the muscles in her slender neck bob up once, down once. He lets out a long, low breath.

"I'm on _our_ side, Maia," he informs her, angles his body towards hers only slightly but keeps his neck turned towards the scene before them. She doesn't know if he means the two of them or the Scouts. It pains her to think he means the former. Her heart yearns for a possibility that she fears will never be explored.

"And you think he isn't?" She inches closer to him. He wishes she wouldn't. Her warmth is almost too much for him to bear. Standing there in the presence of two suns, he both revels in and shies away from that inviting heat. The coldness that he carries with him begs him to let that feeling in, but his mind, that part of him that has lived in darkness so long that it seems like a part of him now, that beats him down even in his dreams, tells him that doing so would be too dangerous. Not for him. But for her.

Always for her.

"I don't even think _he knows_," Levi reveals to her as the pair watch Hange and Gunther lower Eren below the ledge of the well. The boy spiders his way down to the bottom of the long column.

"I don't think the kid fully comprehends what he has to give up to be here. What we'll ask him to do. We've all given something up and I'm not so sure Jaeger will be able to stomach that when the time comes. He thinks he can, because he's lost so much, been dealt a shit hand, but," Levi shakes his head - _you never know until the moment hurdles full force at your face_ \- , "I'm not convinced."

Eren calls out that he is ready to give transforming a try.

"What have you given up, Lee?" Maia asks quietly. She wants, no, _needs_ to hear him say it.

The moment, _that_ moment from so long ago, flashes in both of their minds. He knows it. She knows it. The two of them up on that roof all those years ago. Heat, white hot and burning, floods Maia's senses, pools in regions she wishes it wouldn't, not here, not now, at least. Levi shifts his weight, closes his eyes only to snap them open again. He can't be feeling _that_ god damn feeling _here_ of all fucking places. A breath shoots out so quickly it is nearly a hiss.

"You know the answer to that," his face is turned down, he can't possibly look at her. The guilt would kill him, it would. That grief, that loss over something he never really had to begin with already gnaws at him every second, every minute.

_Happiness_. _I've given up happiness._

_With you._

"Well," she tries to meet his eyes but finds him avoiding her gaze, "I haven't given up on that yet."

If it were in his nature, he thinks he may have whimpered. But since he is who he is, his face remains impassive, but Maia can see his jaw clench slightly. A tiny muscle moves just a fraction.

"Don't say that," he breathes, finally looks over to her and wishes he could unsee the truth, the promise, written on her face. "_Please_," he is not one to beg but fuck it, for her he would, "don't say that."

A cloud passes over the sun for a moment and briefly, Levi can breathe again. For just a second it doesn't feel as if all of the warmth in the world is pushing at his very soul, trying to latch on to at all that he is. The dark claws sneak up his throat a little higher. He doesn't even realize it.

"Okay," Maia relents, her voice dejected, and Levi wants to scream.

_If things were different, you'd the only thing in this world I _wouldn't_ give up. _

But he can't say that because every time he closes his eyes he sinks deeper and deeper down into the gnarled grasp of the darkness that followed him out of the Underworld and has haunted his shadow ever since he first saw the light. All those visions and memories too that struck fear and rage and inconsolable sadness into him, continue to do so every time they slide across his subconscious, appear at the forefront of his mind. Aside from the horrors of the past he sees all the worst case scenarios of the future. Every awful, terrifying fear he has, but will never say out loud, comes to life before his very eyes in those visions.

And she is at the center of them every time.

_If you feel that warmth_, a deep seated voice inside of him says, _it will hurt more than you can imagine when you lose it._

His hands give one, subtle shake.

_When you lose her_.

Because why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't Levi Ackerman lose the one thing in this world that can chase away his demons and lead him into that pure, wholesome light? He's lost everything else. Why wouldn't he lose something that was never even his to begin with? That is how the world works. He knows this. There is no sliding scale of fairness. You're given either a good lot or a bad lot in life, and Levi knows what the world has given him.

He knows the world they live in better than the woman beside him does. Better than he ever wishes for her to understand. If he can shield her from even a fraction of the ugliness this world has to offer, he would do it. He would do it a million times. He would do it until it hurt, maybe even killed him.

Levi would do anything for Maia.

Except what she wanted him to do the most.

Maia doesn't say anything else. She can't. She feels nearly crippled by the idea that she may never feel or experience the one thing desires the most.

_Happiness._

_With him_.

Slowly, she leaves Levi's side and walks to the edge of the well. Levi watches her go, feels his soul shatter with every step she takes from him, just like it's done every time before and like it will do every time hereafter. He takes a long, deep breath before following suit and standing with everyone else. They all peer down at Eren, whose bloody mouth and hands are a decidedly off-putting sight for all of them. Maia helps Hange and Gunther haul Eren out of the well, and the team takes a break, slightly defeated, all wondering if they will ever be dealt a win.

Some time later Levi is watching Maia check on Eren's hand for the fifteenth time that afternoon. She presses around the fleshy part between his thumb and forefinger through the bandages, looking at his face as she does so. He winces slightly and looks crestfallen. Her amber eyes are narrowed in concentration, and Hange stands near her with a notebook lifted so high it practically flattens her nose as she scribbles chaotically across a page.

Maia looks back at Levi and her eyes convey everything he needs to know. With a gentle shake of her head, she turns back to Eren's bandaged hands, gives them a squeeze, and then pushes a cup of tea over to him after releasing them.

"Here, drink this," she urges him by pushing the cup a little closer, "there are marigold leaves in there - calendula," she informs, "and they will help speed up healing."

"So," Levi's bored tone filters in but Maia and Eren both know he is anything but, "the self-inflicted bites on your hands aren't closing up?"

Eren cradles his swollen hands, looks at the bright red that bleeds through the recently redressed wraps, "N-no, sir," he manages to only stutter a little and for that, he is proud.

"Hmph," the captain huffs to himself and then, louder, "if you can't turn into a Titan then the mission to rebuild Wall Maria goes down the drain."

Eren feels small under his gaze. He looks to Maia for support but she is no longer by his side. He sees her speaking with Hange in hushed tones. Levi looms over him like a dark shadow. He blocks Eren's view of the veterinarian.

"Do something about it," the captain commands him in a tone that sends a shiver down Eren's spine. "That's an order."

Eren's eyes are wide and he can feel the bags underneath them growing even heavier, if that is possible. "Yes, sir."

Captain Levi walks away with Petra on his heels. The young woman looks over at Maia briefly before deciding to stay by the captain's side. Eren is too shaken up to wonder what that is about. Before long, Squad Levi is offering him words of encouragement and telling him not to worry.

_Why haven't they lost hope?_ _Do they really believe in me that much?_

He looks around at all the faces sitting with him at the table, really looks at them, and notices the way they are all on edge. They grip their mugs harder than they need to. Their eyes dart around, paranoid. Rarely do they meet his gaze. Their words, although earnest and seeming sincere, sound a little hollow now. He comes to a realization fairly quickly.

_No, they don't believe in me_. _They're...they're afraid of me. They don't want to change the status quo. It's always been humans against Titans. If I learn how to transform...how to control my powers, I think...I think they're worried about what I'll do. They...they don't trust me._

_And I don't blame them._

Eren is so preoccupied with his thoughts that he fumbles with his spoon. It flips off the old table with a clatter and lands on the ground an arm's length away from him. He feels a dull throb in his hand but ignores it. Afterall, he had just bitten through all the layers of his skin multiple times and Maia pressing into his bruised and torn flesh hadn't done him any more harm.

"Oh, Eren, no," Maia breaks away from Hange when she sees him leaning over and straining himself, "let me."

"No, no, I-I'm f-fine," he feels odd. There is a stabbing sensation dancing along his forehead as he extends his arm, like a searing prickle that leaves a white hot trail in its wake. His hand twitches underneath the bandage. He watches his fingers flex involuntarily.

"Really, let me do it," Maia leans down and reaches for the spoon just as he does, "I don't want you to hurt yourse-"

A loud _crack! _fills the area and streams of smoke shoot up seemingly out of nowhere. A thunderous series of rumbles erupts as a plume of steam billows sky high. The little camp of soldiers is sent into momentary chaos and panic. Oluo and Eld are thrown from their benches. Gunther scrambles away from the table, eyes watering, one arm drawn up to his face to try to shield himself. Everyone is coughing and running and Eren feels like his body is not his own as their forms become obscured. There's an odd feeling of being completely separate from the situation, like he is watching from above. A pressure winds up his arm, but he can't figure out why.

"What was _that_?" He hears a frantic voice ask.

"Some kind of _explosion?!_" Someone else yells out.

"MAIA!" It's Petra. "Maia is in there! Wait Captain Levi - _stop_!"

"Like _hell_ I will. Now _move!_"

Through the smoke and tears in his eyes, Eren sees Levi running towards him, face twisted into determination. In an instant, Eren is back in his own body and feels the unnaturalness of...well..._his body_.

"_Ahhhhhh!"_ He begins to scream as his surroundings come into view.

"_AAAAHHH!" _He looks down and notices his arm encased in muscle and tissue. Sprouting from his swallowed limb is a partially formed ribcage. The bones of the left side are exposed, gleaming white and steaming, but the bones of the right side are wrapped in sinewy muscle and tendons. A firm elbow anchors into the ground, propping up a powerful forearm that leads to a strong hand with a set of fingers that delicately grip a metal spoon. The utensil seems so small, so fragile in the giant Titan digits.

The rumbling hasn't stopped, but Eren thinks maybe it is only in his head now. The blood in his head is rushing around and making him dizzy. His heartbeat is _loud_ and his chest _hurts_. Pain still aches across his forehead. It's a piercing headache that he thinks will linger for a while. Maybe he can ask Maia how to cure -

Wait.

Did Petra say Maia was…

"E-Eren?"

He looks down past his arm sunk into the meaty flesh of the half-formed Titan chest and down towards Maia's voice. His eyes widen in horror and he feels himself go cold. Levi is there too, pulling a near lifeless body towards his own and away from the grotesque ribcage. He glares up at Eren with such a fire burning in his steely-grey eyes that he thinks he might explode from that look alone if all the blood doesn't drain out of his body first.

_Oh no…_

"Eren," Levi's voice is low, barely controlled anger fighting to lash out at any moment. And Eren knows that if that happens, Levi will definitely kill him. And he would probably let him.

"What the _fuck_ did you do?"

He swallows. Hard. Looks down at the small body that lay crumpled at Levi's feet. The captain was crouched down low to the ground now, pulling Maia's small frame into his arms. A terror and fear unlike anything he had ever felt before encompasses his entire body. His breathing quickens. The gnarled hands made of shadows slip further up his neck, coil around his throat. This...this was never in his nightmares. Not something like this. Not...

He and Eren both look down at the ground, to the bloody rock that lies there, a gory mar against the green grass. The bloody rock that was exactly where Maia's head had been.

Eren trembles.

Levi pulls Maia close and feels his heart thudding painfully in his chest. He runs his pale hand through Maias golden hair. The silky strands of spun gold slide through his slender fingers until a thick, sticky substance knots the tendrils together. He looks down and sees his hand painted a deep, dark red. This can't be happening right now. Not now. Not…

Her eyes are half lidded as she gazes up at him. A small, fragile moan escapes her lips.

"Lee?" Her voice wavers.

The darkness that always lingers in the back of his mind threatens to swallow him whole.

_If you feel that warmth_...

He can't feel anything right now except the chill of fright that freezes his veins,

"Hey,_ shh_, you're okay," he tries to soothe her but can't stop his voice from sounding rough and coarse.

_It will hurt more than you can imagine when you lose it._

"Where's Eren? Is Eren...o...kay?" Her head lolls to the side as her warm, amber eyes slip closed.

_When you lose _her_._

Levi is still for a moment. It is a long pause. Long enough for the smoke to start clearing. Eren can see Squad Levi with their swords drawn, all of them glaring daggers at him. They haven't even noticed the unconscious Maia yet. He knows he probably won't survive after they do.

She is...just unconscious...right?

"C-Captain?" He is terrified, absolutely scared out of his mind to talk to him, but he has to. He has to know. "Is s-she…"

"If she dies," Levi's voice is low and laced with venom. A promise, dark and sinister, follows. He looks up at Eren and moves his hand to his blades.

"I will kill you."

* * *

A/N:...um...hello. *goes away for a while and then comes back and posts a cliffhanger of a chapter* I'm sorry for the wait. When the months get darker and colder I just...find it hard to be inspired and...happy. I've been writing all through it, though, and have new content all lined up. Plus, this year of teaching (I teach Latin and Greek at an all boys school) has been particularly hard on me. Thank you for being patient and leaving lovely reviews while I tended to my mental health. Self-care is important, inside and out, my sweet friends.

I've changed a few things about the spoon scene and the upcoming few scenes just to make it flow a little better with the addition of Maia, and I like to add original content in rather than regurgitate the manga/anime word for word. I hope that vibes well with you all. Let me know what you think either with a review, a follow, or a PM (or all three :D). Your support means the world to me and please know that not once during my absence did I ever think of abandoning this story. Levi and Maia are important to me, as are you all, and I will see their story, however many chapters and stories or sequels I have in me, through to the end. (Sort of gives away the outcome of the cliffhanger...but you didn't think I'd leave the story at 11 chapters, did you?)

Stay tuned. Much love, always! xx


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, neither the manga nor the anime. Any parts you recognize belong to their creator. All original content is my own. **

**TW: Levi has a dream in this chapter that has allusions to necrophilia in one single sentence.**

* * *

Chapter Twelve: Longing

_A few years prior, the year 844…_

Maia is walking towards the training forest with Castor, Sairam, and the final member of their squad, a tan skinned man named Delros. He has eyes the color of a robin's egg and the brightest smile in all of the Survey Corps. Though his blade skills are exemplary, his real talent is in map reading and formation planning. Maia's squad can often find him with Squad Leader Erwin. The two of them huddle over maps and parchment, scribbling furiously about a new technique they are tirelessly planning. Every night over the evening meal Delros tells his squad about their newest improvements to the plans. He is probably as excited as Erwin, maybe even more.

"I'm telling you," he is saying as the group makes their way to a copse of tall trees, "it's going to change the game for us. We're hoping to cut casualties by at least half."

"_Half_?" Sairam looks unconvinced and a little shocked. "There's no way. I don't see how lines on a paper and theories can stop Titans from bounding in and picking us off one by one, or, honestly, all at once. They're unpredictable sometimes, you know."

Castor rolls his eyes. Big, powerful forearms cross over his chest as he regards his squad-mate, "Sai, you are such a downer. This could be really big."

"_Could be_," Sairam repeats and then mumbles, "or a huge disaster."

This time it is Maia who rolls her eyes, albeit good-naturedly. She smiles and adds, "Well, I am excited for you, Delros. This sounds really promising. It could be the break we've been looking for!"

"See!" Delros extends his tanned arms outwards and gestures towards Maia, "_someone_ believes in me!"

"To be fair," Castor claps Delros on the back and nearly sends him flying forward, "Maia believes in everybody."

"Hey, you four," Squad Leader Flagon's rough voice calls back to them. He is walking a ways ahead; he never walks with his squad. "Quit shooting the shit and get up here. The criminals are joining us today."

Maia sighs, "They're our teammates now, Flagon," she says warily. She is quickly tiring of reminding Flagon of that fact. However, it is a bold move on her part to continually speak to him this way.

As if on cue, he cuts his eyes over towards her in a glare. Sairam, Castor, and Delros all take a collective breath in. Flagon is famous for his biting words and harsh tones, but it is never more unsettling than when he uses them towards Maia, the woman with a heart of gold and hair to match. Even Sairam, a no-nonsense man who is almost painfully serious, treats Maia with a gentler tone. And it isn't that Flagon is inept or a terrible leader - quite the opposite, actually - he is just simply foul tempered and mean.

"Watch it, _vet_," he practically seethes. "Don't think I haven't noticed you becoming _chummy_ with those delinquents. I won't have a member of my squad become tainted by their filthy existence. And do I need to remind you that you're just a veterinarian? _I'm_ the squad leader here."

"No, sir," Maia hangs her head, "no need to remind me." She knows he doesn't really mean that, but it stings nonetheless.

"Good. Now, go set up the dummies. The last squad fucked them all up."

Maia walks off towards the well-worn path between the trees. Castor shoots Flagon a disappointed sort of look before trotting off after her. The two are walking towards the giant wooden practice dummies when Levi, Furlan, and Isabel stride up to them. They managed to catch the end of the exchange between Flagon Turret and Maia. Though he doesn't show it on his face, has arranged his features into a carefully constructed mask of disinterest, inside Levi is furious.

Just another reason to loathe Flagon Turret's existence.

"Yer not very nice to yer own squad," Isabel points out with a frown.

"Why don't you leave the leading to me, okay?" Flagon replies, totally over the situation entirely. He doesn't have time to be training these three sewer rats. He is still not convinced that taking them outside the Walls won't be the biggest mistake the corps will make to date. Out there they could do anything. He frowns deeper. He'd have to keep a closer eye on these three, to his extreme chagrin.

The Wings of Freedom are starting to feel like chains around Flagon Turret's neck when these three are around.

"You're doing such an exemplary job already." Levi's tone is bored, a disinterested sort of aloofness dripping from his words, but his insult is still biting. He looks around as if idly surveying the area, but in reality he is searching every inch of the training grounds for anything unsavory, anything that could attack them, well, _besides_ Squad Leader Turret.

The man being pointedly ignored by Levi's cool grey eyes has a simmering look across his face, a face that would be quite handsome if it weren't for the perpetual scowl he wears on it.

"Watch it, _scum_," he warns, though the threat does nothing to Levi or the duo flanking his sides. "Let's just get this training over with so I can tell Erwin and Commander Shadis that you three _don't_ belong here."

"_Pfft_," Isabel blows a puff of air from between her lips, shooting a few stray pieces of hair upwards as she does so, "like that'll happen. You _know_ we're friggen amazin'. _Hey!_" Her face immediately changes to a lighter, happier expression, "Maia! Over here! Now _there's_ a friendly face!"

Maia and Castor are returning from resetting the Titan dummies and wooden figures in the woods along the training course. Castor looms behind her like a powerful shadow, a bodyguard made of pure muscle and size, but Isabel pays him no mind. She wildly waves at the veterinarian who is making her way towards them. Today Maia's hair is plaited on either side of her head, the twin braids running along her temples and over her ears until they join together at the base of her neck. In an intricate weave they twist around each other like two, thick, interwoven streams of gold. She has tied the golden tail off at the end with a brown leather strip. The strand swings with her movements, gliding lazily across her lower back.

The soft and subtle way Maia moves, like liquid grace, is not missed by Levi. He tries to scowl, to show any sort of cold and closed off expression on his face, but after their meeting in the mess hall a few nights ago, Levi finds it harder and harder to keep his stony, iced over demeanor when he is around her.

He doesn't like this effect she has on him.

But he doesn't hate it either.

Instead, he looks away. If he can't see her light, perhaps he will not become lost in it. Though he can feel her warmth against his side, even with her relative distance as she stands a few feet from him, he does his best to avoid her gaze. He looks up to the trees instead, to the beginning of the course.

"Good morning, Isabel," Maia's voice greets and Levi forces his eyes to squint harder at the course entrance as Isabel returns the salutation.

"Good morning, Furlan." Furlan is distracted today, for good reason, but he waves and mumbles a hello despite his thoughts being on a certain locked door of a certain Squad Leader's quarters.

"Good morning to you too, Levi."

Her voice jolts his insides, makes him squeeze his fingers into tight fists at his sides. The way she says his name, so soft and gentle and full of warmth, moves him in a way that is wholly unfamiliar to him. He knows the tone goes unnoticed by everyone but himself, knows that no one is as hyper aware of everything Maia does the way that he is. Ever since the hill, that grassy little knoll, where the rising sun turned her hair into golden fire and lit her eyes up like liquid amber, where her face became alight with a gaze so heated and pure that he had felt an intense shift inside him unlike anything he had ever known...everything had been different.

And yet, his plans, his plans of treachery and deceit and, ultimately, of murder, remain the same.

But still, _he_ feels changed. Resilient and unmoving in his resolve to follow through with his and Isabel's and Furlan's plan, but flooded with a new sense of...is it regret?

No, not regret. He has no regrets in life, something he tells himself often. He can not change his past, can't escape it either, so regretting something so permanent has no use for him.

But something that hasn't happened yet...something that _won't happen_ because of his past…

Is it longing? This feeling? Longing for something he knows he can never have. Like wanting to look directly at the sun but knowing that to be impossible.

He feels his insides roiling again and something ignites deep in his stomach, something alive and flaming as he foolishly cuts his eyes over to her.

"_I'm not your exception."_

"_Yes, Levi, you are."_

Flagon Turret decides he does not like the way the Underground urchin is looking at Beckett, at _his_ veterinarian. There is a charge of energy between the two that the squad leader absolutely will not allow to grow any stronger. He will be damned if he allows those three to infect his squad with their squalid, miasmic slime.

"Beckett," he grounds out her name, "You're up first. Blades out. _Now_."

She is about to tell him that Castor always goes first, but of course Flagon knows that. There is something else at play here, something that has Maia rolling her eyes when she is turned away from her superior. With a flourish, she brandishes her blades and shoots out her grappling wires, soaring through the sky and into the course with a practiced ease and flexibility that she prides herself over because it took her longer than others to perfect.

Isabel _woops!_ and hollers as Maia careens through the trees and out of view. Flagon takes off after her to track her time and her movements - and maybe something else? Castor and Delros exchange a worried look as they too take off, but on the opposite side of Flagon. They are going under the guise of support for Maia, but really they want to see what their squad leader is up to and why a strange possessive glint could be seen in his eyes.

Levi watches them all zip off into the forest, his eyes trained on Maia as she slashes the necks of the few wooden Titan figures that are visible from the beginning of the course. Her movements are fluid, like a dance, but it's obvious to him that her comfort zone is not in the air but rather on a horse. When he trains on Gilbert (that goddamn horse that he has come to see as a companion) and she on her horse Iris, it is clear that her greatest skills are displayed on the back of those tamed and loyal beasts of hers. She holds her own in the air, shooting this way and that with precision and well-timed pivots, but ODM gear is a pale comparison for a saddle and the absolute weapon she can become while riding in one.

"Levi," Furlan whispers from his side, "I'm going to see if I can get into Erwin's quarters. Cover for me if that shithead asks where I am?"

"Oh, believe me," Isabel cuts in with obvious mirth in her sparkling eyes, "Squad Leader turd face is much more interested in big bro over here than you, Furlan. I think Flagon's got a thing fer Maia. What do you guys think, huh?"

Levi keeps his face neutral but allows a _"tch_" to escape his thinned lips.

"Probably," Furlan nods, backing away so he can make a break for it back to the barracks compound, "but who cares who he has a hard on for? Once I get those documents and we kill that sonofabitch we're as good as gone. Right, Levi?"

Levi nods stiffly, his eyes on the forest still.

"Yeah," his voice is deep but seemingly unfeeling, "who gives a shit."

Furlan's presence retreats away but Isabel takes this moment to scoot closer to Levi, her eyes narrowed. She pokes the side of his cheek, the only person in existence who can get away with such an action.

"Hmm," she pokes him again, this time in the forehead, "I think _you_ give a shit, big bro. Yer brick face don't fool me."

"Aren't you the one who always wants to talk about that fucking horse with her?"

Isabel shrugs and the motion draws Levi's gaze away from the course. She gives him a knowing look. "Who _doesn't_ want to talk to her? She's the nicest person I've ever met! Way nicer than that Sairam guy, _blech_," she sticks out her tongue in distaste, "he never laughs at my jokes."

"That's because your jokes are shit."

"_Yer_ jokes are shit!"

"I don't tell jokes."

"And that's why they're shit!" Isabel huffs and crosses her arms across her chest, but a smile is painted across her lips. Isabel never stays angry at Levi or Furlan. How can she? They're her favorite people, her family.

Soon, Turret's squad is back. He is yelling something about timing and sloppiness that everyone in the area knows isn't true, while Maia pretends to listen attentively. In reality, she is gazing over towards Levi and Isabel. Levi tells himself it isn't because her stomach has bloomed with searing heat like his has, though a small part of him wonders if maybe that is also true. He knows her main focus is on the fact that Furlan isn't with them because her amber eyes shift from Isabel to Levi to the empty space near them. If she suspects anything, she makes no move to indicate her suspicions to Turret or anyone else for that matter.

"You," Flagon has a blade extended towards Levi, "you're next. Ready your blades."

With a glare and a long pause that is intentionally done to make Flagon's blood boil, Levi presses the metal auxiliary switches of his pommels and slides two fresh blades into place. He flips his hands and swings the blades until they are pointed behind him.

"You punk," Flagon glares at him, puffs out his chest in anger and a show of masculinity that stretches his tanned shirt and flexes his chest muscles against the leather strap of his ODM gear.

"What do you think you're doing, holding it like that? They weren't designed to be held like that! You wanna die the second you step out of the walls? Well? _Psh,_ this is enough to get you kicked off my squad. It has to be," he mumbles the last bit to himself, but Levi hears him.

"_You_ might end up that way…" Levi bites back at him, notices Maia and her teammates shifting their weight uneasily from behind Turret's back.

Flagon's eyebrows draw together in disbelief, "_What_ did you just say to me?"

Levi looks back at him, his eyebrows straight lines, the deep shadows under his eyes pronounced as he all but glares at his supposed squad leader. "All that matters is slicing through the back of the Titan's neck, right? Let me do that _however_ I want."

With speed that surprises everyone in the training area, Levi takes off. Flagon growls a low and menacing sort of sound and orders Sairam to follow after him. He does as he's told, slicing and hacking at Titan necks along the way in an attempt to cut Levi off. Flagon lunges off the ground and into the trees as well. Maia, Castor, Isabel, and Delros stand together, unsure and worried. Briefly, Maia glances around for Furlan again and narrows her eyes when she concludes that he is indeed missing.

When they return, Sairam is looking starstruck and like he has come down with a case of whiplash. His normally serious facade is contorted into wonder as he mumbles something about speed and _'never seen something so fast'_ as if he is in a daze. Flagon, on the other hand, has a deep set scowl on his face. Levi trails him, barely a sweat drop broken onto his cooled features.

"Training is over," Flagon grumbles. "I need to speak with Squad Leader Erwin. Report to the training yard for hand-to-hand practice." As he stalks off, fists balled at his sides so tightly that his knuckles are a stark white, he mutters something about '_the wings of revolution my asshole_' to himself, clomping his way across the grassy fields and off towards the Survey Corps' base.

Castor and Delros collectively sigh, roll their eyes, and head off to the training grounds together. Delros begins talking about how Flagon will probably be cutting into his planning time with Erwin, lamenting over this fact because he has _several_ new improvements to the formations they are creating. He proceeds to relay some of these to Castor, who looks anything but interested.

Isabel hurries to catch up to Sairam, her favorite person to annoy, and almost immediately the two begin to bicker. Isabel is in her element; one of her favorite pastimes is vexing the stoic man. She even pokes his sides to try to get a rise out of him, cackling madly when he reaches out to swat at her. If steam could erupt from his ears, Maia thinks he would be screaming like a boiling kettle right about now.

She turns around to look at the only member of the morning session left. Levi has his back to her, turned towards the training course still. Slowly, with some reservation, she strides over to him instead of heading off with her squad. As she approaches, she takes a moment to observe him, feels a heaviness settle in her stomach, a shock current run through her veins.

His shoulders are squared off, strong and lean. They give way to the wide plane of his back, the standard issue cargo jacket pulled taut over the sharp blades and lateral muscles there. She allows her eyes to slowly trail their way down to his tapered waist where his ODM gear sits snugly like an extension of his body. Powerful legs wrapped in leather straps, athletic thighs, hard and strong, flexed underneath the clasps. Levi stands with his legs slightly wide, his weight shifted to the side he favors, his left. Maia watches his body rise and fall with his breaths. Expand and contract. He is like a flickering shade against a candle's flame.

So many small details she now notices about a man she hardly knew, thought was as inaccessible as attempting to touch a shadow, a few months ago. So many feelings that war inside of her now, dormant for her entire life until him. Feelings she had never thought of until now.

She thinks of the way he looked at her before training began. The dark look in his eyes, but not ominous or deadly - no, it was something different. She felt a shift when Flagon ordered her around, when he pinned her small form underneath his self-righteous gaze and talked to her as if she were inept and useless, though she knew Flagon thought rather highly of her. Her heart had beat faster then, her breathing had quickened, much like it is doing as she gazes at Levi's back.

Is this feeling...is this what it feels like to...want?

Their early morning hilltop moment flashes through her mind. How he looked, wrapped in shadow and staring at her like she was something rare and special, something more than she knew herself to be, or at least thought herself to be. Her abdomen had heated then, looking at him, watching the rising sun illuminate his beauty, his sharp lines, all of his sculpted angles. Low and deep like a searing flash, pulsating across her, a wave had struck her core, reaching places she had never paid much attention to before him. It was in that moment that she knew: he truly was her exception.

"Levi," she says his name without meaning to and it comes out softly, a whisper in her breath.

His shoulders tense and she thinks it is out of frustration that he hadn't been left alone, but in reality it is because a shiver had slithered up his body and squeezed his muscles out of his control.

"I," she swallows, tries to get a grip on herself, on her emotions, because really, why would he want some woman falling all over herself to be anywhere near him? And why would she allow herself to act in such an uncontrolled and wanton way? She was stronger than that, bigger than that. She changes what she wants to say. "Flagon is...a lot, to handle, I mean. He is...traditional and biased and entirely too distrustful for his own good. I'm sorry he - I'm sorry people here think…"

She sighs and then apologies finally, "I'm sorry they don't know you."

It is like a rope breaks in Levi - one that has held him in place all this time. Levi whips around then and finds Maia is closer to him than he anticipated. He, for once, is taller than someone, as he looks down his nose at her. She is inches away from him, so much closer than she has ever been before. He feels her closeness, the warmth of her body and her proximity to his own. His skin prickles underneath his tan corps shirt and although there is a breeze rushing through the trees, he begins to feel almost unbearably hot. From this distance, this almost unfathomable nearness, Levi can see the myriad of colors in her eyes. Amber mixed with light golds and flecks of red like resin reflecting in sunlight. Hues that resemble a bottled sunrise.

The rope that snapped is slack now. The force of it has ebbed away. His sudden movement loses its power.

"And you think _you_ know me?" and damn him if his voice didn't come out softer than he wanted it to.

There is a gentle pressure on his equipment. He knows this because he is acutely aware of everything around him, even more so when she is near him. He wants to hate it, wants to hate that ever since he met this woman, this veterinarian who understands horses and humans better than he thinks he ever could, his world has shifted. His plans - his plans to betray these suicidal Titan hunters and kill a man whom she reveres, stealing documents that will buy them their freedom - feel different now, weightier, loaded with something else.

It isn't regret.

He closes his eyes tightly.

It _is_ longing.

His hands are still resting on the controller grips of his ODM gear when he feels the change in weight. Long and nimble, his fingers are still curled around the duel triggers, resting against the solid metal that encases the small switches. His digits contract once, twice, pulsating and twitching, wanting to shoot out his grappling hooks and disappear.

Because her small hands are resting on the controller grips too.

She is not touching him, but it is enough. Enough to send his insides into a spiral of thick, twisting desire.

It _is_ longing.

"_I'm not your exception_."

"_Yeah, Levi, you are_."

He has not longed for something in many years. Once, long ago, when another woman whom he cared about had wasted away to nothing in front of his young, impressionable eyes, he had longed for something. Longed for help, a different life, someone to save him. Then he realized that longing was useless, a pointless feeling that didn't do jack shit for anyone. Longing didn't get you help, didn't create a different life for you or give you someone that would swoop in and save you. All longing did was make a person desperate, soft, incapable of fending for themselves or taking their own situation by the balls and dragging themselves up from the very _pits_ of where _longing_ had put them.

Levi hadn't longed for something until the day that he saw the sun become a woman.

How easy it would be to pull her to him right here and right now, away from everyone. To sate his need, the nearly painful ache that spasmed in his gut when he caught sight of those streaming beams of sunlight that flowed down her shoulders, or heard the velvety soft timbre of her voice. How easy it would be to have this moment, one he had never had before, had no experience with but somehow _longed for_ anyway, to have this memory to keep close to him for when he and Isabel and Furlan -

_No._

Because a moment like that, he knows, feels with every fiber, ever part of him, could never be just _one_ moment.

Looking at her - down at her - staring up at him with eyes that view him unlike anyone else, view him like he isn't grime that needs to be scraped off the bottom of a boot or muck that needs to be dredged from a pool or refuse to be shoveled away. How could he give her only _one_ moment?

How could he not give her _every_ moment?

"I think I know you better than they do," her voice is honey, sweet and silky. "But, no, I don't think I know all of you."

A sudden spark of boldness flares up inside her, and she dares to move her fingers just a hair's breadth closer to his own. She feels the change in pressure as his fingers give a small twitch, a subtle jump.

He tries to make his voice deep and menacing, but she sees through it and it leaves him wondering if she really does know him better than any of these other self-destructive idiots here.

"You don't want to know all of me," his chin clenches and she can see the muscles there flex, "believe me."

Maia watches him try to summon that darkness around him again. To steel his face, lock his expressions deep within him. She feels him try, infinitesimally, to pull away from her, to slide his controller grips from her fingers. She would let him. If he pulled enough, she would let him. Would never dream of holding him somewhere, trapping him. But he barely manages to tug them at all. It is a weak attempt to distance himself from her and for the life of him (and her, for that matter) he cannot figure out why he can't pull away, why he _won't_.

"Are you afraid I will run?" Maia wonders, tries to figure him out, rearrange the puzzle pieces that are Levi Ackerman until she can form a perfect picture of who he is.

He pauses for a moment and when he lets out a shallow breath through his mouth she can feel it against her cheeks.

"I'm afraid you won't."

Maia lifts her hand. Levi watches as she raises her delicate fingers to hover in front of his face. He knows those fingers hold a quiet strength, a taming power that few others possess. Slender and dainty they may appear, but he knows them to be calloused, powerful. He has felt them sometimes when her fingers had brushed his during their training on horseback. When she had carelessly allowed him to feel her touch against his own chilled, pale skin. Carelessly given him a feeling for which he has now become greedy. She had repositioned his hands time and time again to master the reins and the saddle, ignorant to what she was doing to him on the inside.

Her fingers stretch out towards his face, slowly, haltingly. Maia curls them inward, towards her palm, so that when Levi feels a feather light touch against his cheek, up his jawline, her knuckles are what leave a hot trail of fire in their wake. He is alight with sensation, though her skin barely touches his, and is overwhelmed, completely and utterly taken. Her breathing is uneven - she cannot figure out from where she has pulled such bravery, such tenacity, but here she is, her hand outstretched and her fingers brushing along _his_ jaw, caressing, gently, reverently, _his_ face.

She treats him with a touch so weightless, so delicate, as if she is afraid he will disappear at any moment. That he might mold himself into the shadows and vanish before her very eyes. Maia is not entirely sure he won't. She has seen the way Levi moves, effortlessly the way darkness creeps slowly behind a sunrise, overtaking everything in its path, bleeding across a once vivid and bright canvass.

"Levi," she breathes, afraid she might scare him off, afraid she might lose her own nerve.

Levi closes his eyes. Why can't he move? Why can't he _run_? He has ODM gear at the ready and his fingers still clutch at the gear grips. He could shoot out his hooks and escape so quickly that neither one could ever truly know if he had really been there. So why doesn't he? Why _won't _he?

Her skin is warm and her voice is sweet and she is there in front of him shining brighter than anything he has ever known. His shadow is pressed under the force of her light. He is motionless, trapped by her beams and drawn to her warmth like a moth to a flame.

"Levi," Maia says his name again and Levi thinks that if she says it one more time he will be done for. But then she asks him a question that ignites acid in his stomach, forces bile up his throat.

"Will you allow me to know you?"

His skin pales and a cold feeling washes over him. He is doused in an icy bath of reality that leaves him breathless, almost panting. He feels like he cannot breathe. The chill steals the air from his lungs and makes his heart seize. Levi feels them, _one, two, three _sharp pains that rap against his ribcage and nearly cause him to double over.

Maia feels him grab her wrist in an iron-tight grip. Her knuckles pull away from his face. All at once the warmth leaves him as he thrusts her hand away from him. It hangs suspended between them as she eyes him with wide, golden eyes, full of concern and uncertainty and..._fuck him_, is that hurt?

He feels his jaw tremble. The weight of everything crushes him. The plan. Their freedom. Isabel. Furlan. His mother wasting away to nothing in the darkness where he was raised and bred into the cold shell of a human being he is now. Watching her, the woman who gave birth to him, allow her body to be used and abused time and time again to feed some empty part of her and to feed his empty stomach. Men in droves coming into the apartment, that run down filthy little room that light never touched, to spend themselves inside the only woman to ever give a damn about him while he covered his eyes and wept underneath a dirty blanket. Kenny pounding ever inch of compassion and love and warmth out of him because that is how you _survived_ in a world that didn't give a shit about you. And now. The _crippling_ longing that tries to swallow him every time he looks at _her_ goddamn hair like spun gold and her _fucking eyes_ that look at him and _see_ him for who he is and who he _could_ be.

She is better than he deserves. She is better than _anyone_ deserves.

He backs up. One step. Then two. A third.

Maia watches him. Her hand comes back to her side. His eyes never leave her but he puts distance between them that seems impossibly wide now, although merely a few feet. There is a chasm, deep and dangerous, that divides them and it is full of ice.

Finally, he turns from her and the wind blows his bangs across his forehead. Out of her view, he squeezes his eyes shut, feels himself retreat further into himself. He presses down the longing, the want. He stamps out the flames that had erupted inside of him, feels a part of himself snap off like the charred embers of a dying fire.

Levi turns his head to the side so that she can see half of his face, the half she had only moments ago felt against her skin.

"You do not want to know me."

He walks away then, doesn't turn to look back at her though it pains him to not have one final glance back. He knows what he would see, and he knows it would break his resolve.

When he is gone, vanished like the shadow she feared he would become, Maia wraps her arms around herself and looks up at the sky. A cloud overhead passes in front of the sun. She feels the warmth of its rays disappear. Fitting.

"You don't know what I want," she whispers to no one.

* * *

Levi doesn't like to sleep. Avoids it at all costs if he can. Until his body pulls him down into the throes of fatigue, he stays awake. He watches, he waits, he thinks. But tonight, he wishes he could sleep. Wishes he could close his eyes and not slip into nightmares because watching, waiting, _thinking_? He is driven nearly mad.

Furlan had found nothing in Erwin's office after he picked the lock and snuck in. The trio spent their time after the evening meal discussing what to do, how to move forward, and the entire time Levi felt his stomach turning acrid.

What if their plan can't be completed? What if they are forced to stay here, in this godforsaken regiment, until they are picked off one by one by giant, man-eating monsters?

What if he had just ruined the one shred of hope in his life...when he walked away from her?

After Isabel stealthily slipped out of their bunkhouse, Furlan had quickly fallen asleep, sullen but determined to think up a new tactic once he had gotten a few hours of shut eye.

Levi sits awake, glaring at nothing in particular. Shreds of moonlight filter in through the windows, slicing into the shadows of the barracks. He thinks of their spot in the Underground where the stars were visible on good nights when the shitty surface dwellers hadn't fucked up the air during the day. The stars gleamed and twinkled and glittered in the night sky. Isabel always pointed out shapes and patterns that neither Levi nor Furlan could ever fucking see but they indulged her anyway because everything was so _bad_ down there that Isabel deserved _something_ shining and new every now and again. The images she saw in the sky changed every night, and that seemed to be enough for her.

But the stars are nothing to Levi now. Not when he has seen something brighter, something more brilliant than every single light that surrounds the moon and dots across the deep blue sheet that wraps the world every night.

Not when he has seen the sun and felt it on his face.

Against his will, his chin dips towards his chest. His eyelids sink down, down, down until they sheath his grey eyes. Darkness edges in from the corners of his mind and he is taken to a place he avoids, a place he hates with a gut-rending passion.

Against his will, Levi dreams.

* * *

_The apartment in the Underground is different this time. The paint is no longer chipping, the curtains no longer dirty and full of tiny holes from mites. The counter space of the tiny kitchenette is no longer littered with assorted glasses filled with foul liquor and used tobacco chew and cigarette butt steeped water. The bed and couch are no longer tattered and covered in bodily fluid from nameless men._

_There are flowers in a vase on the table. Sunflowers._

_Light streams in through the windows._

_Light? In the Underground?_

_Levi takes shaky steps into the apartment. This is not how his nightmares normally go. He does not see his small, malnourished, pathetic form in the corner, with dirt under his fingernails and gaunt eyes that stare into nothingness, his skeletal face covered with thinly stretched, grey skin. There is no dying child in the corner, no dead mother on the bed. Throngs of men are not trickling in and using his mother's lifeless body still, emptying their sin into her hollow form._

_What he _does_ see takes his breath away in the best and worst way._

_She is looking out the window, out at rolling green pastures and endless wide, open space. The sunbeams that sweep across the room bathe her in a golden glow that makes her body appear ethereal. An angel that has come to earth. Her dress hugs her curves, clings to her hips. The material, a startlingly crisp blue, spills down her like water._

"_Maia," her name slips out of his mouth without his permission. _

_When she turns, her dress swirls around her like a whirlpool, and in his heart he feels as if he is being pulled by a current, a dizzying riptide, that forces his feet forward. He is hit with a smile from her that knocks the air from his lungs. Wild and free and radiant, her lips, her teeth, her mouth beam at him._

"_Levi!" _

_Does he live here? With her? In the apartment where he was born twice, once as an infant and once when he was reborn into the darkest creature the Underground had ever spit out before? _

_Impossible. He doesn't deserve her; he never deserved her._

_But Maia is heading towards him, her arms outstretched. She means to wrap him in those arms, curl those limbs around him and let him bury himself in her, in her warmth, in everything that she is._

_This is not how his nightmares usually go._

_Like a fool he extends his arms. Like a careless, fucking idiot he allows himself to think that for one second he might have something he wants more than he can even put into words. _

_A rumble sounds right as her fingertips brush his._

_This is how his nightmares usually go._

_An eye, giant and bloodshot, covers the window behind her. The walls crash on either side, wood splinters off this way and that; it sprays everywhere. A hand, gnarled and veiny, grabs Maia around her middle, around her tiny waist, the bright blue of her dress crinkling as colossal fingers squeeze her small body into a vise grip. _

_She screams, pained, like a choked animal. The sound cuts through Levi and causes his knees to slam against the upheaved floorboards. He cannot move._

"_LEVI!"_

_Her eyes are leaking, tears and blood, as her life is squeezed out. The giant Titan rips the wall of the apartment away and Levi sees the verdant landscape crawling with grotesque humanoid creatures, all with people, screaming people, in their mouths, their hands. Blood stains the grass, crimson gore splatters everywhere._

"_LE-" _

_Teeth that drip with clotted skin and cruor rip into her, tear her at the shoulder. Levi watches a ribbon of red shoot out from her neck, feels the hot spray on his face even in this hellish dreamscape. She sputters his name, gargling in her throat, but all that comes out is coagulated foam the color of death._

_Levi feels himself dry heave onto the ruined floor. He tries in vain to get up, to get his legs to move and chase after the beast with the sun in his mouth, but he can't. He is motionless._

_It is the worst nightmare he has ever had._

_Her body is half in the Titan's jaws now, sickening cracks sounding out as it chews on her limbs. Her eyes, lifeless and dull, stare back at him like a doused fire._

"_I don't know you at all."_

_Her voice, ghostly and haunting, is the last thing he hears before the floor gives way and he finds himself falling into a dark abyss._

_The void swallows his screams._

Levi shoots upright in his bunk, his heart in his stomach. From his crunched position, half leaned against the wall in the corner of his bed where he foolishly fell asleep, he presses his face into the wood, feels the grains scratch against his cheek. He breathes heavily for a few solemn moments, eyes squeezed tightly shut. The bags underneath his eyes, he knows, are purpled and deep. He can feel their weight pulling, ripples of pain every time he blinks.

He has to move. His legs spring to life, shaking but strong.

Soundlessly, like the wind, he slips out of bed and the barracks themselves, wordlessly making his way to the rooftop.

Unbeknownst to him, Maia is already there.

And seeing her there will change everything.

* * *

A/N: I hope everyone is staying healthy, safe, and as positive as can be in such uncertain and terrifying times. Before I comment on this update, I want to say that my PMs are _always_ open not only for story chats, but also chats of any kind. I know times like these can be lonely, but please know that just because you are by yourself, you aren't really alone. We may not know each other physically, but virtually, I am here for each and every one of you.

That being said: _hooooooo boy,_ Levi and Maia, am I right? My Levi is probably, as you may have already guessed, different from how he is typically portrayed, and that is on purpose. I try not to make him out of character, which is why a lot of the detail rests in his inner feelings while his outer mask is still in place. I do think that even though he is particularly cruel and hard in his early days of the Survey Corps with his foul mouth and biting glares (and still, honestly, kind of is during Eren's time) there are many sides to him, warring emotions that threaten to incapacitate him. I see him as emotional, not emotionless - he merely pushes them all away and locks them down. And as one reviewer said that made me actually laugh out loud, we do like them boys _damaged_.

This chapter had to be split up into two; it was so goddamn long, y'all. I have FIVE chapters prewritten already since ya girl has a lot of time on her hands currently. I'm teaching from home and have nowhere to go, so the chapters are churning out. Writing is a nice escape, even if it is to a world with man eating Titans. Action is coming up (with that heated angst as always) and a slight divergence from the canon events. You'll see what I mean.

*The* rooftop scene mentioned in the last chapter is up next for Chapter Fourteen (the next time we will be in the past). There is a reason this story is M, and though a _true _scene of that nature isn't coming for many chapters, I hope I do this one justice. Also: a little easter egg to Levi's favorite color mentioned in the chapter "Dark & Light" appears in this one. He sees Maia in a blue dress, and although it is a hellish nightmare that ends in pure agony, my Levi begins his affinity for the color through that scene. It will become more relevant in later chapters.

Let me know what you think? Your reviews, support, words of encouragement, and favorites truly, honestly, and fully mean _so much_ to me. I am humbled, warmed, and fueled by such kindness and love.

Stay tuned and be well. xx


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own SnK, neither the manga nor the anime. Any parts you recognize belong to their creator. All original content is my own. Specific lines are taken from Snk chapters "25: Bite" and "26: The Expedient Path"**

* * *

Chapter Thirteen: I believe in you

_Present day..._

"_If she dies, I will kill you."_

Eren blanches. His chest heaves. Starbursts start to erupt in his vision and he feels as if he is being choked. In a vain attempt to free himself from the half formed Titan body encasing his arm, he struggles. Pain slices across his bicep as he pulls and tugs, his foot propped up as leverage. His boot sinks into the fleshy muscle below.

"EREN," Levi shouts in that deep booming voice of his, "_Calm down_."

"W-what? C-Captain Levi! She's...I can't…"

"I said," he practically snarls, "Calm. The. Fuck. Down."

Levi takes his eyes off Eren and looks down. He gathers Maia up into his arms. Ice cold panic freezes his veins, creeping through him like strangling vines. His insides coil together with wrenching pain. He never saw this coming. Not in all of his nightmares, the dark twisted images that play out in his mind when his body betrays him and forces him to sleep, _never_ did he see this.

He is unprepared for the way his stomach violently lurches.

Levi grabs Maia's hand, her small fingers sliding limply into his palm. Her hand is so warm in his. He can feel the heat trying to slither up his arm, wrap around him, but the terror that shocks his body shoves the warmth away. Chilly fear grips him, squeezes tight.

"Hey, hey," he uses his free hand to pat at her cheek. It is shockingly pale. What he wouldn't give to see that golden tint bloom underneath his hand. "Maia, _come on_, wake up. It's me. You can't go to sleep, not now. You gotta wake up. _Maia_."

His heart skips a beat. Then another. Is he even alive anymore? Is this what it feels like to be truly and completely helpless?

Finally, blessedly, she stirs in his arms. Her eyebrows pinch together, jaw clenches. She moans, low and pained. A wounded sound. The smallest whimper follows. His insides shatter and the pain of it startles him.

"Lee," she whispers his name and he feels his body shudder. So many things are happening inside him right now — more emotions than a body needs to go through in the span of mere seconds.

Her head lulls back again as her eyes slip closed once more.

The smoke clears around them and Eren stops trying to pry his arm out of the half-formed carcass. His foot is propped up near his face as he continues his attempts to use it as leverage, but at the sight of Squad Levi with their swords drawn, eyes glaring at Eren and switching back and forth from him to Maia and Levi, he stops moving altogether. He doesn't even really breathe.

If he passes out from lack of air maybe he won't feel it when they hack him apart limb from limb.

Levi holds his free hand out in a calming motion, one that resembles what he has seen Maia do so many times with her horses. His other hand remains firmly wrapped around her own. She is laying back against his chest, her legs out in front of her, her head turned limply to the side. Her slender nose presses against the skin of his neck, shallow breaths puffing warmth there. He tries not to think of the blood from her head wound that now stains his shirt.

"I'm telling all of you to calm down," he warns slowly, sweeping his arm out, "All of you."

"EREN! WHAT THE HELL," Eld doesn't calm down. "Why now?! Without _permission!_ You hurt Maia! MAIA. OF ALL PEOPLE."

"SHE TRUSTED YOU!" Petra is frantic, nearly hysterical with rage as her wide eyes take in Maia's tiny form slumped against Levi. "SHE ALWAYS _TRUSTED_ YOU!"

Eren is shaking like a leaf and barely registers Hange shrieking with glee from somewhere to his right.

_I know. I know she did. She is the only one who has ever trusted me. Looked at me like I wasn't a monster._

"ANSWER US, EREN," Oluo shouts, gripping his swords so hard his knuckles turn white.

_She made me believe I was a hero, part of the team. She made me believe I was worthy of being alive. She…she always _trusted_ me._

"I-I...is Maia…?"

"No," Gunther's voice is menacing, "don't speak her name. You don't _get _to say her name. First, prove you're not our enemy. No, prove you're not _an enemy of the human race_. PROVE IT NOW! IT'S YOUR DUTY!"

They are all shouting at him to prove it! Prove it! _PROVE IT!_ And Eren can barely even stand up straight with his arm swallowed by the steaming meat of the Titan body below him. This can't be happening, not now. And Maia. Why isn't she awake? Her head...so much blood. Why did it bleed so much? Maybe he could help her if everyone would just—

"PLEASE BE QUIET!" He screams against his better judgement. The sounds claw their way from his throat.

Levi switches his gaze from his squad and back to Maia who struggles to open her eyes again.

"Please don't hurt him," she pleads uselessly as her words die off before they reach any of her squad's ears. Maia can barely move her arms. He watches her fingers twitch, slide over to grab the fabric of his pants. She twists with very little strength the black cloth over his thigh.

"_Please_."

Everything moves so quickly for Eren. He feels like he is not in his own body. When Hange comes running in, flailing her arms like a madwoman, he can hardly form words. She salivates over the Titan form for just a few seconds, burning her hands and screeching, before her spectacled gaze catches sight of Levi on the ground, Maia held posessively against his chest. Her eyes narrow as they take in the blood matting Maia's golden hair, staining Levi's tan shirt. The cravat he usually wears is soaked with crimson. All at once the scientist changes.

Immediately Hange is barking orders. Moblit is skittering around grabbing whatever Hange commands, while Squad Levi keeps their swords raised. Their glares never cease and Eren becomes woozy with the anger that radiates off of them. Their rage is palpable and it overwhelms him. He hears everything as if he is submerged underwater. Garbled words, frantic, clipped tones muffled by the pounding blood in his head.

_They never trusted me. None of them. Not even after all this time._

_They will never trust me._

Hange is attempting to pry Maia out of Levi's grasp and he is glaring at her menacingly, seething out threatening words that Eren can't quite make out in his daze. Maia's golden eyes blearily slide open to gaze up at Eren, her body still awkwardly pulled between her captain and her best friend. She gives him a pained smile that Eren thinks is meant to be reassuring but his stomach plummets to his bowels and he thinks he might throw up all over himself. Hange eventually slaps — _slaps!_ — Captain Levi's hands away from the now unconscious veterinarian.

"If I don't wake her up soon and _keep her awake_ she might never wake up again, Levi. Do you _understand me_?"

The pale wash of fear that bathes Captain Levi's face is enough to make Eren lean over the side of the smoking Titan carcass and vomit all over the grass.

_Please don't die, please don't die, please don't die._

There is a flurry of motion that Eren is only half aware of; he hangs limply off to one side of his grotesque creation, the macabre extension of his own body.

"Wake up, Maia! Wake up, _please_, Maia, wake up! MOBLIT! Where are the damn smelling salts?" Hange is yelling at Maia, yelling at Moblit, yelling at Captain Levi, yelling at anyone who even attempts to do anything she hasn't commanded.

"Why isn't she waking up? Four Eyes, fucking _do_ something—"

"Carry her, Levi. Carry her and follow me _now_."

Hange and Levi are running across the grass at full speed now, leaving him still encased in an abomination. Eren watches through half hooded eyes as their bodies disappear. He knows he is left with a squad who wants him dead.

_Just kill me. Kill me, please, just do it._

His lungs rattle so hard in his chest that it's dizzying. His limbs tingle. Maybe he'll pass out...

Time passes, somehow, and Eren finds himself sitting at the base of cold, stone steps when his mind finally shakes the cobwebs of panic and anxiety out. The fog of the past hour has lifted and he visibly gulps, gasping for air. His legs sting all over as they come back to life.

How did he get here?

How long has he been down here?

He remembers asking himself that same question only a few weeks ago, after Trost, in that dungeon.

"_Guh!_" His throat is dry, constricted, but he takes in air like a drowning man that has been pulled from a lake.

"Easy, kid," a voice too close to him for comfort reprimands, "you'll hurt yourself."

Eren draws in a shaky breath, feels sweat bead on his forehead. He looks over and sure enough, Captain Levi is leaning against the wall to his left. His arms are crossed and he has removed his ODM gear, but his presence is still threatening. Levi can kill Eren with his pinky finger; the boy is undoubtedly sure of that fact..

"I…" Eren coughs. His throat is made of gravel. "I know that I'm still alive only because I'm here…"

He chances a glance at the captain again and finds the man staring forward, his steely eyes hard underneath brows drawn straight. There is no trace of the earlier panic Eren had seen there. He can't see _any_ emotion there at all, save his usual indifference.

"I know that," he swallows, "you would have killed me if…"

"Yes," Levi barely moves. His tone remains impassive but firm, "I would have."

"So that means that Maia…"

"Is alive."

Eren pauses, tries again to find anything on the captain's face that betrays his feelings but he can't see anything except for the tiny smoothing around his eyes. The subtle relief that lies there.

"E-excuse me for asking, Captain, but, uh, then why aren't you with her?"

Levi blinks.

"_HEY! Shitty Glasses, you better fucking fix her head or I swear to-"_

"_LEVI ACKERMAN!" Hange is ripping gauze with her teeth like some sort of feral cat. Even with her mouth full of bleached cloth she manages to sound menacing. "This is MY infirmary and if you think for ONE second that I won't do everything in MY power to save MY best friend then," she gets close, up in his face, and snarls, "I suggest you back away before you end up in one of these beds. Permanently."_

"_You better watch your stup-"_

"_I DON'T GIVE A SHIT THAT YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HER YOU LO-"_

"_FINE! I'm fucking leaving!"_

"I," Levi has the decency to look down, at least, "was asked to leave."

"Well," Eren isn't dumb enough to keep talking about that, though he inwardly relaxes at hearing Maia is alive, "then, uh, there is something else I've been thinking about."

"Which is?"

"I also know that I'm a potential enemy to humanity...It's just, well, until the moment I experienced their open hostility I didn't notice…"

Eren looks down at his hands, remembers the feeling of quivering, living muscle attaching itself to his fingertips.

"...that they don't trust me."

"_Tch_."

At Levi's scoff, Eren shoots his head up to look at the captain, eyes wide and startled.

Levi tells him as if it's obvious, "Of course they don't. That's why I chose them in the first place," he relays all of his squad's statistics back at Eren, even Maia's. "You become a full-fledged Scout after having returned alive for the first time," he gives a humorless chuckle, "at least, that's a common opinion among the Scouts. But _those_ guys managed to live through Hell not one but countless times, and it bore its fruit. They've learned how to _survive_.

"When you're up against Titans, there's always information deficiency. No matter how thorough your planning is, lots of situations you can't make heads or tails of will come up anyway. When that happens, your best chance is your speed and fast, firm, actions based on your prediction of the worst case scenario in a given situation.

"Still, it doesn't mean they've turned into a heartless mob, Eren. It's not like they didn't feel anything turning their blades against you. But…"

Levi looks down at Eren without moving his head. His eyes stare down at the sullen boy on the stairs below him.

"Don't expect them to regret it."

"She got hurt," Eren whispers. "I would have done the same thing."

Levi is silent for a minute before he reveals, quietly, "Then you're a better man than me in that respect."

"C-captain?"

"Eren," Levi's face is stoic but there's a shadow of something, maybe guilt, under the surface, "The only reason I didn't slit your throat is because the first coherent thing she strung together was to ask if you were okay."

"S-so you didn't kill me because—"

"She would have never forgiven me."

Eren looks down to the ground again. He sighs and Levi rolls his eyes to himself.

"And," he says the words almost like they pain him to be spoken, "you're an okay kid. An annoying shithead, but an okay one."

The Titan shifter has to quirk his lips at that. Well, it could be worse, he supposes.

Footsteps scuffing and echoing against the stone steps fill the stairwell behind them. A sandy haired man walks briskly down towards Eren and Captain Levi. He stops a few steps above where they are.

"Captain Levi, sir. Squad Leader Hange is calling you."

"_Hmph_," he grouses, "Bloody Specs sure has some nerve making me wait that long."

"She also said, uh, well…"

Levi sighs, annoyed, "_What_ did she say, cadet? Spit it out."

The cadet in question gulps, "She, uh, said to leave your twisted panties at the door before you go in."

Levi blinks. Eren gawks. He thinks he is about to witness a murder.

To his surprise, however, Levi gives a short, quiet laugh.

"Piece of shit," he mumbles with just the very corners of his lips turning upwards.

When Levi calls Eren to follow him, the boy scrambles up the stairs after the composed captain, leaving the cadet to release a long breath of relief.

After walking in silence down several hallways and up a few staircases, they arrive at a door surrounded by the Special Operations Squad. Each member guards the door in their own way.

Petra is pacing worriedly back and forth in front of the door. She wrings her hands nervously around each other, mumbling something to herself. Eren thinks she might be praying.

Oluo is eerily still, unmoving, and leaning against the wall to the left of the door. His arms are crossed firmly at his chest. He has one foot propped up on the wall behind him. When he notices Eren and Captain Levi approaching, his lip turns upwards in disgust.

Gunther has taken a seated position to the right of the door. He leans his back against the cool stone and lightly taps his head against the masonry there. His eyes are closed. One leg extends outwards while the other remains upright. Gunther rests one of his wrists over his propped knee. His hand hangs lazily, but Eren is no fool. The second he opens his eyes, Eren knows Gunther will think about wrapping that hand around his neck.

And he would probably let him.

Eld is the calmest of the group. He is standing near Gunther, his right shoulder pressed against the wall so he can stare at the closed door. His expression is relaxed, but Eren notices the way his muscles tense, how they coil and ready themselves to lash out the moment he comes into Eld's view.

The distrust that rolls off of them in waves nearly bowls Eren over. He feels it suspended thick in the air. His shoulders slouch; he tries to disappear inside himself. Levi merely nods at his squad and jerks his head for Eren to keep following him.

"She awake?"

Petra shrugs her shoulders, still worrying her hands together. Maia is one of her closest friends, after all. "We don't know. Hange won't let us in."

Levi rasps on the door with his knuckles, "Hey, what's taking so long? You busy enjoying a sweet long dump or something?"

Eren's jaw drops open at the captain's words while the rest of Squad Levi attempts to rein in their snickering. The door bursts open, somehow quietly, and a hand yanks Levi inside the room. Eren finds himself alone with the squad who all very recently wanted to slice him into tiny bits — probably still do. He sighs and slumps against the opposite wall, sliding down until he can rest his head in between his knees.

If they want to take a stab at him, at least he won't see it coming.

Better for him to not know who takes the first swing.

* * *

Inside the room Levi is flinging Hange's hand off the section of shirt she had fisted. He grimaces at the dirt under her fingernails. A single sniff tells him he is going to have to clobber her over the head soon and submerge her head in a tub to get the stink out of her oily hair.

What a chore.

"Get _off _me," he complains tersely.

"_SSHH!"_ Hange brings her pointer finger up to her mouth to silence Levi but the digit does nothing to prevent the spew of saliva from spraying on Levi's cheek.

Good grief, now he has to fucking set himself on fire to get clean.

She ignores his sickly expression and points over to the bed in the room. A small figure is tucked into a thick blanket. Levi forgets Hange's presence immediately. All thought abandons him. It takes him only three long strides to reach her side, Maia's side. He stares down at her and frowns.

_She is so still..._

"Why isn't she awake? You said if she falls asleep then she might never..." his words die in his throat.

_She might never wake up_.

What the fuck would his world even _look_ like without her? Worse than the world he grew up in, where there was never a sun to begin with. His world now knows what the sun is; he has felt it on his face. What could a world without Maia possibly even be?

Could he even exist in the darkness anymore?

"Calm down," Hange demands with compassion in her voice. It is the soft and tender way Levi looks at Maia, the subtle panic that lingers around the edges of his gaze, that turns her words into gentle commands. "She isn't in danger of the sleeping sickness."

Levi takes in a breath, then two, then three. Relief floods through him. He looks more closely at the woman lying unconscious in front of him. His eyes narrow at her head.

"The bandages," he says plainly, trying to remind himself over and over again that she is just sleeping. "Where—"

"That's why I needed to talk to you," Hange tells him quietly, coming up to Maia's other side and running a comforting hand up and down her friend's motionless arm. Levi wishes he could do the same, but he already had her in his arms today. If he touches her again he truly thinks he won't ever stop.

Maia lays there almost peacefully except for the furrowing of her brow. Her pink lips are parted slightly, golden hair fanning out on either side of her head. He resists the urge to take a strand between his fingers and feel the silky molten gold that flows across the white sheets. No one would even be able to tell she had just taken a blow to the head not an hour previously — a blow that had bled for so long and _so much_.

Because there weren't any bandages on her head.

"I will put bandages on for when they come in to see her, but, first," Hange is reaching for Maia's head, "you need to see this."

"What the fuck are you doing?" Levi hisses, "Don't move her—"

"_Look_," Hange forcefully draws his gaze with her tone. She lifts Maia's head slightly off the pillow and uses her head to motion for Levi to follow her own eyeline. Levi does as Hange instructs, a glare firmly in place, and stops short.

"But…" He trails off, feels his heart beat loudly in his ears for a few, painful seconds.

"Levi..." Hange's voice holds disbelief and a little fear.

"There's no wound."

* * *

"_Papa!"_

"_Hello, my sunshine."_

_Her father's face is warm as he sits on the porch of their little farmhouse; warm from both the heat of the sun bathing his skin and from the soft look he is giving his five year old daughter. His hair is a rich, deep brown, but there are shocks of grey at his temples. The old rocking chair he reclines in creaks under his weight; he is well-built still for his age, and due to spending hours outside chasing his small child, surprisingly agile._

_Maia is running up to him, a huge sunflower in her hand. The stalk is a bright green, its petals a buttery yellow. She wears a deep blue dress, as dark as the sea, but no shoes. Maia is seldom seen wearing shoes. Her bare feet seek the earth the way a seed seeks the soil._

"_Look how pretty!" She wields the flower in front of her and shoves it under his nose. He chuckles and brings her tiny hand back, away from his smiling face. Light lines press into the skin by his mouth, carved out from years of laughter._

"_Yes, it's very pretty. Just like you, my little sunflower."_

_She crinkles her tiny button nose, "I thought I was your sunshine?"_

_Maia's father grins at her and lunges forward to grab at her middle, tickling her relentlessly. She cries out in joy and laughter, peeling sounds of delight falling from her mouth. With a flourish he stands up and brings her with him, turning her upside down so her golden curls fall towards the wooden boards of the porch. Her laughter continues as her hands swing lazily below her, one still gripping the sunflower tightly. A few petals fall off but she pays them no mind._

_After blowing a raspberry on her exposed stomach, he rights her and hauls her up snugly into his arms. Her bottom rests in the crook of his arm and from her view above his head she can look down into his swirly blue eyes. There are wrinkles along his eyes that look like the thin tracks of a bird, years of smiling at his daughter and years of something she is too young to know about playing at the edges of his kind look._

"_You are my sunshine _and_ my sunflower. You are every little thing that the sun touches, my love," he tells her, a far away look suddenly in his eyes._

"_Hm," Maia hums contentedly and then, twirling the sunflower around a few times between her pointer, middle, and thumb fingers, she asks innocently, "When is mommy coming home?"_

_Her father sighs. It is happening again. He pulls her close and presses his lips to her temple. His lips linger there for a minute, and Maia cannot see that he has shut his eyes painfully to keep the tears at bay. No matter how many times his little girl asks, no matter how many times he gives her the same answer, it never gets easier for him. Probably never will._

"_Love, I told you," he tells her gently, squeezes her to him as if he's afraid she will go somewhere he cannot follow, that for all his continued strength and agility, he won't be able to catch her, "mommy isn't here anymore."_

"_But," her soft, golden brows furrow. She stares down at the bright petals of the flower, picking one randomly and watching it fall to the floor to join the others. "She said that I would see her again."_

_Even as young as she is, Maia can tell something is wrong. Her father blanches, clears his throat, tries to play off his strange reaction. He smiles at her again, but it doesn't reach his eyes. She can't see the little bird tracks._

"_Come on, little sun," his voice is tight, "let's go inside."_

"_Awww," she pouts, forgets the topic at hand, it seems, "but I'm not done playing!"_

"_We'll get a snack and then come back out. How's that?"_

_Her eyes light up at the mention of food, "Okay!"_

_Maia's father guides her inside their small home. It is quaint and homey, the walls littered with her childish artwork. The crudely drawn and colorful images on the papers mean very little to Maia's father _—_ he can't decipher their meaning, if there even is one _—_ but to her they tell a secret story of her dreamworld, one she doesn't even fully understand yet. _

_Their home always smells of fresh, clean air and the earth. Flowing through the open windows is a constant melody of the farm and pastures they (mostly her father) tend to. Soft whinnies, gentle chirps, the occasional cooing noise, and the rare, clashing bray all meld together to provide background music to their homestead. Maia thinks it's perfect, always has, and falls asleep each night to the offbeat rhythm of her home with a smile on her young face._

"_Papa," she is saying as she clambers up an intricately lathed wooden stool. "Why can't mommy join us for snack time?"_

_Her father sighs to himself, his back turned to her. Quietly, unaware that she is able to hear him, he whispers, "You remember so easily now."_

_With patience in his eyes, and a small amount of visible sadness, he turns towards her and gives a half-hearted smile that he hopes is good enough to persuade her that he's fine._

"_Sweetheart," he leans down over the countertop and reaches for her tiny hands, "mommy is gone. You understand what that means, right?"_

_Maia's bottom lip quivers, her eyes begin to shine, "B-but, she said_..._"_

"_No, my sunburst," he soothes her with a soft tone and a calming hand on her cheek, "she didn't say anything. You've never met mommy. You know that, little sun. She went away when you came into the world."_

"_I never..." Maia's eyebrows furrow, an image of a woman with gilded hair and matching gaze flits across her mind, "...but I thought - ouch!" Her expressive, amber eyes squeeze shut tightly as she grips at the side of her head, tiny hand fisting the golden curls at her temples. "Mommy was here, though," she whimpers as the pain in her head presses tighter against her skin, "at the...the door."_

_The woman is reaching for her. Or is she...pushing her away? She can't see clearly enough, but she thinks the woman might be crying._

"_Ssh," her father brings her into his chest tightly, his eyes pained as he stares at the wall over top of his daughter's head, "ssh, little sun, ssh. There was no door." His voice breaks._

_It kills him. Every time, it kills a little piece of him._

_He gently pries her shaking body away from him and wipes at her face with his strong hands. They are tanned and rough from years of hard, manual labor, but they comfort Maia all the same. Her cheeks, blooming with redness, are stained with salty tear tracks. He brushes those away._

"_How about some tea?"_

_Maia hiccups, still holding her head, and nods._

_With shaking hands, her father prepares some tea for the both of them; it is cinnamon and orange this time. When he reaches for the little vial that hides out of sight and out of Maia's reach, he watches his fingers tremble._

_It kills him. Every time, it kills more and more of him._

_When their tea is drained, their mugs sitting empty side by side, Maia's father watches her little eyes slip closed, and he begins to cry. The last thing she sees before her vision blurs are the bright, teary eyes of a man she loves with her whole heart._

"_I'm sorry it has to be this way, my little sun. I'm so sorry."_

She feels the sting in her arm before she wakes, and when her eyes open again she is met with a pair of cool, steely eyes.

Her heart flutters.

And she forgets her dream.

* * *

Eren still has his head in between his legs when he hears several sets of footsteps running down the hall.

_I'm not dead. They haven't pulled their swords out and sliced my throat._

He lifts his head carefully. No sudden movements; he doesn't want Squad Levi to think he's making a break for it or about to strike. Peering down the hall, he sees his friends hustling over to where he and the Special Operations Squad have gathered out front of Maia's infirmary room door. Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Sasha, and Connie are all heading straight for him.

"Eren!" Mikasa is on her knees now, pushing his face this way and that with chilly hands. They feel nice against his blazing skin. He hasn't been able to stop his blood from rushing violently through his veins all afternoon. She inspects him for damage while Armin stands off to the side.

"What happened?" The blond asks, shooting his eyes to the side so he can survey the group through his peripherals. "We heard you were involved in some sort of explosion?"

"_Tch_," Oluo scoffs in a very Captain Levi way from his position against the wall. His arms are crossed and he glares down at Eren. One foot is still propped carelessly up against the wall. He is the picture of nonchalance but Eren knows Oluo could kill him in a second flat. "He _was_ the explosion."

Mikasa's eyes narrow and she repeats Armin's question, this time with a bit more bite to it and staring directly into Eren's guilty eyes, "What. _Happened_?"

So Eren softly begins to tell his version of the events from the afternoon. His speech is jilted; he takes pauses often to clear his throat. He is nervous retelling the episode in front of Captain Levi's squad. Cautiously, he tells the truth and hopes they believe him.

Jean takes everything in, standing in the middle of the hallway, not on one side or the other. He can't believe Jaeger _exploded_ into a half-formed Titan and that Maia got caught up in it. His eyes shift to the closed door. He wonders if she is okay, the woman who had smiled so sweetly underneath the burning lamplight after the recruitment ceremony. When he was very young, he knew of a family whose son developed the sleeping sickness after falling down in the school yard. He'd hit his head hard and never woke up again.

He swallows.

But Maia Beckett _has_ to wake up.

As he thinks this, Petra meets his gaze. She gives him a gentle look, seemingly reading his thoughts. Her eyes tell him all he needs to know.

_I hope she wakes up too._

They share a moment of locked eyes, each thinking that the woman behind the closed doors is needed in this regiment now more than ever, before muffled voices can be heard behind said door. It is perfect timing, as images of Marco are beginning to blur into focus in the back of Jean's mind. He'll take anything at this moment to wipe those memories away for now.

"Hey!" Eld's grin nearly splits his face, "That's Maia's voice!"

Eren breathes out a sigh of relief, nearly sagging down from the weight of his exhale, and closes his eyes. He feels two comforting hands on each shoulder; he knows they belong to Armin and Mikasa.

For a moment, everything is well.

Then he is reminded that Zoe Hange exists.

"EREN, THEY BETTER NOT HAVE KILLED YOU."

* * *

"_Mmmph,_" Maia makes a strange groan from the back of her throat and Hange is back at her side in an instant.

"She's waking up!" Hange hisses and throws a nearby roll of bandages at Levi, "_Quick!_ Wrap her head!"

He hurls them back and the roll hits Hange square in the nose. Levi growls, "You're the fucking doctor!"

The roll unfolds as it careens back towards the captain, spiking him in the head. The end of the roll shoots like a streamer into the air. The scientist's voice insists, "You're closer!"

"Fucking _fine_!" Levi fumbles with the unraveling bandages for a minute before beginning to hastily wrap Maia's woundless head.

"What are you trying to do? Smother her?"

"I might smother _you_ if you don't shut the fu-"

"Lee?"

Levi pauses, his hands on either side of Maia's head. His palms brush her temples; he can feel the warmth of her skin radiating into his own. He draws in a quiet, shuddering breath when her eyes blearily open to stare up at him. The welling emotion in his gut is upheaved, an enormous wave that crashes inside of him with the force of a storm. It jumps up to his throat. The bandages he has done a shitty job of wrapping around her head are now falling into her eyes. He uses his thumbs to push them up and away, towards her forehead, so that her full, vibrant, amber stare is fixated on him.

_She's awake._

Tension rolls off of him in swells. He feels his jaw relax, his teeth unclench. The muscles around his eyes soften, his gaze gentles.

_She's awake. She's alive._

And for the first time in the long, torturous hours since she has been unconscious, Levi can finally breathe again.

"Hiya, sprite!" Hange's voice is decidedly too loud for the situation but Maia is too tired and groggy to say anything. "You gave us quite a scare! Especially this one here," she reaches across the bed to punch Levi's shoulder. The captain scowls as Hange continues, "I thought he was gonna crap himself like twelve times. Or never crap again. It was one of the two."

Maia's throaty laugh is the best thing he has heard in days. He feels the sound move him deeply.

"What happened? Is Eren…"

"The shithead is fine," Levi responds in that flippant and bored tone of his. "Although I left him outside with the squad so, actually, he might not be fine."

Hange sighs exasperatedly, "I'll go check on him. I can't have him die before I show him the spoon."

She gives Levi a pointed look that Maia doesn't see.

As she leaves, Maia sends a quizzical look over towards Levi. "Spoon?"

The door is thrown open and they hear Hange yell, "EREN, THEY BETTER NOT HAVE KILLED YOU."

Maia winces slightly but keeps a soft smile on her face. She is incredibly fond of that brilliant, mad woman.

When Levi realizes his hands are still on the sides of her head, he feels himself falter for a minute. Her rounded cheeks press upwards into the bottom of his palms when she smiles. He quickly brings his hands away from her, feels his insides cry out in protest, and crosses his arms over his chest. Maia notices him closing himself off to her but has too many questions at the moment to feel how her own heart sinks.

"Shitty Glasses thinks she's found out why Eren can transform sometimes and other times not."

"Hmm," Maia hums, shifts her shoulders around to get more comfortable and winces, "I'd like to hear that. Hey, did I fall or something? I can't really remember much except that I was sitting near Eren at the picnic table and then there was that loud noise."

"Yeah," Levi stares at her, hard, and frowns, "He transformed into half a Titan and you fell backwards. Hit your head on a rock. It knocked you out for a few hours."

"Oh," Maia has a strange look on her face as she reaches up to touch the back of her head, "but I don't feel—"

"Stop!" Before he can even think about what he's doing, Levi is reaching out and grabbing her hand away from her head.

_I said I wouldn't touch her again._

A shock courses through him, courses through her. His eyes fly to their joined hands. His thumb rests in her palm, long fingers wrap around the top of her hand, grasp her warm skin to his. Great, hurling surges of comfort wash over him. His breathing hitches; he feels as if he has solved a puzzle he has been needing to figure out his entire life.

Maia's mind is racing. Somewhere, deep down inside of her, an aching rises up. It swells up and up and up until she has to brace herself by curling her free hand into a fist underneath the crisp sheets. There is a pain in her head, sharp and acute, but she ignores it. Too electric is the delicious warmth spreading throughout her chest that occupies her thoughts. Like a flower unfurling its petals in the early morning sunlight, she feels herself bloom.

Like a flower.

A flower.

"_Hello, my sunshine."_

"Ah!" She cries out as another stabbing pain pinches her, this time at her forehead.

Maia maneuvers her hand until her fingers lace with Levi's, unaware that she has just turned his world on its axis. She squeezes his fingers as a means to feel grounded to something as another agonizing ripple crashes over her.

He is barely breathing.

She uses him as her anchor, and that idea sparks a dangerous heat in his core.

Levi had no idea that the spaces between his fingers were meant to be filled. He had no idea that there existed shapes so perfect as to complete his hand's pattern so fully and completely that it looked seamless now, a finished piece of art.

"Maia," he manages to exhale her name on a shaking breath, tries to shake the molten desire away. There are more pressing matters. "What's wrong?"

"My head," she brings her hand to her chest, taking his own with it, "_god_, I just have a pounding headache right now."

"It's probably from where you slammed your skull on a rock," he tries to rein himself in, get a grip of his wits. He swallows. "You shouldn't touch the area. It's…still tender, I assume."

Lying to her feels like a blade to the heart.

"You're probably right," she agrees, still somewhat dazed. He releases her hand, feels a coldness seep deep into his bones. Whether that is from the lie or the loss of contact, he is unsure. Maybe it's both.

"Let me get Hange in here again. Your bandages need to...be fixed."

"I had a...dream," her voice stops him from turning away from her. She is straining her eyes, trying to remember. "It was..._sssthhh," _she hisses in pain, "something about a flower. Or maybe...a door? Or...was my father..._ugh_," she presses her head back into her pillow, dejected, "nevermind."

"Maybe you'll remember it later," Levi supplies, tries to be helpful but in reality feels woefully useless.

Maia turns her head towards him and looks at him, _really_ looks at Levi. She frowns, knows him better than he knows himself, and can tell there is something deep and troublesome brewing inside him. "Are you okay? I mean," she licks her dry lips, "_were_ you okay?"

"_No_," he relents, his reply immediate, and shifts his weight to his left, "I was scared shitless, Maia."

The admittance takes them both off guard, but Levi reasons that he has done a lot of touching her for one day and has gone through so many emotions in the span of a few hours that _of course_ he is all messed up inside and would say something so raw and real. He didn't mean to reveal such a thing, but it isn't as if they both don't already know its verity.

"I think it's going to take a lot more than a _rock_ to take me out, Lee," she tries to soothe him with her gentle voice, that voice that flows mellifluously and sounds agonizingly sweet to him.

"Maia," he looks down at the floor and Maia thinks that if he says her name like that one more time she will pull him down onto the bed and cling to him like a thistle.

A piece of his dark bangs falls down to obscure his eyes, but she can see his perfect mouth turned downwards.

"There are just some things in this world that I _cannot_ lose."

His words strike her so hard that she makes a tiny, involuntary cry from the back of her throat. She feels her eyes water.

_Then please, Levi, _please_, let me have you._

She wants to say it; she's going to say it. Years and years of this are wearing her thin, fraying her nerves. How much longer can they both keep this up? Can they both deny this? How much longer can they keep to what they decided all those years ago after _that day_?

But when she opens her mouth to reply to him the door to her room flies open and several of her teammates all but fall into the room, faces alight with wide grins.

"I couldn't keep them out for very long," Hange shrugs apologetically.

To Maia's surprise, Commander Erwin has also joined their waiting party. He glides to her bedside with the strong strides of a man burdened with the world's most noble pursuit. Maia has admired him since she met him, back when he was just a squad leader, and she in her veterinarian medicine training, and her awe at his entire being has not lessened over the years.

She knows another man who is just as great, just as righteous; she just wishes he saw himself that way too.

"Doctor Beckett," Erwin addresses her formally, but his smile is friendly and kind — it always is. "It's good to see you awake. You had us worried there."

"So I've been told," she tells him, suddenly very tired. Hange gives Levi a questioning look but he pointedly ignores her. "Is Eren here?"

"Uh, yes, he, I-I mean, _I'm_ here," Eren's shaky voice calls from the back of the group crowding the room. The bodies part like a mountain being cleaved in two, and as he walks up to Maia he can feel either side of this new creation staring hard at him, as unmoving and unwavering as stone.

Maia extends a hand and he tentatively reaches for it, tries not to notice the way Captain Levi shifts his weight to his right. When he feels her warm fingers slip around his own, a rush of tranquil peace flows through him. It's like a quiet stream, lazily sweeping down his body from his head to his feet. He smiles, barely, and she returns his hesitancy with a bright, beaming tenderness.

"Eren," her voice is reassuring, "it's _okay_."

The rigidity of the room immediately relaxes. It is like Maia had the final say all along, and Squad Levi had just been waiting to hear it. Eren can no longer feel anger and virulence boring a hole into his back; there is only a pensive wondering now.

With a tug, Maia pulls Eren down to her level. Awkwardly, he leans his lanky body over hers so she can bring her lips to his ear, whispering something for only him to hear.

"I still believe in you."

When Eren pulls away from her, Maia notices his eyes are misty. She gives him another consoling smile and releases his hand. He takes a step back, into the folds of his young friend group, and stares at the floor. A red tint is on his cheeks.

"When will she be cleared?" Eld asks Hange which draws Commander Erwin's attention.

Petra takes the opportunity to make her way to Maia's side. Considerately, so as not to aggravate any injuries, she hugs Maia around the shoulders and gives her a light squeeze. Though her heart throbbed something terrible when Oluo had wrenched open the door and Petra had seen Captain Levi so close to Maia, she knows it is not her place to stand in the way of something so _obviously right_. No matter how much it hurts, Petra Ral is not a woman to be undone by a man who will never belong to her, by a man who was so clearly created for someone else.

No matter how frustratingly stubborn the two were about it all.

"Oh," Hange rubs the back of her head awkwardly and pretends to flip through some notebook pages, "well, _hehe_, uh, the extent of her injury is not as bad as it seemed. Head wounds _do_ bleed a lot, you know. So, I say, actually, it should heal up in a few days! Yep, _truly_ lucky that it looked _way_ worse than it actually was!"

Several of the people inside the room blink. Hange hopes she played it off well but from the way Levi rolls his eyes, she's not so sure.

Erwin speaks, slowly, "Well, that's...that's great news. That means we won't be without our veterinarian for the expedition."

"Wait a minute," Petra says, a shocked expression across her pretty face, "she just got _hurt_! By _him_. You want her to go outside _the Walls_ with us?"

Maia does not miss the way Eren winces at her words.

"Doctor Beckett is a critical part of the long-distance scouting formation," Erwin's tone makes it clear there will be no arguing with him. "We need her and her skills. Plus, there has to be a veterinarian to help supply the auxiliary and main units with back-up horses. She's really the only one they listen to anymore."

Everyone knows he's talking about the horses.

"Yeah, Ral," Oluo drawls, "plus she'll be with the auxiliary forces. All those supplies? She'll have every opportunity to get out if she spots trouble. There is no safer place for her."

Petra huffs, "Besides _inside_ the walls."

"Actually," Levi cuts in. "We can have her with us. She's trained in both drafts of the formation. The stablehands and Zacharias' squad can handle the reserves."

"Alright," Erwin relents, "Beckett stays with her squad." He gives her a warm look and squeezes her shoulder, "get some rest. We'll get you up to speed once you're out of here."

"Which will be very soon!" Hange claps her hands and Maia feels the sound clank around in her head. "You should get out of bed soon. It's best to get you up and walking as quickly as possible for the optimal recovery time."

"Uh," Maia nods blankly, "sure?"

"_Great!_ Everyone out!"

"Wait, _now_!?"

"Yep! Up and at 'em! Also, your clothes were totally bloodied so you're in a _very_ revealing shift so, like I said: _Everyone. OUT!_"

"Who changed me?"

The sound of shuffling feet filing out the door fills the room.

"Why, Levi of course."

_*thwack!*_

"You goddamn slob, no I didn't."

"Okay, okay, I did, but his face was _hilarious_."

"_Tch_."

Maia watches everyone leave her room, Levi being the last out. He gives her a tender look when he turns back towards her, easing the door shut quietly. She smiles back and feels her heart simmering just underneath her skin.

"Hange," she asks weakly, "is it possible for your chest to melt?"

Her friend is busying herself with gathering a clean uniform she had procured from Maia's room. "Huh? _Melt_? No, honey, that's called love."

"I don't—"

"Yeah, yeah, sure thing," Hange thrusts the pile at Maia and inspects her bandages. Deciding to redo them before letting her change, Hange slowly unravels the strips of gauzy material, "Keep telling yourself that. Honestly, you two are _impossible_."

"I wasn't going to deny it," Maia admits quietly.

Hange merely raises a brow and cranes her head to look at her friend. She urges her to continue by arching her thin brow higher.

"I was going to say, I don't think he _can_."

Hange is quiet for a few moments. Maia almost thinks she isn't going to answer her. But then she hears Hange say something very softly in a voice that has none of the usual bubbling force in it. Maia thinks she also sounds incredibly sad.

"You're an idiot."

* * *

Outside, Erwin and Levi are walking down to the mess hall with the rest of the group. The pair lag a little behind for privacy.

"Are you sure you want her back there with you?" Erwin speaks low so as to not be overhead. "You'll be the first to draw the Intelligent out if there is one."

"We'll have the cover of the Titan forest," Levi reminds him. "And the restraining weapon. The squad is a well oiled machine, Eyebrows. They protect each other. I have no doubt that _that_ is the safest place for her to be."

"And you'll be there."

Levi glares over at Erwin and sees the asshole has the _audacity_ to smirk.

"_Hmph_."

Levi won't admit to Erwin that he's correct, that the reason he wants Maia to stay with the squad during the expedition is so that _he_ can _personally_ see to it that she makes it out alive. That they all make it out alive.

He thinks of her warm eyes, her soft skin that touched his so many times today. The way she laughs, the way she smiles. The way she has lost _two_ of her squads right before her very eyes and had been powerless to do anything to stop it all from happening.

The way her head had split open on a rock that afternoon and now shows no sign of being struck at all.

He vowed to protect her with his life. All those years ago, up on that rooftop underneath the glittering stars. When her skin had been underneath his fingertips and her breath on his face. When her scent was all he knew, all his senses could understand, and the blissful way she had quivered and trembled had set his veins ablaze.

He had vowed he would never lose her. And if that meant never having her to begin with…if that was the only way to keep her safe, he would do it.

He would do anything for her.

Yes, being with him and the squad during the expedition is the safest place for her.

He would make sure of it.

* * *

**A/N: Y'all this chapter was 1,000 words longer than last chapter. _So much_ happened, I know, and a lot was revealed, so take a second to breathe it all in.**

**Anybody else want to clock Levi and Maia over the head? I _write_ them and want to strangle them a little. **

**I don't really anticipate any reviews like so, but I want to address this anyway because I thought long and very, very hard about Maia's character. I fleshed out so much about her and came up with so many drafts before settling on the Maia that made me the happiest - the perfect version. So, clearly in this chapter a little bit of Maia's childhood is revealed and obviously there is something fishy going on there that she doesn't remember. I know that very often people throw around Ms. Sue's name when an original character has something special about them, but...if you think about it...anime/manga characters ARE Sue-like? Like...Eren has every ability ever? And Levi is humanity's strongest little storm cloud? So, how could I make Maia an uninteresting beige wall of a person? I hope you'll stick around and see where this story goes, if you're now on the fence about it all.**

**Anyway, your reviews have warmed my heart, truly and totally. They uplift me in ways words cannot properly express. thank you all so very much. Your reviews, favorites, reads, and follows - they motivate me and make everything in such uncertain times seem a little better. Much love to you all!**

**Let me know what you think? I love to hear from you. And, since this chapter is especially long, let me know if you spot a typo! I reviewed it several times, but my eyes only catch so much.**

**There is also the smallest little easter egg on where Maia is from. It's disguised quite well ;)**

**Be well, everyone!**

**Stay tuned! xx**


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